


Oh, how the tables have turned

by Joeybelle



Category: Logan Lucky (2017)
Genre: Ableist Language, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkwardness, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Pre-Heist, Romance, Smut, Srlsy don't, don't drink and drive, driving under the influence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-06-22 19:06:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 51,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15588690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joeybelle/pseuds/Joeybelle
Summary: When circumstances forced me to move back to my West Virginia hometown, I imagined I'd lead a peaceful, if boring life in the countryside. Well, it all changed with only one outing to the local bar, where I was forced to realize my highschool friends were assholes, that I'd hurt the cute bartender's feelings and now I hated myself, all in one night!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a prompt on tumblr: “Some guys are rude and use ableist slurs against Clyde. The reader is with them, and although she feels bad about what’s happening, is too scared to say anything in front of her “friends”. She comes back to the bar a couple nights later to try and show him she’s not a bad person. They get to know each other and fall in love”. Doesn’t fully follow the prompt.
> 
> Hi guys! I really needed a break from Starlight, so I started writing this. It was intended as a one-shot, but I got a bit carried away. It's also posted on tumblr, you can find me at http://joeybelle.tumblr.com/. Feel free to leave me any kind of feedback, even if it's just a keysmash, I appreciate anything I'm getting.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

It looked like a dive bar and I was pretty sure it was one, but I wasn’t surprised in the least. It’s what I had expected from my friends. Maybe they’d grown up in the years I hadn’t seen them, but I was certain they still enjoyed cheap drinks and questionable company, at least sometimes. And to be honest, I wasn’t one to complain. With my dwindling budget, I would have done anything to save a buck. 

“Baby!” Jake’s booming voice greeted me the moment I stepped into the bar, the heavy door closing behind me with a thud. 

If there was something I really didn’t look forward to about moving back to my West Virginia hometown was being called ‘Baby’ once again. My childhood friend, Maggie, used to call me that since we were toddlers and somehow it stuck. Before I knew it, the whole high school knew me as Baby. Hell, that’s what the whole town called me. And while it was somehow acceptable (although a bit creepy for obvious reasons) in high school, in the meantime I’d grown up and felt like it was time for the nickname to die. 

My friends were all gathered around a pool table, some actively playing, others watching or sitting at the nearby table. There were quite a few empty beer bottles in front of them, and I realized that the party had started way before I’d arrived there. Somehow, this made me uneasy. It’s never advisable to be the only sober person in the bunch.

Jake, Peter and his sister Lisa, stood around the pool table, and my childhood friend Maggie a little further by the bar. There was a brunette holding onto Peter’s waist, so I assumed she was his wife, but I couldn't for the love of me remember her name, although I was sure Maggie had told me about her multiple times. The others were faces I didn’t recognize. Although my group of friends in highschool has always been pretty large, the core was always made of the five of us. 

Jake looked considerably more inebriated than the rest, although this didn’t surprise me either. Maggie had told me that he had become quite the heavy drinker after they had gotten married, and that scared me. He had always been tall and well built, and right now he looked even more massive than I remembered. With his volcanic personality and rather unpredictable nature, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. Hopefully, with age came some wisdom too, but judging by his glazed eyes and the stupid grin he had on as he approached me, I highly doubted it. 

“Fuck me, you’re still a babe,” he interjected, giving me a one armed hug, squeezing me a little too hard, making me flinch. 

“And I thought I’d finally evolved into an actual woman by now,” I joked, wiggling out of his crushing embrace. 

“Nah,” he said patting me on the butt, something I really didn’t appreciate, but remembering it was something we used to do as teenagers, I let it slip. “You’re still a baby. Hey Maggie,” he boomed once again, earning some glares from the other patrons. “Look who’s here!”

“Baby!” She shrieked so loud that I was sure at least half the continent knew I was back in town. Not that anyone cared, besides the handful of highschool friends currently huddled around a pool table in this rather rural bar. 

Maggie almost tackled me, hugging me so tight it almost hurt. “Oh my god, you changed so much,” she said, running her hand through my hair. “I see you prefer it more natural these days. Is that the trend in New York?” she said, and I could sense a weird note in her voice. She twirled a bleach blonde curl around her finger and went to kiss her husband. She was still the same as always: bleached hair, tiny shorts and a crop top revealing a perfect abdomen that didn’t show any signs of the three children she’d given birth to in the past ten years. But she had always been the athletic one, head cheerleader and all that, and although I envied her sometimes, I was much too lazy to try and be like her. 

“I don’t think anyone cares how you look like in New York. No one really looks at you,” I replied, shrugging. 

“Is that why you came back?” I always knew there was a sense of bitterness that Maggie was left with after I went to university, but I had hoped it would be old news by now. Apparently not. 

Maggie and I have known each other since we were in diapers. She lived a few houses down the road and we spent all our childhood together. She had always been incredibly beautiful and bubbly and fun and everyone loved her, so it was a given that she’d be very popular. She was a cheerleader all throughout high school, got herself a quarterback boyfriend (that she later married) and because I was her best friend I ended up with the popular kids too. And for the most part I really tried to blend in. I dyed my hair and wore short skirts, flirted with whomever was available, I even tried to join the cheerleader squad, but after face planting and breaking my nose, I decided it just wasn’t for me. 

However, during senior year I realized that the small town we were living in wasn’t what I wanted. I dreamed of the big cities, full of opportunities and exciting jobs and interesting people and all that. I was tired of seeing the same old faces every day, the same two bars that sold cheap booze and the same bleak future for all of us. I told her this and started applying to out of state universities. 

She was hurt. I know she had imagined that we’d both live here all our lives, get married and have children that would be best friends like we were before them. She used to daydream about this when we were little, we’d buy houses next to each other and we wouldn’t have a fence, just a big garden where we would both drink our coffee in the morning. So I understand why she would feel betrayed by my departure.

But this was never my dream. I always felt like this place was too boring and that I could do so much better. So I studied hard, applied to universities and was finally accepted to NYU, and since then I lived in New York for more than a decade. However, when I was just a teenager dreaming of big cities, I never imagined how hard living in one would actually be. 

“Nope,” I said, shrugging. “It’s the money. Couldn't afford living in New York anymore.”

There was no reason to lie to her, or to anyone for that reason. Finding a job in my current field was hard so I had to resort to teaching jobs for the past few years, and the pay wasn’t so good. That coupled with my student loans, other random loans and rent, left me with very little for expenses, not to mention such luxuries as new clothes and internet. I felt really embarrassed having to borrow money from my parents just to live, even though they were always loving and helpful, so when I heard that the community college near my hometown had an opening for an assistant job in my field, I was happy to come back and not starve in New York. Big cities are way less glamorous when you’re homeless. 

“It’s always the money, eh?” she said, and her eyes were a little softer, like she understood. With the current economy, she must have struggled at some point too. “You live in your old house, right? Too bad we sold my family house after my dad passed away, otherwise we’d still be neighbours,” she laughed. 

“We’re not that far away. A short drive and we can visit anytime.”

“I know! I’m so happy that you’re back! Can’t wait to tell you all the new gossip!” She sounded so excited that I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I just didn’t give a shit about any sort of rumours. One other thing that I really didn’t miss about small towns: the gossip.

“Hey babe,” Jake cut in. “Where are our drinks?”

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry,” she apologized with a distracted smile. “I was about to get drinks when you showed up and I completely forgot why I went to the bar in the first place. What can I get you?”

“Uhh, a beer is fine. I can’t stay long anyway. I’m waiting for someone to deliver my fridge.”

“At this hour?” asked Jake.

“They got lost somehow. I don’t know, I just want my fridge, so my food doesn’t spoil anymore and I can have cool drinks once again,” I said, thinking at how the past week had been torture. I could easily live without the luxury of an AC, but living without a fridge was too much for me. 

With the corner of my eye I could see Maggie returning, precariously holding too many beer bottles. I thought I’d help her, but the bartender had already gone around the bar and was taking a couple of bottles from her hands, making sure she arrived with them all in one piece. She shot him one of her trademark winks and I couldn’t help but laugh. One marriage and three kids later and she was still cheekily flirting with everyone. 

“Hey fuckface!” Jake yelled, startling me. Confused, I had to look around to see who he was referring to. Following his extended index, it seemed that he meant the bartender. “You stay away from my wife! You hear me, stay away!”

Right. He’d always had a jealousy problem that didn’t seem to have gotten any better over the years. It was another thing I was glad I didn’t have to deal with while living in New York. As it seemed, I was already starting to regret moving back. Or at least, trying to mend relationships with my old friends. I guess distance wasn’t the only reason we lost touch. 

“Come on, babe, he’s just trying to help,” she said appeasingly, and somehow I didn’t think this would help de-escalate the situation, so I hurried to take the bottles from the bartender’s hand so he could go back to where he wasn’t perceived as a threat by Jake. 

“Thanks!” I said, looking up at him. He was a really tall and broad man, even taller than Jake, but he didn’t have the same intimidating stance. Maybe because his eyes looked soft, or because his face held a certain gentleness. “And sorry, my friend is a bit of a hothead,” I tried apologizing, hoping it would all stop there. 

“It’s ok,” he said in a low, beautiful voice, that I had to admit kinda tickled my fancy. However, before I could say anything else he turned on his heels and went back behind the bar. 

In the meantime, Jake was still yelling profanities, although by the tone of his voice he was more mocking than angry. “Jake, stop it for fuck’s sake,” I said, passing the beers along, and taking a sip from my own bottle, quite certain that more alcohol wasn’t the best idea, but I wasn’t their mother. “He didn’t touch her, he just wanted to help her with the beers that’s all. Leave him alone.”

“You’re still such a baby,” he laughed and I snorted. “You didn’t see how he was staring at her, the fucking creep.”

That made me look over to the bar. The bartender was making himself busy with something behind the counter but when he lifted his eyes, he did have and intense gaze, one that could possibly be mistaken for staring by an inebriated hothead. “I don’t think he meant anything by it,” I said, prying my eyes away from the tall man. “Anyway, how are you all doing?” I said, trying to shift the subject, because I really didn’t want to be part of a bar brawl. 

“Jake’s right, he’s always been a weirdo,” said Peter finally leaving the game of pool to join the conversation. “Staring creepily at all the pretty girls he couldn’t have. Cause he’s an ugly ass nerd.”

“Oh shut up!” I hissed, getting increasingly irritated. They spoke loudly like they wanted him to hear. I just wanted to spend a pleasant night out with my old friends, not to watch them belittle someone else. 

“He’s kinda right, Baby,” Maggie said, apologetically. “He was always a bit weird. Not talking to anyone, that sort of thing. He was always ogling at us in highschool.”

“Do I know him?” I asked, trying to put a name to the face.

“Maybe. Yeah, probably, he was a year or two older than us. Clyde Logan.” The name didn’t ring a bell. “Jimmy Logan’s younger brother?”

“Ohhh!” I glanced towards him again trying to see if he looked familiar. He didn’t, and definitely didn’t resemble his brother at all. “Was he really in highschool with us? I don’t remember him.”

“‘Course not, Baby only had eyes for the great Jimmy Logan,” Peter said in a mocking tone, and I could feel the old bitterness was still there. He’d asked me out multiple times during highschool, and I always turned him down, but that had nothing to do with my everlasting and very well known crush on Jimmy Logan. 

“Well, Jimmy’s single now,” Maggie informed me with a wink. “Not sure you’d like him anymore, now that he isn’t a star quarterback.”

“Wasn’t he going to marry Bobbie Jo?” I asked out of pure curiosity. Jimmy Logan hadn’t been on my mind for ages now so this conversation seemed weird. 

“They broke up a long time ago. She’s married to some car dealer now. They have a kid together though.”

“I see,” was my only input.

“Bobbie Jo’s smart, she wouldn’t stay with a loser like him,” Jake laughed.

“Besides, people say the Logans are cursed.”

“Why would they say that?” I said, looking from Jake to Maggie, feeling more and more like I’m gonna regret this outing.

“Cause, you know,” she started explaining, “both their parents died, Jimmy fucked up his career because of his leg…”

“And this one lost his fucking arm in Iraq.”

Only after they pointed it out did I notice the plastic prosthetic strapped to his arm. I took my time to actually look at him, since he seemed busy behind the bar and not looking up. He did everything with only one arm, with more dexterity than I would have been able to, with both arms intact. There was this air of sadness on his long face, the corners of his mouth slightly curling downwards. I felt really sorry for him, being in a warzone is tough and coming back with permanent injuries is even tougher. I didn’t really want to know the mental trauma that came with it. 

He suddenly looked up, meeting my gaze so I smiled and looked away, hoping he wasn’t too weirded out that I was staring at him. Given the shit he probably heard from my so called friends, he probably was.

“They say he’s lucky, he could have died that day,” Maggie continued, and I was starting to feel exhausted by this conversation. Not because I didn’t want to find out more about Clyde Logan, quite the opposite, but I was pretty sure we were close enough for him to be able to listen in. And none of them made an effort to keep their voice down. “But living with only one arm feels more like a curse to me.”

“He’s lucky alright,” Jake laughed loudly, and I feared the worst. “He’s lucky cuz he lost his left arm and he’s still got something to jerk off with,” he said, loud enough for the whole bar to hear. Clyde only looked up for a second, then went back to what he was doing. 

“For fuck’s sake, stop it already,” I pleaded with Jake, now knowing full well that this meeting was a mistake. 

“Well maybe he likes jerking off with the plastic hand,” Peter added, making an obscene gesture with his hand and I snapped. 

“Jesus fucking Christ what’s wrong with you guys?”

“Relax, Baby! We’re just having a little fun.”

“This is definitely not fun!”

“What is it,” Jake said, placing an arm around my shoulders that I promptly shook off, “did New York steal your sense of humour along with your accent?”

He had such a stupid sneer on his face that I wanted nothing more that to punch him in the teeth. “I didn’t lose my sense of humour,” I snarled, “but never, no matter how stupid or drunk we were during high school, would we stoop so low as to mock a disabled person. And I’m not gonna start doing it now. Not gonna be part of this.”

“Baby, please, come on, he didn’t mean anything by it. You know how Jake gets when he drinks, he’s always been a jokester,” Maggie tried to salvage the situation, but it was too late for that. 

“Sorry,” I said, pulling my phone out of my pocket, “I think my refrigerator’s here. I have to run. I’ll see you all around, I guess.” I turned on my heels and went to the bar to pay for my beer. 

Clyde Logan handed me the change with the same unfazed if a little sad look on his face and I had to wonder if he was just so used to this kind of abuse that he just didn’t give a shit anymore. 

“I’m not disabled, you know,” he said, and I felt my heart sink to the depths of hell. “I’m just… I’m just missing a hand, that’s all.”

He looked me in the eye for a second and there was so much sadness in that brief glance that it almost broke my heart. It filled me with shame that I had somehow contributed to that. 

“I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean…”

“It’s ok,” he said, but his voice was strained. He turned his back to me and I wanted to cry. 

I almost ran out of the bar and climbed into my car. I let out a prolonged wail of anger and shame as I repeatedly banged my head on the steering wheel. This wasn’t how I planned on moving back to my old hometown. I really wanted to pass unnoticed and live peacefully in the countryside for as long as I’d be here. Have a garden. Maybe get a dog at some point, when I’d feel I could be responsible for a life other than my own. 

I didn’t want to realize that my highschool friends were shit and that probably I had been shit for being friends with them. I didn’t want to hurt the cute bartender’s feelings especially since he was a veteran and his voice was so soft. The only thing I wanted to do was crawl under a rock with a working refrigerator and spend the rest of my life hibernating. 

I mentally said goodbye to the Duck Tape before I drove away, because I sure as hell wouldn’t step in that bar ever again.

  


* * *

  


My decision to never set foot in that bar lasted exactly until the next day. After a night of sleeping like absolute shit and a morning spent eaten up by guilt I gathered all my remaining courage and went back to apologize, under a cloud of shame.

It was late afternoon, and the bar was still almost empty. Only the regulars, I supposed. It was quite early to start drinking, but there I was, already craving a shot of something strong to wash away the shame and give me a little courage to do what was right. Clyde was behind the bar, a tower of a man, but somehow he looked a lot more relaxed. Or maybe I just saw him in a different light. He noticed me the moment I entered and followed me with his gaze until I climbed on the stool in front of him. There didn’t seem to be any ill feeling in his eyes, but then again I wasn’t very good at reading people.

“Hi,” I said, trying not to sound too overwhelmed.

“Hello,” he replied, placing a napkin in front of me, an automated gesture he probably did countless times every day. 

“I came here to apologize for yesterday,” I started, taking the band aid approach and wanting to get over with it as soon as possible, so I could either have a nice drink, or go hide under a rock for the rest of my days, depending on how this all went. 

“It’s ok,” he said, making himself busy with some glasses. “I know how they can get after a few beers. Fortunately, they don’t come here very often.”

“I’m not apologizing for them, they’re old enough to clean up their own shit,” I said with a frown. “I came here to apologize for what I said yesterday.” He stopped what he was doing for a moment, but didn’t lift his eyes. “I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. I… I don’t what you to think that I was reducing you to a disability, or… ”

“I know,” he cut me off. “It’s ok.”

“But it’s not, is it?” I said, nervously twisting the napkin between my fingers. “Cause you keep saying ‘it’s ok’ but you’re not looking at me right now.”

He put down the glass and moved in front of me, where he leaned on the counter, his face a few inches away from mine. The bar suddenly got a lot warmer, now that I was staring into a pair of mesmerizing brown eyes. This close up I could easily count all the beauty marks peppered across his light skin, but I was too hypnotized by his gaze to look anywhere else.

“I accept your apology,” he said, and his deep voice went straight to my uterus. “Do you feel better now?”

“Slightly?” I said, as he straightened his back. His sudden retreat from my personal space left me a little disappointed. I kinda liked it when he looked straight at me with that intense gaze.

“Can I get you anything?” he changed the subject, and I knew that conversation was over. I didn’t know if he’d really forgiven my stupidity or he only said it to get it over with, but there wasn’t anything more I could do at this point.

“Umm,” I said, looking around the bar, looking for some inspiration. “Something sweet that goes well with self-loathing?” I could swear I saw a smile on his face, but it was so brief that it could very well have been just a figment of my imagination. It made me wonder how hard it was to make him laugh. 

“How does a Manhattan sound?”

“Like it speaks of greener pastures,” I said, flashing him a smile. 

He cleaned the shaker, took out a couple of bottles and started preparing the drink. It was fascinating watching him work with only one hand, and I was pretty sure I could do it all day. As he was carefully preparing the drink, I realized that I could see myself coming back here more frequently. The atmosphere of the bar was quite pleasant once I got used to the rather dated decor. The music wasn’t too loud, so you could have a conversation in peace. And the best of all, the bartender was really really cute. 

“So, how come you moved back here? ” he asked, looking at me for just a second. “I thought living in the big city was your dream.”

“Did we know each other? Back in the day?” I asked, propping my elbows on the counter and leaning a little closer. 

“Don’t think so.”

“Then how come you know that?”

“I’m a bartender and people talk.” Of course there was an easy explanation for that, it’s not like he had any real interest in me, but a girl could dream.

“Don’t they have something better to talk about?” I asked, but I was more amused than annoyed. I didn’t really think that I was such a noteworthy person that someone felt like gossiping about me. But I had to admit, it did feel good to know that he knew who I was. It meant he cared. A little bit at least. Gotta start somewhere.

“Well, gossip is the national pastime and not that much happens ‘round here,” he said, pushing the glass in front of me. 

“Thank you,” I said, taking a sip and being met with the familiar sharpness of alcohol, followed by the sweetness of the drink. I wasn’t much of a cocktail connoisseur, but the drink was really good. “So… It’s a typical story really. I had high hopes when I left this place, thought that I was going to make it big. It wasn’t the case, like it happens 90% of the time. When I got there I was proven that I’m not as smart as I thought and not as charismatic as others. I did what I could, I worked two jobs at times, but the cost of living has skyrocketed in the past year and they’re not hiring in my field. So when I found out there was a job opening at the local college I decided to more back here. My parents have moved to Portland a few years back and still haven’t sold our old house, so I don’t have to worry about rent anymore.” I smiled and downed half of my drink, probably looking like an alcoholic. “Got plenty of other things to worry about.”

“Isn’t this place boring after New York?”

“A bit. I don’t miss noise and the traffic jams and the rush, but I really miss my friends and having something to do in my free time.” I sighed. “Here, besides my colleagues at work, I don’t really have anyone to talk to.” I hoped I didn’t sound too bitter, but he opened the pandora’s box by asking. Not my fault. 

“You still have your old friends from highschool. They seemed really excited to see you again,” he said, looking at the pool table where they were yesterday. I really didn’t know if he was being sarcastic or not. 

“Safe to say we’re not really seeing eye to eye anymore.” I snorted and finished the rest of my drink, hoping the sting of the alcohol would wash away the shame. “Were we really that shit in highschool too? I know we used to be stupid and said a lot of shit, but was I really that stupid? It hurts cause I really don’t remember, and I might have hurt people and not realized it.”

“I don’t think you were shit,” he said all serious and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Thanks, I guess.” It’s not like there was anything I could do about that now, I just had to live with the realization that at some point in my life I might have been a terrible person and to try not to do the same mistakes now. 

“Should I make you another one?” he asked, taking the now empty glass. 

“No, thanks. Just give me a beer. I still have to go grocery shopping tonight, now that I have a working fridge. I don’t want to be drunk enough that I start hugging people in the store because I don’t have any friends.”

Clyde took a beer from the fridge, opened it and placed it in front of me. He seemed lost in thought for a moment, before he spoke again. “You used to be friends with my sister, Mellie.”

“Oh yeah!” I said as realization finally hit me. Somehow, I had forgotten that Mellie was their sister. That’s probably because I had never seen them together: Mellie was my friend from school, Jimmy I admired from afar, as for Clyde, I didn’t have a face for the name until recently. I wondered what it would have been like had I met him when I was a teenager. I had a feeling he wouldn’t have liked highschool me very much. 

Mellie was in the same year as myself, but we didn’t really talk much until our senior year. Before that, I only really spent time with Maggie’s friends, but senior year was a turning point for me. I started hanging out with Maggie less and focusing a lot more on my studies. And that’s how I met Mellie, in the library while studying for an exam, and we hit it off really well.

“Is she still in town?” I asked with a glimmer of hope.

“Yeah, yeah. She’s still here. She’s working as a hairdresser in town.”

“Oh really? Awesome! I’ll have to pay her a visit one day,” I said, taking a sip from my beer. “If she remembers me, that is,” I said, realizing that there was the chance that she didn’t. 

“She does.” He said it with such confidence that I was left wondering if they had talked about me. “I bet she still remembers you,” he backtracked slightly, and turned his back to me, suddenly busy with some bottles on the shelf opposite of me.

“So tell me about yourself, Clyde,” I inquired, trying to get something out of him. I was really curious to find out more about this burly man who seemed to really want to make me work to get something out of him. 

“There’s not much to know about me,” he said throwing me a glance over his shoulder. I propped my chin the palm of my hand and shot him an encouraging smile. He replied with a sigh. “I’ve lived here all my life. You know my siblings. Ummm… I own this bar and spend most of my time working here.”

“I’ve heard you’ve been to Iraq,” I said and instantly regretted it. Casually reminding people of trauma is a no-no in every conversation, but I usually realized what I’d said after I’d already put my foot into my mouth. 

“Yeah, twice,” he said, turning around to face me once again. His face was still unreadable, but his eyes seemed sad. “The second time I didn't come back in once piece.” He placed his prosthetic on the bar right in front of me. Up until now he seemed to have tried keeping it out of sight as much as possible, and I did my best to ignore it, but now I allowed myself to study it, as his fingers traced the upper edge of the flesh coloured plastic. “Landmine. They say I was lucky.”

“Yeah, maybe you were lucky. And we’re definitely lucky to have you back. I think this town would be much too boring without a handsome bartender,” I said, winking. 

He didn’t smile like I had expected him to, instead he just looked at me with a slight frown on his face. I always thought bartenders were used to this kind of light-hearted flirting, after all it seemed to be in their job description, but it seemed I had somehow crossed a line and it saddened me. 

“Anyway,” I said, wanting to change the subject as quickly as possible to avoid the silence getting much too awkward, “what do people do for fun around here?”

He was visibly more comfortable talking about all the local pastimes than he was with my pathetic attempt at flirting. It seemed I might have lost my touch as I hadn’t been dating for quite some time. Juggling two jobs while avoiding starvation and homelessness didn’t leave much time for dating. I kept telling myself that I didn’t mind being single, and a lot of the time I didn’t, but sometimes the loneliness crept on me.

Especially when the very handsome man behind the bar was telling me in a very seductive voice about the best steakhouse in a 30 mile radius. I just sat there smiling dumbly at him. I didn’t care that much about steaks, but I was completely mesmerized by him. I loved how seriously he was taking the task of listing all the places I could go to and all the things I could do in my free time, like my entertainment for the next few years depended on him. He wasn’t as serious as I first thought, but his sense of humour was a little more subtle and since he seemed to deliver everything with a straight face, his jokes were easy to miss. 

Although he tended to other customers too, with the same care and attention that seemed to be ingrained in his nature, he somehow seemed to gravitate towards me. I loved talking to him, he was overall a really pleasant person. This is how I’d wished the meeting with my highschool friends would have gone: sharing memories, joking about the old times, telling me about what was new in town. Unfortunately, my old friends ended up being assholes. Fortunately, thanks to them I met Clyde and he was incredibly sweet. 

“Can I get you another?” he asked pointing at the empty beer bottle I was still clutching in my hand. 

“Ummm…” Part of me wanted to say hell yeah, keep them coming until I’m drunk enough so I’d have an excuse to ask you to walk me home, but there was another slightly more grown up part of my brain that reminded me that I had early classes the next day and I really needed to buy some groceries if I didn’t want to eat ice cubes for my next breakfast. “I really have to go,” I said, hating myself for letting the rational part of me win. “I still have to do some shopping before I’m too drunk to remember that I hate mushrooms.” He smiled. A brief, tentative smile that I’d almost missed. “But I do have a very expensive vodka bottle from my going away party that I plan on opening tonight.”

“That’s unhealthy,” he said and I laughed, probably a little too loud. 

“You, a bartender, who sells alcohol for a living are trying to tell me that it’s unhealthy?” I said, leaning on the counter.

“No, drinking alone is unhealthy.”

“Well,” I said, playing with one of the napkins on the counter, “why don’t you join me then?” I watched his eyes go wide and his whole body become tense. Come on dude, it’s not like you haven’t noticed me trying to flirt with you for the past two hours. Right? “Or you know, if vodka straight up isn’t really your thing, I could take you out for dinner sometimes. You know that steakhouse you told me about. If you’re single of course, I don’t mean to imply…” 

“Thanks,” he said, eventually finding his voice. “But, umm…” And here comes the rejection hotline, I thought, bracing myself. “I’m really sorry. I just… I don’t need your pity,” he said, avoiding my gaze completely.

“Wait, what?” I was completely taken by surprise. I had expected anything to come out of his mouth: that he was married with kids, gay, that I was a cute girl but he really didn’t like me like that, that he was only interested in pink unicorns. Anything but that. 

“You don’t have to pretend to like me just ‘cause your friends were assholes to me the other day.” Getting those words out of his mouth seemed to take a lot of effort, and his face looked strained. He started hastily rearranging something behind the bar, still avoiding to look me in the eye. 

“Is that what you think this is? Do you really think I’d ask you out just because I feel guilty or something?” It probably sounded harsher than I intended, but I did what I could to mask the hurt in my voice. I wanted nothing more than to grab his shirt, force him to look me in the eye and tell me that he really thought that.

He swallowed hard, but stubbornly kept his gaze away from me. “You don’t have to go out of your way to be nice to me just to clear your conscience. I already accepted your apology. That’s enough.”

“Is that really what you think?” I was hurt. Not by the rejection, although that hadn’t registered yet and would certainly hurt later on, but by the assumption that I was only doing this to appease my conscience. I really didn’t know what was going through his head, and seeing that he didn’t seem willing to give me an answer I sighed and hopped off the barstool.

“Listen, Clyde,” I said, taking out my wallet, “I really don’t know what kind of idea you’ve formed about me today, but I can assure you of one thing: I’ve never asked anyone on a date out of pity. Never did, and never will.” I pushed two notes on the counter and shoved the wallet back. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Clyde,” I said, and I cringed as I recognized the tone I usually used in class. “I’ll see you around. I guess.”

I turned around and left, feeling a lot worse than I did when I entered. I was leaving the bar on the brink of tears once again, this time of frustration not of shame. It was like every time I came here something bad happened. Maybe they were right. Maybe it was cursed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading and sending kudos my way! Love you guys! I hope you'll like the next chapter too.

Rejection is always a tough pill to swallow. It wasn’t the first time I’d gotten rejected and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but it still didn’t go down easily. I found myself moping at home the next few days, following what I’d gotten used to calling the ‘series of unfortunate events’ related to Clyde Logan. Not that I had that many alternatives anyway, being a friendless nobody in a small town, but this time it felt self-imposed. 

In the meantime I cut the grass in my yard and discovered a few rose bushes that were beautiful, but mean to my hands, I watched how the living room ceiling started leaking one rainy afternoon, signalling a pretty serious hole in the roof, nearly broke my neck going into the basement because there was a missing step I hadn’t seen before; I opened the vodka bottle all by myself and realized that he had been right, drinking alone wasn’t fun at all, but I was doing it anyway to hide my shame; I ate ice cream and binged Netflix shows for the rest of the week. 

But there’s a limit to how much time you can spend alone at home before starting to go insane. I reached mine the next weekend and for a moment I considered paying Mellie a visit, but then I remembered the whole Clyde ordeal and I decided against it. I was sure that he’d told her everything and I really didn’t feel like talking about it. It was bad enough that I was beating myself up over it, I didn’t need someone else to rub it in. So, since the Duck Tape was off-limits for obvious reasons, and I didn’t feel like exploring for another bar in the neighbourhood I was left with only one option: the country fair.

I used to really love country fairs and carnivals and all that when I was a teenager, but it was probably because I’d be with my friends and there would be booze and food and we’d just be stupid together. I wasn’t sure I’d find them as charming nowadays, but at least I’d be moping outside, in public, which was an improvement to being secluded in my own home, waiting for another rain to invade the living room through the ceiling. So I showered, dressed like a semi-decent swamp witch and went to the damn thing. 

As expected, the country fair didn’t impress me at all but it was a way to kill a few hours while feeling like less of a hermit than usual. I ate something, tested some insanely sweet drinks, and stuffed my face with enough ice cream to endanger my health, so in the end I found myself sitting on a bench, dangerously close to a food coma, with nothing better to do than to watch the crowd. Other people seemed to have way more fun than me. There were couples holding hands, parents with their kids, teenagers in groups visiting attractions and Clyde Logan with a blonde kid attached to his arm. Wait, what?

I have to say, this was the last place I had expected to see Clyde Logan. In my head, country fairs didn’t really fit his style (because I had spoken to him twice and I knew all there was to know about the man, obviously), and I assumed he’d be too busy with the bar to come to one anyway. I remembered that it was pretty early and the bar probably wasn’t open yet, but his presence in my field of vision was still unexpected.

I sighed dramatically and leaned back, arms crossed over my chest. Speak about bad luck, I thought. I came here to avoid him and there he was, swinging a blonde kid on his very toned arm. Actually, I didn’t mind the view. He was distracted by the kid and far enough not to notice my staring, so I indulged in it for a moment. There’s no harm in looking, right? Especially when he was wearing a dark, short-sleeved shirt that seemed at least a size too small, the buttons threatening to give in anytime he flexed his muscles while lifting the little girl in the air. His niece? Maybe. She seemed vaguely familiar, so I assumed she had been part of the onslaught of school kids that were sent to visit the college I worked at. Or maybe she was his kid. I had no way of knowing for sure. 

Whatever the case, he looked really good doing it. He was smiling for a change. An open and honest smile lit up his usually somber face, and I just couldn’t look away. I caught myself wishing he would smile at me like that, but then I realized that we were practically strangers and I hadn’t made the best impression the first time we met. And since he clearly rejected me, I had to get over this crush ASAP if I wanted to live peacefully in this town. 

The little girl let go of his arm and ran back to a couple that, after a bit of squinting, I recognized to be Jimmy Logan and his sister Mellie. They both looked different—after all it had been more than a decade since I’d last seen them—but not so much that I didn’t recognize them. Jimmy lifted the girl in the air and kissed her, then put her down and looked straight at me with a shit eating grin on his face. The feeling was similar to being punched in the gut. I remembered that in another life I’d dreamed of Jimmy Logan looking at me with a smile, but right now the only thing I felt was panic, so I decided to get the hell out of there before Mellie noticed me and I’d have to be part of a very awkward conversation. 

But luck definitely wasn’t on my side today, because the little girl started running towards me yelling ‘Miss’ at the top of her lungs. Oh, now I recognized her: she was the pageant girl. Really smart kid, very bubbly and friendly, talked my ear off during the college tour. Her favourite subject was, of course, pageants. 

“Hi!” I said, when she stopped in front of me, grinning from ear to ear. “You must be… uhhh… uhhhh.” Crap. I had been calling her pageant girl in my head for so long that I’d forgotten her name.

“Sadie!” she helpfully reminded me. 

“Sadie, right. How are you today?”

“Good. Daddy brought me to the fair to see the auctioneers. And later uncle Clyde will win me a unicorn.” I did my best not to steal a glance at Clyde at the mention of his name, not wanting to invite any more attention towards me. Hopefully I’d be able to get out of here before the adults ganged up on me.

“Awesome!” I said, panic clearly noticeable in my voice, because Jimmy Logan was rapidly approaching (despite his visible limp) with Mellie following closely. “It was nice seeing you today, Sadie, but I have to go now. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for your unicorn.”

“Aw, leaving already?” She looked genuinely sad and I felt bad for her, but I felt even worse for myself, so I had to go. 

“Yeah, leaving already? Without even saying hello?” Jimmy caught up to us before I was able to disappear, so I put on my most believable fake smile and hoped for the best. “Come on, don’t be a stranger, Baby,” he said, pulling me into a hug. 

“Well, I kinda thought I was,” I mumbled, but returned the hug. He seemed like a nice person, plus I’d held him on a pedestal for so many years that I could indulge in a hug. 

“Daddy, why are you calling her baby?” Sadie aske, giggling. 

“Cause that’s her nickname,” he said, ruffling her hair. He explained to her that I’d been called Baby ever since I was little, but she had to be polite and call me by my real name. The kid giggled again and I mouthed ‘I hate it’ which made her laugh harder, before turning to face her dad once again. 

“I am surprised you know that. I lived under the impression that you had no idea who I was,” I said, going to hug his sister. “Hi Mellie, long time no see.” In hindsight, I should have kept my mouth shut and pretended we were at least acquaintances. And although I knew it could be interpreted that way, I wasn’t bitter that he never acknowledged me in my teens—after all, it was just puppy love and it had been a decade since then—but I was curious what had prompted this sudden display of familiarity. If anything, I would have expected Mellie to come alone to say hi. 

“Hiya, sweetheart. It’s good to have you back.” She warmly returned my hug.

“What do you mean I had no idea who you were? You’ve been coming to my games since you were twelve and cheered louder than the whole cheerleading squad.” That was true. “How could I not know my biggest fan?”

“So you what, ignored me on purpose?” I said, arching an eyebrow. 

“Well, it’s not like I did it on purpose,” he said and laughed. His laugh was still the same as I remembered, loud and contagious. “But my brother here had the biggest crush on you and I just didn’t wanna make him more jealous.” Well, this was unexpected.

Clyde had conveniently stayed out of my line of sight, keeping his distance, but now I turned to look at him. Never in my life had I seen anyone blush so furiously in a matter of seconds, his whole face even his ears becoming a deep shade of red. He was glaring at Jimmy who seemed really unfazed by it. 

“Is that so?” I pressed, feigning innocence, but deep inside me there was a little devil laughing maniacally. I mean, I was aware that it wasn’t very nice of me, but I was feeling a tiny bit of petty satisfaction knowing that I wasn’t the only one embarrassed by the whole situation. Misery loves company.

“Yeah, he only ever came to my games to see you cheer,” Jimmy said, same shit eating grin plastered on his face, seeming completely oblivious to his brother’s discomfort. 

I smiled back but wonder what Jimmy’s motive was. Talking to me out of the blue, after never acknowledging me before, snitching on his brother in a matter of seconds. I knew he was insanely loyal to his family, so why sell him now?

On the whole, the situation was beyond comical. Jimmy was grinning, Clyde seemed set on killing him with a glare, Sadie attached to his arm again asking ‘Is that true, uncle Clyde’ over and over again until he finally mumbled something that sounded like ‘It was a long time ago’. He looked at me like a deer (or a moose) caught in the headlights and I could feel my own cheeks burning. I was in hell. 

“Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?” I asked Mellie, who stood next to me, arms crossed and an amused smile playing on her face. 

“‘Cause he’s a bit of a coward and you were infatuated with my other brother,” she kindly explained. 

“Right.” Made sense. I still felt like something that I should have known about back then—who knows, I might have liked him back—or you know, forever hold your silence type of thing. But knowing this now explained a lot of things. 

Now that the petty satisfaction that I had felt for embarrassing him had died down a little bit, I understood why Clyde rejected me and didn’t seem to react to my flirting. If someone I had been crushing on in my teens showed up on day, insulted me or trampled on my insecurities then tried flirting with me I would have been much less gracious in rejecting them than Clyde had been. Yes, it had been more than a decade since highschool, and I was pretty sure his crush on me was dead and buried (like the one I used to have on Jimmy), but it was something that could potentially still hurt after years. So once again I was flooded by guilt.

“Well, it was… uhh… fun meeting you guys, but I have to head back now,” I said, getting ready to bail. Enough embarrassment for a day. Served me right for wanting to get out of the safety of my home. Never again. 

“Come on, we’ve just met and you wanna leave already?” Mellie said with a disappointed look on her face.

“It’s not that, I just have some things to do at home,” I tried excusing myself. “Give me your phone number and we can hang out another time,” I said fishing my phone out of my pocket.

“The things will still be there tomorrow, but you’re never getting back today,” Jimmy said with a wink.

“Wow, who knew my brother was a philosopher,” Mellie arched an eyebrow at him. I laughed.

“Please, Miss,” Sadie latched onto my hand, pulling me towards the booths. “Daddy said I’ll get to be your guide today, show you around the fair. Pleaaase.” How could you say no to a kid? Big-eyed, freckled, and more full of life than I’d ever been. 

I looked over to Clyde who had returned to a somewhat normal shade, although there was still some pink tinting his cheeks. He still seemed highly uncomfortable about this whole thing, his whole body looking tense. I tried imagining what he felt: a week ago he was living a (supposedly) peaceful life and then Baby was back in town and he’d been insulted, hit on and then embarrassed by his brother in front of his family. If I’d been in his place, I would have faked my death and left the country by now. 

“I don’t think I should…” I said, hoping that at least one of the siblings would take the hint and leave it be. 

“Nonsense!” Jimmy proclaimed, patting me on the shoulder and nudging me towards Sadie. “Come stay with us a while and I promise you’ll have plenty of time to do whatever you were planning on doing.”

“Are you willing to help out?” 

“If that’s what it takes…”

I snorted. “Half an hour then I’m gone,” I said, following them towards the booths. I send Clyde an apologetic look, hopefully he wouldn’t be bothered too much by my presence for the next half an hour. He seemed to have regained his composure and was following us closely. 

Sadie was still holding my hand as we were mingling into the crowd of people staring at the attractions. She diligently explained to me what everything was, like it was my first time going to a country fair. It was entertaining to watch. She was a really cute kid and honestly, after so many days of self-imposed isolation, it was nice to interact with people in my free time. 

“So, how’s it like being back in your hometown again?” Mellie asked, once Sadie ran over to her dad. 

“Nice, peaceful.” Or that’s how it should have been, if I’d been a little smarter. “But it’s gonna take a bit of getting used to. It’s definitely keeping me busy. My roof just started leaking, something I never thought I’d have to experience, but hooray for adult life,” I laughed. 

“Did you get it fixed?” she asked, a little concerned.

“No, not yet. Called a couple of contractors, but they didn’t have any opening this month.” I sighed. “I don’t have that many contacts in the area, but I’ll keep looking and hope there won’t be rain anytime soon.”

“That sucks,” she said and turned to her brother. “Hey Jimmy,” she yelled, “do you know anyone who can fix a roof?”

“What happened to it?”

“I don’t know,” I answered, truthfully. “It’s just raining into my living room.”

“I can come take a look when I’m free. If it’s not something big I can fix it for you.” He offered.

“Thanks, but…” Was I stupid enough to refuse? Yes. 

“You don’t trust my skills?”

“Oh, I do, but I don’t want you to waste your free time fixing my leaky roof.” It wasn’t just that. I generally preferred to work with people I didn’t know, who were paid to do a job and with who I could argue at the end if the job wasn’t done properly. With friends and family, you just accept what you get, smile and then pay someone else to fix it later. Plus, if they refused payment, you’d have to find a way to make it up to them which meant more complications. And in this particular case I knew I shouldn’t be spending more time with Clyde or his family if I wanted my unrequited crush to die anytime soon. But how do I tell Jimmy that, when he seemed so eager to help? 

“It’s no problem. I’ll take a look and if it’s something I can’t do, I’ll put you in touch with some people who can. When are you free?”

“Not sure, my schedule isn’t fully decided yet.” 

“Then give me a call and we’ll see what works for the both of us. Clyde gimme your phone.” That earned him a frown from his brother. 

“Why? What happened to your phone?” he said on what I guessed was a rather disapproving tone, but handed him the phone nonetheless.

“It’s broken.”

“He forgot to pay for it,” Sadie explained with a giggle. 

“I didn’t forget, I’m not paying it in sign of protests to the shitty plan they forced down my throat,” he muttered. “Anyway, what’s your number?”

He punched in the number and gave me a call. I typed the name Clyde but then changed my mind and saved it as ‘Logan Bros’. Clyde never really wanted my number, so it was just a way for me to get in touch with Jimmy if I needed help. I decided to never call it unless the roof caught fire and I was trapped underneath. 

The phone went back to Clyde and I saw him fiddle with it a bit, probably saving the number. I wondered what he saved me as. Probably used my real name, since I’d never heard him call me Baby. Although for some strange reason, I wouldn’t have minded even if he did. No matter how much I hated the nickname, I was sure I’d very much enjoy it if he moaned it in my ear as he pulled me closer to his chest and… stop. Restrain yourself, woman.

Sadie kept her promise and was a very good guide, which meant I was now very well acquainted with everything at the country fair. Jimmy had bought us corn dogs and cheesy fries and donuts and refused to let me pay for anything, so I retaliated by buying everyone snow cones and funnel cake. By the time we reached the shooting galleries, I was so full I was ready to burst. 

As Sadie was searching the booths for the toy she wanted I bought a bottle of water, hoping to wash away the nausea caused by all that deep fried food I had shoved down my throat earlier. Seeing that Clyde had fallen behind and we could finally be alone for a bit, I decided to go and talk to him. 

“Sorry for crashing your family outing,” I said, standing besides him as we both watched Sadie’s quest to find the best toy. “It wasn’t my intention.”

“It’s alright” he said, briefly glancing at me. “I have to apologize for how my brother acted today. I guess he’s just excited that you’re back in town. He doesn’t have that many friends.”

I had to admit that Jimmy Logan being lonely and not surrounded by hordes of friends was something that I would have never imagined. But I could see it now, after all we were both in the same position: two formerly popular kids that had fallen from grace and were now regular nobodies. Most friendships we made in our teens weren’t the kind that lasted a lifetime.

“I’m actually really enjoying this,” I said, trying to open the water bottle and failing. My hands were still very greasy from all that deep fried food. “But don’t tell anyone or I have a feeling I might get friend-dopted by your family and you’ll never get rid of me,” I said with a wink, to which he smiled. An actual smile. Directed at me. 

“Lemme help you with that,” he said, noticing my pathetic attempt at opening the bottle. He held it under his left arm, effortlessly unscrewing the cap. 

“I’m completely useless” I mumbled retrieving the bottle, and he chuckled. 

In the meantime Sadie seemed to have found what she was looking for and dragged both Clyde and me towards one of the booths. She showed him what he wanted and after paying he was given a shabby airgun. I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone look at a rifle with more contempt in their eyes. I was certain he was used to a different type of guns, especially since he had been in the military. 

“Piece of crap,” he mumbled, to no one in particular, disgust clear in his voice. 

“Welcome to the glamorous world of carnivals, Mr. Logan,” I laughed.

He shot me a dirty look and aimed. He missed the first two targets, but got the other three. It was still quite impressive, I was sure the only thing I’d be able to hit with any rifle would be my foot, especially since everyone knows the games are rigged and the guns aim screwed on purpose. He paid for another round and I kept my fingers crossed. Sadie had climbed onto her father’s shoulders and was cheering from above.

This time he got the first target with very little effort. And the second one. And the third. By the fourth I was probably as excited as Sadie, although a little less vocal. The fifth target came down just as effortlessly as the others and both Sadie and I cheered loudly. The vendor faked excitement and handed him the toy, making a bit of a spectacle to attract other customers. ‘Look everybody, you can win even with one arm!’ he bragged, and I hated him already, but Clyde didn’t even seem to notice.

“Which one do you want?” he asked Mellie, after giving Sadie her toy. 

“One of those,” she said, pointing to a bunch of little plushies that could be hung on the rearview mirror. 

“Alright,” he said, and paid for another round. This time, it seemed like he didn’t even have to aim. He just pointed the rifle and the targets went down one after another, to the vendor’s increased irritation and to my delight. 

Clyde gave the toy to his sister who thanked him with a kiss on the cheek, then turned to me. “Which one do you want?”

“Me?” I said, taken by surprise. “You want to get me one too?”

“Yep,” he said, not looking me in the eye.

“Okay.” I grinned and turned to look at the booth, scanning the toys on display. To be honest, none of them caught my eye, but I really wanted Clyde to win me one.

“Get her the big one,” Jimmy butted in after placing Sadie back on the ground, pointing to a giant white teddy bear with a checkered bow under his chin that was placed above the other toys.

“Do you want that one?” Clyde asked me and I shrugged. I didn’t really care, since it wasn’t about the toy. 

“Any of them is fine, really.” 

“Okay.”

“You need to hit those ten targets for the big one. Bullseye,” said the man behind the counter, annoyance clearly visible on his face. By the way he frowned he didn’t seem to be used to people winning his game that easily. 

Clyde paid the fee and took the rifle once again. This time he used his prosthetic arm for added stability and took his time to aim. My breath caught in my throat with every shot and with every fallen target my excitement grew. Bullseye after bullseye until the seventh target didn’t fall. It was weird, because I was pretty sure it was also a bullseye. Clyde frowned, just as confused as me, but proceeded to hit the other targets. 

“Well, better luck next time,” the man said, with a satisfied grin on his face, extending his hand to take the gun back from Clyde.

“I want another round,” Clyde said, pushing the money towards him. 

“Uuuh… maybe we should let someone else try?” the man tried getting away from this. He seemed like a really unpleasant person. “It’s a kid’s game after all.” 

“Really?” Jimmy asked, leaning on the counter. “Cause I don’t see any sign sayin’ ‘you gotta be this old to shoot’. And his money was good enough the first three rounds.”

“Well, you see…”

“No, I don’t see,” he cut him off, and for a moment his voice became pretty threatening. “Let him try again, he’s got a girl to impress.”

I knew I was blushing so I pretended to be very interested in the contents of another booth, missing the rest of the conversation. When I was sure that my cheeks had somewhat regained their normal colour, Clyde was ready to shoot once again. This time, he aimed for the seventh target alone. Ten shots later, one more precise than the other, and the target was still standing. 

“The spring is too strong for the power of this rifle. No matter how many times you shoot it won’t budge.”

“It’s not true, maybe you didn’t hit it right in the center.”

“I’m sure I did,” he said and for the first time his voice took on a menacing tone. 

“Really, old man? Have you seen him shoot? I can guarantee that he landed every shot.”

“The target’s still standing, there’s nothing...”

“Do you want me to bring a real gun? I’ve got one in my car. See if your targets still stands then. But you gotta hope he doesn’t miss and lands one in that crusty ass of yours.” He seemed really serious this time so I decided it was time to intervene before shit hit the fan. Both brothers seemed really stubborn, and I could understand why, but it just wasn’t worth it. Everyone knew these games were rigged, and it’s not like I really wanted that toy. 

I walked over to Clyde and placed my hand on his elbow to get his attention. He looked at me and the tense expression on his face loosened up a bit. “It’s ok,” I said softly, trying to get him to calm down. “I don’t really need the toy. I’m already impressed so no need to get into an argument for this.”

“Give him the damn bear, or I’m setting your booth on fire,” I heard Jimmy snarl, and my jaw dropped. So much for trying to de-escalate the situation. 

“You can’t do that,” the man laughed, but there was fear in his eyes. 

“Try me.”

The vendor looked from Jimmy to Clyde, who had a steely expression on his face, to me, still clinging onto Clyde’s elbow like a scared mouse, to Mellie who had a mocking smile on her face. Sadie was the only one who was hugging her toy and didn’t seem to give a damn. The man sighed and muttered an array of curses, but took the bear and threw it on the counter. 

“Take it and get lost! I don’t wanna see any of you ever again!” he spat and turned his back to us. 

I realized I was still clinging to Clyde’s arm when he moved to place the rifle on the counter so I let go. I was so close I could smell his cologne and it send a shiver down my spine. He didn’t seem to notice as he grabbed the bear so I did my best not to appear flustered when he returned. 

“Here you go,” he said, handing me the giant teddy, his face calm once again, like he hadn’t been ready to snap that man’s neck just a few moments before. I cheerfully thanked him and took the toy. 

The bear was huge. It might not have been as tall as me, but it was definitely much wider. I struggled to hold it, trying my best not to drag its feet on the ground and mess up its pristine, white coat. With it in my arms I couldn’t see the ground I was walking on and nearly stepped on Sadie who was laughing at me the whole time. 

“I think it’s better if I carry that,” Clyde said, taking the bear from my grasp. He was taller, so the toy didn’t seem to smother him like it did to me. He grabbed it by the bow and flung it over his shoulder like a duffle bag.

“Thanks,” I said, able to breathe once again, “but now I should be going. I still have a lot of things to do today and I have work tomorrow, so…” 

The whole outing ended up being much longer than the half an hour I had promised in the beginning, but I didn't mind. I had some time to catch up with Mellie as we were stuffing our faces and I was pleasantly surprised that we still got along pretty well. Sadie was a sweetheart and despite finding him a little annoying at first, Jimmy was really nice too. His sense of humour was a little blunt and sometimes pretty acid, but I liked him. Clyde kept his distance most of the time, and didn’t talk to me that much, but I guessed that was just how he was. He didn’t really seem bothered by my presence, so I just assumed he was a bit more of the introverted type. But no matter how much I enjoyed it, it was time for me to go home. 

“Alright,” Clyde said, and for the first time no one argued. “I’ll walk you to your car.” At first I wanted to protest because I’m a big girl and I can see myself to the car, but then I realized that if a cute guy wants to walk with me, why should I refuse? After all, I really liked him and this was a chance to spend five minutes alone with him. Yes, I knew nothing would happen, but my brain latched onto any tiny amount of hope.

“Don’t forget to call about the roof,” Jimmy said, picking Sadie up and giving her a kiss. 

I’d completely forgotten about the roof. “Yeah, I will give you a call the moment I know when I’m free,” I lied and ruffled Sadie’s hair. I told her she could come visit me anytime she wanted, to help me find the blueberry bushes in the chaos that was currently my garden. Mellie gave me a hug and promised she’d call when she had some time off so we’d get coffee together and catch up on things.

I turned to look at Clyde and burst out laughing at how comical he looked with his serious face and the head of the bear peeking over his shoulder. “I kinda see a resemblance between the two of you,” I said, pointing towards the bear’s nose, making Clyde turn his head to look at it. “I think I’ll name it ‘Clyde The Bear’, whatcha say, Sadie?”

“Yesss!” she laughed, and Clyde the Human frowned at the both of us. 

“Well, take care of both of them,” Jimmy said with a wink, before being dragged by Sadie to another attraction. 

“Bye, sweetie,” Mellie waved and followed her brother. 

So now it was just me and Clyde and I had a feeling it was going to get awkward fast, so I started walking towards where I remembered parking my car earlier that day. Clyde followed me closely, like a big and benevolent shadow. 

“Are you really gonna name it Clyde the Bear?” he asked out of the blue.

“Yeah. I mean, if it doesn’t bother you.”

“No, it doesn’t bother me,” he said and he had the tiniest of smiles on his face.

“Ok then, Clyde the Bear it is,” I said with a grin, but he looked away. 

He was silent the rest of the way to my car. I unlocked it and he shoved the giant toy in the backseat, making sure to position it so that I could still use my rearview mirror. I was getting ready to thank him and say goodbye when he spoke again. 

“I wanted to apologize,” he said, passing a hand through his hair. 

“For what?” I was genuinely confused. He’d already apologized for Jimmy kidnapping me for the day, and I really hoped he noticed that I was having a really good time so he wouldn’t start again. 

“For being rude to you. Last time, at the bar…” He seemed really nervous once again.

“You weren’t being rude,” I said, suddenly nervous myself. “I crossed some boundaries without realizing. And I may have also overreacted a bit. The exit might have a bit more dramatic than necessary,” I mumbled.

“Anyway,” he said, and it seemed like he was making a conscious effort to force the words out of his mouth. “I’m gonna be at the bar later if you wanna drop by and have some drinks. On the house, of course,” he added, increasingly flustered.

This was getting tricky, because I didn’t really know if he was asking me out or just trying to make it up to me for the rejection. I knew I could always ask, but given the way he reacted to me asking him out the last time, the direct approach didn’t seem to be the best idea. So now I really didn’t know if he was interested or not, but I decided to go with the flow. If he liked me, he’d tell me at some point and if not, I’d still make a friend, and that was great. Just don’t fall too deep.

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to drop by tonight,” I told him, truthfully. “I still have a lot of things to do and an early class tomorrow, but can I take a rain check on that?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. You’re always welcome to come over. Anytime you want.”

“Perfect, thank you.” I smiled. He was really cute when he was flustered like that. 

I said goodbye and got into my car. He followed me with his gaze until I left the parking lot, and even then I could still see his outline in the rearview mirror. A gentle giant in the sea of parked vehicles, watching over me. It made me smile.

I don’t really know how I got home, because my mind was full of Clyde Logan and replays of every little detail of what happened earlier that day. I really hoped I hadn’t ran anyone over with my car, because I was pretty sure I didn’t need the jail time. 

I pulled Clyde the Bear out of the backseat and kicked the door shut, almost stumbling down in the process. I was surprised to notice that it faintly smelled like Clyde’s cologne. While I was planning to shove it in the washing machine the moment I got home I was starting to have second thoughts. 

I went straight to my bedroom and threw the bear onto my bed, then after a few seconds of pondering I plopped down next to it. I was so tired. It ended up being really fun day, despite the odds, but it left me drained of energy. Walking around and eating all that crap had taken a toll on me, but I was sure that if I only closed my eyes and rested for ten minutes I’d be able to finish the chores for the day. And who knows, maybe even grab a beer at Clyde’s bar later that night. 

When I woke up it was already dark. I had to fish the phone out of my pocket to see how late it actually was. Ten thirty. Crap. Double crap. I hadn’t planned on falling asleep at all, let alone for so many hours, still dressed in my day clothes, in the most uncomfortable position ever. Every inch of my body hurt. 

I crawled over to the bathroom and peeled off my clothes, discarding them in the already full laundry basket. I had laundry to do. Well, it was too late for that now, but luckily I still had some clean work clothes for the next day. I was running out of underwear though. I stepped into the shower, hoping that the water would help clear the brain fog the impromptu nap had left behind. Even if I skipped doing the laundry, I still had a mountain of dishes left to fester in the kitchen sink. I had nothing prepared for tomorrow’s lunch so I’d have to either starve or eat out, and since my budget was running tight, I couldn’t really afford to eat out if I wanted to buy groceries this week. And speaking of groceries, there wasn’t much left in the fridge anyway, so I’d have to make do with just toast and coffee in the morning. I hadn’t vacuumed. I hadn’t cleaned the bathroom. There was a report that I promised I’d start working on today. I was screwed. 

I spent the next fifteen minutes just laying down on my bed, wrapped in a towel, completely overwhelmed. I didn’t even know where to start, so in the heat of the moment I decided to just not do any of it. In a burst of energy given by the power of insanity I threw the towel on the floor and rummaged through my closet, looking for anything clean. I got dressed in a hurry—after all, I had no idea at what hour the bar was closing and tomorrow was a work day—grabbed my purse and was out the door without even looking back at my forgotten responsibilities. I didn’t take the car, instead I walked. It was only a fifteen minute walk at most, and I wanted to enjoy the cool night air. 

The bar was surprisingly lively when I entered. There were a lot more people than the last time I’d been there, watching a game on the flat screen tv. There were a few people seated at the bar, so I chose to sit in a corner, as far away from the others as possible. 

“Finished all your work?” Clyde asked from the other side of the counter.

“Yeah, yeah,” I lied, but couldn’t keep a straight face. “By which I mean I fell asleep the moment I got home and napped until like half an hour ago and did absolutely nothing.” Clyde laughed and it was the first time I’d heard him laugh out loud. “So I did what every responsible adult would do in this situation: went out for a drink.”

“What can I get you?”

“I don’t know. A beer?” I shrugged.

“It’s on the house, are you sure you don’t want anything else?”

“Hmm… I think I’ll trust my bartender then,” I said, flashing him one of my best smiles. 

“Another cocktail or something stronger this time?” he asked, placing a napkin in front of me.

“I walked here, and since I know I won’t fall asleep after that nap, I might as well get shitfaced and faint instead. Gimme something strong.”

“Alright,” he said, placing two shot glasses on the counter, one in front of me and one in front of himself. He chose a bottle from the rack behind me and filled the glasses. “Cheers,” he said, lifting his glass. 

I imitated him, downing my own drink. The sudden burn of the alcohol running down my throat made me grimace, no matter how much I tried keeping a straight face. He just smirked. 

“Is it better or worse than your expensive vodka?” he asked, the smirk still playing on his lips. He seemed a lot more open and in a much better mood than he was earlier that day, something that made me think the shot of vodka he had shared with me wasn’t the first one of the night. But I wasn’t complaining, not at all. Anything that kept the smile on his face was good by me. He was much cuter when he smiled. 

“I have no idea, to be honest. I only drink for the buzz, the drink itself doesn't really matter. Besides, I’ve been drinking cheap alcohol for so long that I think I’ve fried my tastebuds already.”

“Well then, maybe you should start drinking better alcohol,” he said, this time chilling the vodka over ice and pouring it in a tumbler, before placing the glass in front of me. “And savour it.”

“Aye aye, Captain,” I said, smiling at the seriousness in his voice. “You know, I still have like… three quarters of the bottle left. I’m waiting for you to come and tell me if it’s worth the shitload of money my friends paid for it.”

“I might actually take you up on that offer one day,” he said, and turned around to tend to other customers. Oh, will you now?

“Well then you better hurry, cause I keep drinking from it and it will be empty eventually,” I said, raising my voice to make sure he could hear me. 

What kind of game are you playing with me, Clyde Logan, I thought taking the opportunity to check out his ass. He really had a great ass. And an amazing back. I tried imagining what his bare skin would feel like under my fingers and if all of his body was just as full of beauty marks as his face. I took a big gulp of vodka, hoping that the alcohol would purify my thoughts and I actually remembered to swish it though my mouth before letting it burn down my esophagus. Yep, it tasted exactly like vodka. And future bad decisions. 

“So how come we never talked in highschool?” I asked, once he turned back to me. “I mean, we must have bumped into each other, the school wasn’t that big.” It wasn’t my intention to talk about his crush on me, but it really bugged me how I’d never noticed him. I know the thing about secret admirers is the ‘secret’, but you should at least be aware of their existence. 

He shrugged. “I guess I just used to be invisible.”

“I can hardly believe that,” I laughed. “Even if you were just half as big as you are now, you would have still been pretty noticeable.” I took another gulp of vodka, to make sure I had a reason to be blushing. “I have no idea what I just said but you should probably take it as a compliment.” 

Clyde smiled and refilled my glass, then poured one for himself too. “I mostly kept to myself. I didn’t like attracting too much attention.”

“Why’s that?”

“People laughed,” he said, and a shadow passed over his features. He hastily downed his drink, as though he tried to wash away the memory. 

“Well, people are shit,” I announced in a theatrical tone. It seemed that the alcohol had already gone to my head. “You should have come to me and my friends instead.”

“Really?” he smiled, and leaned on the counter.

“Yeah, we were awesome. Not asholes or anything. You would have loved us,” I said, and chuckled at the blatant lie. Truth was, many wanted to be us, but no one really liked us. “Maggie would have made a cheerleader out of you. And you would have been good at it,” I said pointing a finger at his nose. “You’re tall and athletic and you could have pulled that… that… the fuck was it called? When you throw someone in the air and catch them before they faceplant?”

“How come you didn’t join the cheerleading squad?”

“I tried. Went with Maggie to the tryouts. She made the team and I broke my nose,” I said with a grimace. “There was blood everywhere. But I think if you would have been on the team you would have caught me.”

“I would have tried my best.”

“It wasn’t for me anyway. Too much work and too many people looking at my ass in that short skirt. I didn’t really like my ass back then.”

“I liked your ass,” he said, and I saw the exact moment he realized what he had said, because all colour drained from his face. 

“Well, I like your ass now,” I said looking at him over the rim of my glass, as the blood rushed back to his face. Luckily another patron called for him, so he didn’t have to say anything and gave him a moment to compose himself.

I was pretty sure he now knew I was checking his ass, because he had a smirk plastered on his face when he returned a few minutes later to fill my glass.

“Oh, I’m not sure that’s wise,” I said, staring into the clear liquid with both want and fear. “If you keep refilling my glass at this rate I’ll drink it and may not be able to walk back home. I could sleep under one of the tables,” I said, the alcohol already affecting my thinking. 

“If you wait until closing time, I can take you home,” he offered and I had to make an effort not to say something stupid. “They’re already starting to leave, it won’t take much longer before I can close.”

“Thank you. I’d love that,” I said, blissfully ignoring the nagging feeling that I was really going to regret this in the morning. 

The rest of the night was calm, except for the commotion created by a couple’s announcement of their second baby being on the way. I congratulated them, even though I had absolutely no idea who the fuck they were. She seemed to know me so I just smiled and answered her questions. Clyde kept refilling my glass, but much slower this time, making sure I didn’t end up being a slobbering mess. He handed me a water bottle at the exact right time, and in that moment I was pretty sure I loved him. 

By the time everyone left the bar I was pretty drunk, but I was still in control of my own actions, which showed what a responsible adult I’d become, that didn’t get shitfaced when they went out. Well, Clyde was more to thank for this, because with the mindset I came into the bar earlier that evening, if he put a bottle of vodka in front of me I would have tried drinking it all. Now, there was just a pleasant buzz in my head, and a slight numbness in my fingertips. 

“Don’t we have to start cleaning now?” I asked, walking around the empty bar. With the door locked and the TV turned off, the place looked a lot more cozy than before.

“No,” he replied from behind the counter. “I’ll clean up in the morning.”

The bar was an odd combination of old and new. The flat screen TVs contrasted wildly with the old jukebox in the corner. The tables were pretty worn out, but the pool tables looked pretty new, or at least, refurbished. 

“Pity. I would have liked to help. Reminds me of my college years,” I said. “You know my first job in college was busboy? Bus...girl? Is this gendered?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, a friend helped me get this job at a club he worked at. I hated it, but I could go to classes in the morning.”

“You know where to find me if you ever need a job.” Well, you know where to find me if you ever need a blowjob, but I wasn’t drunk enough to say that out loud. Might imagine it later, though. “I could use some help around here sometimes.”

“I’ll let you know if I ever plan on changing my career. But I have to warn you, I once poured beer on my shoes instead of my cup, and I was sober. So don’t expect much from me.”

“You’d just need a little practice and I think you’d do great,” he said, closing the register and going around the bar. “You’d bring in a lot of people cause you’re pretty.”

“What, come for the bartender, stay for the drinks? Good tactic, I know someone it works on,” I said, winking. He smiled and turned off the lights before locking the door behind us. 

“I can walk home,” I said, the cool air clearing my thoughts a little. “You don’t have to take a detour just for me. I’m not that drunk and a bit of fresh air will sober me up further.”

“No, I’m not letting you walk home. It’s cold. Get in,” he said, unlocking the car.

“As you wish,” I mumbled, and hopped in. Truth was, I was happy that he didn’t let me walk alone. Not because I was cold or afraid or anything—alcohol had a hand in that—but because I wanted to spend a little more time in his presence. 

His car smelled faintly like cheap air freshener. The leather on the seats was pretty worn out but soft to the touch, so I melted in my seat and closed my eyes as Clyde turned on the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. I could probably fall asleep like this.

“Do you know where to go?”

“Yep,” he said, and then added after a few moments of silence. “When Jimmy was teaching me how to drive I backed up in your driveway and ran over a few rose bushes and broke your mailbox.”

I burst out laughing. “Oh my god, I remember that. I was away at camp and when I came back my mom told me that two idiots ran over our mailbox.”

“Yeah, it was us,” he laughed. “She was so angry I thought she’d beat the living shit out of us. She made us plant new flowers and build a new mailbox and then paint the fence and cut the grass as punishment. She was a scary woman.” 

“Well you deserved it, I loved that mailbox. I painted it myself, I even painted butterflies on it,”

“I tried copying them, but ummm… it didn’t really come out that great.”

“Those were some terrible butterflies, Clyde. I had to repaint it.”

“I’m sorry about that,” he said and pulled into my driveway. 

It was probably the first time I regretted not living at least few miles away. I was very comfortably nestled in the passenger seat and in my drunken state it felt like a good place to sleep. Especially if he kept driving and talking to me in that soothing voice. I wondered if he’d let me sleep in his car if I asked him. 

“As you can see I no longer have a mailbox, so you can make it up to me for the butterflies by building a new one,” I said, straightening my back. It was time to go home and sleep like an adult. An adult that will have regrets in the morning. 

“I’m not really good with that anymore,” he said, looking at his prosthetic. “But you should call my brother, he’s more skilled than me.”

“Only if you paint some really terrible butterflies on it. I don’t need it without the butterflies.”

“Okay, I will.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he laughed. 

“Thank you for today. For the bear and the drinks and everything,” I said leaning a little closer to him. He looked really cute with a smile still lingering on his face. He had really beautiful lips. I bet they would feel really soft. 

“Goodnight Clyde,” I said, pressing a kiss on his cheek. His skin felt cool against my burning lips. “I’ll be waiting for you to tell me if my vodka was worth the money,” I said getting out of the car. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he said a little bit dazed. “You should come by the bar more often. If you feel like it,” he stumbled over his words a little. 

“Will do. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

I kept debating as I walked to my door if I should just turn around and invite him over to taste the vodka and whatever else he might want to taste, but in the end I played it safe and got into the house. I could still see the headlights from his car as I took off my shoes and for a moment I wondered if he wasn’t having the same debate as me. Maybe he was braver, I hoped, but then I heard the engine and the car left my driveway. 

I sighed and dragged my body over to the bedroom. Clyde the Bear was taking up almost all the space so I just collapsed over him, burying my face in his white fur. “At least you love me, right?” I mumbled.


	3. Chapter 3

I didn’t really expect Clyde to call me after that evening, but I was still disappointed when he didn’t. I’d hoped that it hadn’t been just the alcohol that made him open up, but it seemed I was wrong. Or maybe I was assuming things, and he just didn’t like calling or texting much. After all, I didn’t call either so it wasn’t like I could pretend to be hurt. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango.

But the phone started ringing one rainy morning, as I was placing more pots in the middle of the living room, praying I wouldn’t come home from work to find a flooded house. I really didn’t have the money or the patience to change the flooring.

“Enjoying the rain?” came Jimmy’s voice from the other side of the line, and I was 100% sure he was grinning. 

“Very much, thank you,” I replied, repositioning one of the pots with my toe and accidentally stepping in a wet spot. I cringed at the sensation.

“So you still don’t want me to come over and take a look at that roof for you?” The bastard seemed to enjoy rubbing it in, but I had to admit, I had made it easy for him to do so. 

“I kinda like this indoors waterfall, it’s atmospheric. But if you insist, sure, I’ll let you take a look.”

“Alright,” he laughed. “When are you free?”

“I have weekends off and I’m free today in the afternoon and tomorrow morning. Nothing else is set.” 

“Okay. I’ll see if I can drop by later today, after work. Give me a call when you’re home,” he offered.

“Sure, thanks a lot.”

“No problem.”

Well, it hadn’t been that hard, I thought looking down at my phone. I could have definitely called him before it started raining, but no, the stubborn have to suffer for their stupidity. However, the worst part was yet to come. I added another pot where I could see a new spot of moisture forming on the ceiling and left the house, hoping for the best. 

I was still a bit wary of Jimmy coming and helping out, but I didn’t have much of a choice. It was either this or sleeping in the rain and honestly, I wasn’t very thrilled by the prospect of mould growing in my living room, which was bound to happen if I just sat on my ass and let the roof leak. 

Most of my aversion to the help offer had to do with Clyde, and with what I assumed was Jimmy’s not so subtle attempt at setting us up, or at least at making us interact in some way. I was afraid he’d end up dragging Clyde with him and making it awkward for both of us. At the same time, a small but insistent part of me was hoping that he’d bring Clyde along, because apparently I liked to suffer. But since he admitted to not being very good with these things anymore, I was pretty sure he wouldn’t agree to coming anyway. 

Luckily, it stopped raining before noon, so I could worry a little less about my roof. When I got home I was very happy to discover that none of the pots had overflown, although there was still some moisture on the floor. I emptied them, cleaned up a little and decided to call Jimmy.

“Hello?” I knew Clyde would pick up, after all it was his phone I was calling, but my stomach still did a double flip at the sound of his voice. 

“Hi, Clyde,” I said, pacing around the house nervously, like this was the first time in my life I had made a phone call on my own. “Umm… Jimmy said I should give him a call after I got home from work. About the roof,” I explained, and hoped my voice didn’t betray too much of my anxiety.

“Oh,” he replied and paused, as if he was expecting something else. Or maybe it was just my imagination. “Well, he should still be at work, but he said he’d drop by the bar when he’s done.”

“Will you please let him know I called?” I said, biting my cheek. 

“Yeah, of course I will.” There was another long pause, and I scrambled my brain for something to say. “Anything else I can do for you?”

“Umm… no. No, thanks,” I said, completely disappointed in myself and my inability to find another reason to keep him on the line. 

“Alright. Have a good day, then.”

I facepalmed so hard you could hear it from down the street and sat on the couch, demoralized. I couldn’t understand how I could get so tongue-tied and refused to admit that I might have lost my touch. He wasn’t someone that was hard to talk to, and I knew he’d never make fun of me even if I just found the dumbest reason to keep talking to him. I took out my phone and typed a message. ‘Is it too early to come and grab a beer?’ it said, and my finger hovered over the send button.

The problem was uncertainty, I realized. I wasn’t getting any clear signs from him and I didn’t want to mistake friendliness for interest. The clearest answer I had gotten from him was a rejection and even though he never clearly stated that he didn’t like me, I would have to accept that he probably wasn’t into me. He might have liked me in my teens, but that didn’t mean he’d like me now. It was a bit ironic how the tables had turned. I sighed, deleted the message and shoved the phone back into my pocket. 

Jimmy pulled up into my driveway about an hour later. He looked tired and drained of any semblance of good mood. He tried putting up a facade for me, but his smile never lingered, and I felt bad for making him waste his free time dealing with my problems. 

He didn’t waste any time and climbed into the attic. The roof was pretty damaged, he said, and would probably have to be replaced before winter. It was a pretty big blow, because right now I didn’t have enough money to afford that big of an investment, and I wasn’t sure I could save enough in time. However, Jimmy assured me that he could patch it up so that it wouldn’t leak until I decided to replace it. 

“Thank you,” I said, as he was getting ready to leave. I tried offering him a beer or something to eat, but he refused, saying that he still had some errands to run. “I don’t know what I would do without your help.”

“Hey, this is what friends are for,” he said, noticing my moment of weakness. “I’ll be here Saturday morning after I pick my daughter up. I hope it’s not a problem if she tags along.”

“Oh no, no. Not at all. But you don’t have to take away from the time spent with your daughter to fix my roof. It’s fine, really,” I said, panicking a little. This was new information.

“What you on about?”

“I don’t want you to neglect your daughter for my sake.”

“Hey, relax. We had nothing planned for Saturday, she would have ended up watching me fix things anyway. Plus, she really likes you, so she’ll be excited to see you again. Might do her good to spend time with some other people besides her family.”

“Okay,” I gave up with a sigh, knowing that it would be pointless to argue after he came all the way over here and insisted to help. And to be honest, I really needed his help. “I’ll make you muffins.”

“We love muffins,” he said with a smile. “You said you’re free tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I only have classes in the afternoon.”

“I may have to come by tomorrow to drop some materials, if that’s okay with you.”

“Sure, sure. Just give me a call so I don’t go out or something.”

“Will do.” I waved as he left my driveway, concern still eating at me.

I really didn’t feel like leaching more money off my parents so I spent the whole evening calculating how much I could save by the end of summer if I stopped eating anything that costed me money. I realized that unless I won the lottery I probably wouldn’t have enough, so my only hope was that Jimmy’s repairs would last until later that year or even longer. 

Jimmy didn’t come the next day to bring the materials, instead he sent Clyde with a trunk full of timber and a power saw. It seemed my supposition that Clyde would be dragged into this project had been right, and I was once again left with my confused feelings to watch as he unloaded the truck.

And this kept going for a few more days, sometimes more than once in one day. It was timber once, then another power tool, then some other materials that he said were for waterproofing the roof. Before I knew it, I was expecting him to show up every day, even if it was only for a few minutes. 

“Do you wanna stay for breakfast?” I asked him one morning when he came to bring some tiles because once again Jimmy was conveniently busy. “I’m making eggs and bacon, but I can make you something else if you’d like.”

It was ungodly early and Clyde looked like he hadn’t gotten a full night sleep. When I talked to Jimmy the night before, he said he’d drop the materials before both of us had to go to work, but instead it looked like he had woken Clyde up. 

He seemed a little surprised by my question. I didn’t really understand why, because whenever he came I’d offer him a drink or something, and he politely refused me every time. But this was probably the first time I’d asked him to eat with me and by the looks of it he was probably hungry, so he seemed to actually consider it. 

“Don’t you have to go to work?” he asked, his voice sounding a little hoarser than usual.

“Still plenty of time left. Plus, I have to eat too.”

He seemed to think about it for a moment but then nodded and followed me inside. I was grinning like an idiot. I hadn't really expected him to stay, but I was glad he did. 

I sat him in the corner as I pulled out a pan. He seemed a bit awkward in my crowded kitchen, crammed between the table and the old fridge that I hadn’t managed to take to recycling yet. The kitchen table was in fact the dining room table that I’d just pushed closer to the wall, leaving only a small space to move around it. The old furniture was pretty damaged, so I had to throw most of it away and make do with what I could. I didn’t have the money to furnish my house just yet. I didn’t have the money to do anything.

“Sorry about the mess,” I said, pointing to the stack of boxes under the table and around the wall. “I still have some things left to unpack and organize.” I explained, a bit ashamed that he would see my house in this state, but knowing that he would have seen it anyway on Saturday. 

“It’s okay,” he said, looking around. “That’s what happens when you move. It’s a lot of work.”

“Yeah, especially when you don’t have much money. Do you like your bacon crispy or tender?” I asked looking over my shoulder. 

“Crispy please,” he said. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Umm… You can set up the table if you want. There are plates and mugs in that cupboard.” I pointed at the row of cabinets hung above the kitchen counter. “I made coffee, it’s in that pot. Milk in the fridge, sugar around here somewhere,” I said, flipping the bacon, trying to find that perfect balance between crispy and carbonized. 

He got up and suddenly seemed to take up all the free space in the cramped kitchen. I was once again surprised by how tall and broad he was, his body towering over mine. If he extended his arm he could easily touch the ceiling. He could certainly touch me. If he leaned a little closer, he would pin me against the counter, an idea that I wasn’t opposed to in the least. Instead, he reached out above me and grabbed a couple of plates.

His cologne was still distinguishable over the smell of bacon and it sent a shiver down my spine. As he moved around the kitchen, setting the table, pouring coffee into mugs, it almost felt right. There was no sign of his usual awkwardness, moving around like he belonged there with me, helping with breakfast. 

I turned around, pan in one hand, tongs in the other, ready to place the bacon onto plates when Clyde collided with my back, almost sending me flying. In a split second, both his arms went around my torso, steadying me before I fell to the ground, the plastic one rigid against my ribs. Luckily, I was holding tight onto the pan so both the bacon and my feet were safe. It was way too early in the morning for some second degree burns and a trip to the hospital.

I heard Clyde exhale audibly as relief washed over both of us. For just a moment he pulled me closer to his chest, my body molding perfectly into his larger frame, his hair brushing slightly over the back of my neck. It was a pleasant feeling and I relaxed into his embrace, his chest moving slightly against my back as he was taking in deep breaths. When he realized what he was doing he let go, apologizing profusely. I wanted to put the pan down, shush him and just make him hold me for a while, until my heart stopped beating a million times a minute. The feeling of his chest pressed to my back still lingered on my skin as I placed the bacon onto the plates, and went back to the stove to make the eggs, my hands still shaking lightly. 

In the meantime, Clyde had shrunk back on his chair in the corner, his face tinted with pink. He was looking down at the floor, awkwardly silent once again. 

“It’s my fault,” I said, although after his tirade of apologies, I was pretty sure it didn’t matter what I would say. “I have too much shit in my kitchen. I should buy a table that actually fits.” He lifted his eyes only to look at the table, but didn’t say anything. “I will have to clear up some space, before Sadie comes on Saturday. I was thinking about making muffins with her, if Jimmy doesn’t need my help. Do you think she likes muffins?” I asked, unsure if I had this conversation with Jimmy before or not, but wanting to change the subject as fast as possible. 

“She loves muffins,” he assured me, but his voice was still a little weak.

“Do you like muffins?” I asked, and he finally lifted his eyes from the floor and looked at me.

“Yes.”

“Which ones are your favourite?”

“Blueberry.”

“Ok then, I’ll make you some blueberry muffins. Sadie can help too. She told me you’re her favorite uncle.” I smiled and placed the eggs onto the plates. 

“I’m her only uncle,” he said, and smiled. 

We ate mostly in silence, but it was once again a relaxed atmosphere. He didn’t seem to be very talkative, although I knew that alcohol could loosen his tongue quite a bit. I found that I liked him either way and even though I was naturally more talkative than him, I was relieved that I didn’t have to force a conversation just so that it didn’t feel awkward. He was certainly more comfortable in my presence than he’d ever been before, even with the hiccup that happened earlier. Sober, at least. And to be honest, so was I. 

“Thanks for breakfast,” he said, before getting into his car. “Uhh… and sorry for…”

“No more apologizing, please,” I cut him off before he had the chance to start again. I’d heard enough embarrassed apologies to last me a lifetime. Now I understood why he wanted to quickly shut me up when I went to his bar after the meeting with my friends. “And it was my pleasure. Thanks for helping me out.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you on Saturday then.”

“Is Jimmy dragging you with him?”

“Yes,” he laughed.

“I’m sorry about that,” I said out of habit, but deep down I was happy he was coming too. Speak of the self destructive nature of having a crush on someone. 

“Didn’t we agree on no more apologies?”

“It’s kinda hard to break the habit,” I laughed. “But I guess we should both agree to just one apology a day. The one that breaks the rule has to buy the other one a drink.”

“Deal,” he said, starting the engine. “And sorry about today,” he added, looking at me from behind those long, beautiful lashes of his, an almost innocent smile playing on his lips. 

He may have a somewhat timid and awkward air to himself, but right now he knew full well what he was doing. “You’re a sly one Mister Logan,” I said, shaking my head, but I was grinning. “You owe me a drink,” I said with a playful wink. 

I was still grinning as I stood in the driveway and watched him leave. He waved at me before the car disappeared completely from my line of sight. I pressed my hands to my face, trying to regain my composure, and I felt my cheeks burning. This wasn’t good and Saturday would be worse because now I knew he was flirting back. And there would be Jimmy and the energetic kid and there would certainly be teasing and... hoo boy. 

I grabbed my keys and the rest of my stuff and hurried to work, making a mental note to buy blueberries.  


  


* * *

  
Saturday came with an unexpected wave of heat and humidity that left me unable to move without sweating buckets. Still, I was thankful it wasn’t raining again, although by the way the air felt it would probably start raining soon. Since my house had no AC, I was a bit reluctant to have people over. Nothing I could do now, besides keeping cold drinks on hand and setting up the garden hose in case anyone needed some quick cooling down. (Me. It was definitely going to be me.)

Finding all the ingredients to make muffins from scratch had been a challenge, especially since it seemed that everyone and their mother chose to make something involving blueberries. After getting the ‘I’m sorry, we just sold the last one’ answer from all the local stores, I headed to the nearest supermarket, and then to the next one, where I had to battle a couple of old ladies to get my hands on some. I only won because I was faster, but by the look they gave me as I ran away with the blueberries, they were set on getting revenge. I would have to live in fear for the rest of my life. 

Fortunately, when Jimmy’s car pulled into the driveway, I had everything ready. I was pretty sure I had enough ingredients to potentially feed a small village, but I was really excited by the prospect of baking. It had been a long time since I had a working kitchen and the time to cook (and also, someone to cook for), so I may have exaggerated a bit. I was planning to make blueberry muffins, chocolate chip, raspberry and white chocolate, and maybe banana if anyone wanted more. And sandwiches for lunch, something quick and filling that I could put together in minutes so I could help if they needed me. There was a chicken parmesan casserole already prepped in the fridge, ready to throw in the oven for a filling dinner later on. By the amount of materials piled in my garage, it wasn’t a job that would be finished in a few hours. 

Sadie bolted out of the car with a huge grin on her face and attacked me right away. Jimmy looked reasonably awake, but Clyde looked like a total mess. I guessed he really wasn’t used to waking up this early, since I assumed he was pulling long hours at the bar. I felt bad for him, but not so bad that I wouldn’t smile at his sleepy face. 

“I have coffee,” I said instead of good morning. 

“Don’t worry about him,” Jimmy laughed, earning a sideways glance from his brother. “It just takes a while to wake the bear from hibernation.”

“Well, I’m sorry…”

“One,” Clyde interrupted me, and it took me a moment to understand what he was talking about, but the tiny smirk in the corner of his mouth clued me in. 

“That’s playing dirty,” I said, crossing my arms. Technically I wasn’t apologizing to him, so it didn’t count. Did it?

“Still counts,” he mumbled as he passed me. 

I shook my head and smiled. This was going to be a long day, and I would enjoy the hell out of it. “Anyone want breakfast?” I offered, but Jimmy shook his head.

“We’re good,” he said, pulling a ladder out of the back of his truck. “We better get started soon before it gets too hot.”

“Well, at least come and get some coffee. It’s cold brewed.”

“What’s that?” Jimmy asked, a confused look on his face.

“It’s a fancy type of iced coffee,” Clyde explained. “You put it in cold water and…”

“Why would you drink cold coffee,” Jimmy asked me, completely ignoring his brother who shut his mouth with a frown. 

“It’s refreshing,” I said, shrugging. “It’s perfect for hot weather.”

He didn’t seem convinced. “Yeah, it’s just some of that sophisticated New York shit you brought with you, isn’t it?”

“Oh come on,” I laughed. “It’s not that fancy. It’s just imported Brazilian coffee that I ground yesterday especially for you guys. Coarse ground, steeped into cold spring water for a whole day. Perfect!”

“Wow,” was all Jimmy had to say, but I could see him stifling a laughter.

“Authentic Brazilian coffee and expensive vodka? You must be really high maintenance,” Clyde said, with a serious face.

“Yeah,” I said, winking. “As high maintenance as someone without a working AC unit, a leaking roof and a mostly unfurnished house can be.”

He smiled and I let Sadie drag me for a tour of the house. It wasn’t much to see, but she was really excited to find Clyde the Bear occupying half of my bed. To my embarrassment, I had to admit that I had gotten used to sleeping with the huge toy. It was a really good cuddle buddy and I had gotten into the habit of talking to it when I was feeling like the house was too empty. Yes, I was that pathetic. 

Fortunately, Sadie was the only one to see it, and I was sure none of the adults would invade my bedroom without permission, so I would be spared the embarrassment. Unfortunately, my secret had been safe exactly one minute and twenty-five seconds, exactly how long it took Sadie to find her uncle and rat me out. 

“What?” I replied to Clyde’s amused smile. “I’m basically five. I have no idea who let me be an adult.” If you have no plausible excuse, just run with it. Better than trying to deny it and fuel the teasing. “You lost a muffin for spilling my secret, little lady,” I said, pointing a finger at a laughing Sadie. 

Clyde’s smile grew broader seeing that I wasn’t denying it, but it wasn’t a mocking smile. He was quite cute that Saturday morning, with his sleepy face and his messy hair that looked curlier than usually. There was still a tiny bit of his usual shyness, but it wasn’t as noticeable as before. 

“Anything I can help you guys with?” I asked, when Jimmy returned from my garage with some more tools. 

“Umm… no, not yet,” he said, scratching his head and looking at the roof. “We’ll call you if we need help.”

“Alright,” I said, turning to Sadie. “Do you wanna help me make muffins? I’m not sure I can do everything myself.”

She excitedly followed me to the kitchen. I had made some space the day before, moved the boxes to a corner of the living room, replaced the dining table with a smaller, foldable one I found in storage. Even with an energetic kid running around, there was less of a chance of any accidents happening. Or at least, I hoped. The memory of Clyde catching me in his arms was still pretty fresh in my mind. 

To my surprise Sadie was really good at following directions and actually gave her best. I would have been able to make all the muffins in maybe a third of the time if I had done them at my own pace, but the point was to entertain her while her dad fixed my roof. I didn’t get to spend much time with kids while I lived in New York, since I’d been too busy surviving, but Sadie was such a good kid that I actually enjoyed it. She was quite talkative, telling me stories about her brothers, her mom and dad, about her school and about Clyde and Mellie, so by the time the first batch of muffins were in the oven, I felt like I had been part of the Logan family for ages. 

Working in the kitchen ended up being a bit distracting, I found out pretty early on. After getting out all the necessary materials, they set up the ladder and Jimmy climbed into the attic, leaving Clyde on the ground to hand him things. Right in front of my kitchen window. I fought the urge to call my parents and curse them for designing the only entrance to our otherwise unused attic right in front of my window, so I’d be forced to watch Clyde Logan stretch as he handed tools to his brother, but I remembered that the house was built by my grandparents, and I’d need an Ouija board to contact them. But as time passed and my eyes kept darting to the man outside—whose t-shirt was juuust a bit too tight and his muscles just a bit too taut—I was actually considering Ouija-ing some carefully considered well-wishes to my ancestors. I did my best, however, to focus on something else.

If I were to be completely honest, if Sadie hadn’t been there to distract me from being too distracted by Clyde, I would have probably just pulled a chair in front of the counter, poured myself a perfectly brewed cup of iced coffee and indulged into staring out the window. I mean, that’s how a considerable amount of porn movies started: a hot dude fixing something, a horny woman leering at him and the rough sex that follows, I thought, absentmindedly fanning myself with a napkin, and it wasn’t because of the constantly increasing temperature in my kitchen. 

“Do you like uncle Clyde?” Sadie asked, making me snap out of my thoughts. 

“Yeah, don’t you?” I tried deflecting the question, turning around and opening the fridge. The cool air coming out of it was a blessing. I really needed to get some air conditioning installed as soon as possible.

“Yeah, but that’s not what I asked,” she giggled. 

Of course not. “What did you ask, then?” Play dumb until they get bored, I thought to myself, however I had forgotten just how persistent kids could be. 

“If you like like him,” she said in a serious tone.

“How do you like like someone?” Keep playing dumb.

“Oh you know,” she giggled once again and hopped of the chair coming next to me and the still open fridge. “You wanna go with them on dates, and hold hands, and kiss… and make babies and then get married and live happily ever after.”

Well, that escalated quickly. “In that order?” I asked, getting two sodas from the fridge and finally closing it, just as it started hysterically beeping at me. 

Sadie shrugged as she took the can I handed her. “So do you like him?” she continued, making me almost choke on my drink.

“What makes you ask that?” I tried further deflecting the question, because kids should never be trusted with sensitive information, certainly not one as talkative as Sadie.

“You keep staring at him,” she laughed and I cursed myself for being caught red-handed. 

“I don’t stare at him,” I lied, but I was sure it wasn’t very convincing. “I was just looking out the window, that’s all.” Sadie kept smiling and I shook my head. In the end it’s not like it was that big of a secret that I liked him. After all, he knew and he was the only one that mattered. But I didn’t really want her blurting it out in public and making it more awkward than it already was. “Okay, maybe,” I said, giving her a serious look. “But that’s gonna be our secret. If you tell anyone I’m gonna find out where you live, hide under your bed and tickle you right as you’re falling asleep,” I threatened, approaching her while wiggling my fingers in a pretty menacing way. “Promise?”

“Promise!” she giggled, trying to hide from my tickle attack. 

“Okay, great! Do you want a sandwich?” I changed the subject. I was starting to think that  
The Logans would age me prematurely. Not that I needed any help in that department.

I showed Sadie how to make some icing, just to keep her busy while I put together some sandwiches. She wanted a turkey ham one, with extra mayo and crusts cut off and I made it exactly as she wanted it. Cut it into quarters to make it easier to eat, but Sadie was really taking her whisking job seriously, so I resorted to feeding the pieces to her over the bowl.

I glimpsed out the window to see an amused Clyde watching me feed his niece, a big piece of my own sandwich sticking— pretty comically I assumed— out of my mouth, his hands full with what looked like some old wood. I shoved another piece of sandwich into Sadie’s mouth, swallowed what remained of mine and went to open the window. The boys had been working for quite some time, so I assumed they’d be hungry already. I knew I was, and the only thing I had done all morning was watch a kid paint my kitchen in muffin batter. 

“Would you like to take a break? Grab something quick to eat?” I asked, leaning onto the counter, and trying to get my head out the window. He didn’t seem opposed to the idea, and after throwing the old wood in a pile of garbage, he climbed up the ladder to talk to his brother. 

“Jimmy said he’s not hungry yet. Maybe later.” 

“Are you hungry?” I pressed, because he really looked like he had skipped breakfast. While the cup of coffee I had given him earlier seemed to have woken him up, he still looked a little sluggish.

“A bit,” he shrugged. 

“Ok, I’ll make you a sandwich and you can eat it while working,” I said and he nodded. “What would you like?” 

“Anything is fine.”

I quickly put some things together, making something that was definitely not instagram ready, but it was pretty filling and I knew it would taste pretty good. Placed it on a plate and pushed it towards the open window. 

Clyde had come down from the ladder, a new layer of dust and debris covering him. He had specks of dust caught in his hair and a dark smudge on his nose, like he had tried scratching it with dirty hands. He had to at least take a break and wash his hands, but Jimmy called him from the attic, needing something else. It seemed he wouldn’t be having a moment to spare. 

I sighed and pulled back the sandwich, cut it into small wedges like I did with Sadie’s and grabbed a piece. 

“Clyde, come here,” I called, extending my arm through the open window, once he was back on the ground. He looked at the dirt covering his hands and then at the piece of sandwich in mine. “Bite,” I said motioning to the food. He looked at it a little confused, but then smiled and came closer. He bent down to my level and took a tentative bite. “Put more strength into it, Logan,” I laughed.

I didn’t even try to keep a straight face, because a grown man, built like a brick shithouse eating out of my hand was both comical and surprisingly enticing. He was also laughing and I hoped he wouldn’t choke on the food, because I was sure I wouldn't be able to pull the Heimlich maneuver on him. He took another quick bite as Jimmy called his name again and his lips briefly brushed my fingers. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks, and I returned to the kitchen.

“Don’t laugh at us, young lady,” I said, pointing at Sadie with what was left of the sandwich, “we’re Adults.”

I had to quickly check on the muffins in the oven. They were done so I took them out, placed them on the cooling rack and shoved another batch in. By the time I was done, Clyde had returned and was hovering near the window. I hopped onto the counter to be able to reach better. I gestured for him to stick his head inside as I took another piece of sandwich and brought it to his lips. He was a little too enthusiastic taking a bite and accidentally nipped my finger. 

“My fingers aren’t part of the meal, Logan,” I laughed, while Sadie climbed onto a chair next to me.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, and I could see a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“One!” I grinned, because now I wasn’t at a disadvantage anymore.

I took another piece of sandwich and shoved it into Sadie’s giggling mouth. By now I was sure that both of them could feed themselves, but it was just too funny to stop and both of them seemed to enjoy it. 

“I’m your bird mama now,” I proudly announced, placing the last bits of food into the open and waiting mouths of my newly adopted baby birds. 

A loud shriek coming from above made me jump off the counter, knocking over a glass that shattered on the floor. Clyde scrambled to remove himself from the window without breaking anything, and hurried to climb up the ladder only to be almost knocked down by a panicked Jimmy. 

“What the fuck?” I breathed, completely forgetting that there was a child with me and I should have been watching my language. I grabbed Sadie and carried her over the shattered glass, hurrying to get out the door and see what was going on. 

“Do you have bees or wasps in your attic?” she asked, and seemed a lot calmer than me. 

“Maybe?” It was possible, I couldn’t deny it. “Is he allergic to them?” I asked, feeling a cold shiver run down my spine. 

“No,” she giggled, and somehow that didn’t do anything to calm me down. “Just scared.”

I dropped the girl down on the grass and ran towards her father. Jimmy looked a little pale and his breathing was laboured, but didn’t look injured. 

“What happened?” I asked. 

“He got scared of some wasps, that’s what happened,” Clyde explained with a frown on his face, but I couldn’t tell if his tone was judgemental or not. 

“I’m so sorry,” I said, placing a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. “I had a team come over right after I moved here and they said they took care of any rodents or insects. They told me I had some wasps in the attic, but that they sprayed everywhere and removed the nests and that it shouldn't be a problem anymore. It’s my fault, I should have checked beforehand.” Now I realized just how stupid and unprepared I was. What if he was allergic and he had gotten stung. I didn’t really want to imagine what would have happened. 

“No, no! It’s not your fault. I know there are wasps in attics, and I checked before starting work, but these… these just came out of nowhere and I panicked.”

“I’m so sorry, Jimmy,” I apologized again.

“He just needs a cold beer and he’ll be fine,” Sadie said, showing up out of nowhere with a beer bottle in her hand. She seemed really used to this situation, so it might have been a somewhat common occurrence.

“Thanks, Sadie-bug,” Jimmy said, taking the bottle from her hand.

“Hey, you shouldn’t go into the kitchen,” I said, frowning at her, suddenly remembering the broken glass. “There’s glass everywhere.”

“It’s okay, I jumped over it,” she smiled, incredibly proud of herself, completely ignoring the fact that she could have slipped and landed in the pile of shards. Yep, the Logans would be the death of me. I sighed. 

“Well, y’all wait here while I go clean up and fetch the bug spray.”

“I’ll help,” Clyde offered, and I didn’t stop him. 

As the day was getting hotter, so was my kitchen. With the oven running for so long, it was almost too much. I could feel beads of sweat starting to form on my forehead. Clyde seemed to be taking it even worse than me, but I almost expected it, with his fair skin and all. I considered opening another window, but at this point I knew it wouldn’t make any difference, since it seemed to be just as hot outside too. We’d have to suffer. 

Clyde started sweeping the floor while I took the muffins out of the oven. Due to the whole commotion I had forgotten I had some in, but luckily I saw them in time, before they turned into a pile of charcoal. Sadie would have been sad. I kept glancing at Clyde as I moved around the kitchen. His t-shirt was quickly getting soaked, and I couldn’t stop looking at how it stuck to his broad back. Get a hold of yourself, you foul woman, I scolded myself and I started looking for the bug spray. 

“Three,” he said as he caught me stealing another glance. 

“What? No! Nope. It wasn’t said to you, it doesn’t count.”

“It does count.”

“No it doesn’t,” I said, pointing a finger at his nose. “Plus it was something I had to apologize for. Someone nearly died attacked by wasps.” I didn’t know why I was resisting, after all I just had to buy him a couple of drinks, and to be honest I wasn’t opposed to spending more time with him. I just didn’t want to lose at this stupid game we were playing.

“Well that’s why you have one apology a day,” he said in a serious manner. “Don’t waste it.”

“It wasn’t meant for you so it doesn’t count,” I insisted. “Unless you wanna follow me around to see just how many times I apologize to other people, you won’t be able to know for sure. And come on, don’t make it too easy,” I said, winking at him. 

He stopped sweeping and looked at me for a few moments. “Alright,” he said, resigned, “it’s still one, then.”

I grinned and went back to looking for the can of spray. I found it by the time the floor was cleaned and both of us drenched in sweat. With the oven turned off and the window open, I was hoping it would eventually cool down, but there was no sign of that happening anytime soon. 

I grabbed the can and went outside, Clyde following me closely. It was some type of industrial grade bug spray I had brought with me from New York. There’s nothing better than New York to teach you how to deal with a bug problem. I knew for a fact that it worked on wasps too, because I manually sprayed some before I called a team of professionals to deal with them. 

That being said, I wasn't overly thrilled by the prospect of going into the attic to battle god knows how many angry wasps, but I had no choice. 

“I can go up there,” Clyde offered, but I could see he wasn’t thrilled either.

“Nah, you’re too tall to fit in there,” I said. The attic was nothing more than a cramped space between the roof and the ceiling, it wasn’t big enough for Clyde to stand properly. 

“But…” he objected.

“My house, my rules,” I cut him off and started climbing the ladder. 

The only upside of this whole situation was that Clyde was getting a great view of my ass, as he held onto the ladder to stabilize it. I really hoped he was enjoying the view, because soon I’d probably come back down stung by wasps and doused in bug spray, which I suspected wasn’t such a great look on me. I climbed inside the attic and glanced down. By the light blush on his cheeks and his averted gaze I was pretty sure he’s enjoyed the view. Of course, it could have just been the heart, but it could also have been my ass. 

I didn’t step inside as full of courage as I wanted, but at least there was no one up there to watch me cowardly look around for the stingers. The space was incredibly hot and full of dust and my throat and lungs didn’t like it one bit, but I kept as silent as I could so I would hear the wasps. Luckily, there was a big hole in the roof where Jimmy had started taking off the tiles, so there was more than enough light. 

I found the culprits after a few minutes of searching. They were trying to build a new nest next to a beam, and I ruthlessly sprayed them before they could attack me. I felt sorry for them, but this was my house and they should have found a better place to invade. I took down the half built nest, as the exterminator had told me to do, and sprayed the spot where it had been attached. 

I left the can next to Jimmy’s tools before climbing down. In case anything like this happened again, at least he had a weapon.

“All done,” I said, hopping down the ladder. I was greeted with some enthusiastic cheers. “How about we take that break now? I think the muffins have cooled down by now and they’re awaiting to be tasted.” More enthusiastic cheers. “I think I’ll bring the food outside, it’s a bit too hot and stuffy in the house. Sadie, wanna help me? There’s the hose, you can wash up if you want, or you can use the bathroom inside.”

I placed the food on paper plates and Sadie carried them outside one by one, hopefully without dropping anything on the ground. We placed a big blanket on the grass, because bringing out the table and chairs would be too much work and everyone decided it just wasn’t worth it. Sadie said it felt like a picnic and we just went along with that. 

I came out with cold drinks and nearly dropped the bottles when I rounded the corner, because a shirtless Clyde dousing himself with the garden hose was really something I wasn’t expecting to see. The whole porn idea flashed through my brain again and I almost turned around and went back to the house but that would have been a bit too obvious, especially since Clyde turned his head and looked at me. I averted my gaze and hurried to the blanket. 

Jimmy was grinning and I wanted to strangle him.

“Whatever’s behind that grin, I don’t wanna hear it,” I warned him and placed the bottles on the blanket, plopping next to him.

“I ain’t saying nothing!” He lifted his arms in a defensive gesture and opened a beer bottle, but the grin still plastered on his face scared me. So that wasn’t very reassuring. 

“Well I can almost hear you thinking it.” I didn’t know what ‘It’ was, but I was scared. 

“I don’t have to say anything, your blush speaks for itself,” he said, grabbing a sandwich, and I wanted to shove it down his throat whole so I’d be sure he’d keep his mouth shut, but Sadie reappeared from somewhere around the bushes and I knew better than to allow myself to be violent in front of a kid. For now at least. 

However, he kept his word and didn’t say a thing while we ate, but he did snicker when Clyde joined us. He wasn’t shirtless anymore, thank heavens, because if he were I’d probably spontaneously combust, but his t-shirt was wet and stuck to his chest in all the right places and... okay, this wasn’t that much better. I did my best to focus on anything else for the remainder of the meal.

The food— and especially the muffins— had been very well received by the Logans and it made me really happy. It felt nice being appreciated and also it felt nice to be able to do something for the people who were giving up their free time to help me out. I was really lucky that someone cared enough for me to do that.

But I think what made me the happiest was Clyde’s confession that he hadn’t eaten muffins so tasty since the ones his mother used to make. It was sad that since she passed no one made them muffins anymore, so I promised I’d bake more for them if they agreed to build me another mailbox. With hand painted butterflies and all. Jimmy almost choked laughing and recounted the story in more (embarrassing) detail than Clyde had and by the time we finished eating, my jaws were hurting from laughing so hard.

Mellie showed up as we were picking everything up and bringing the leftovers inside. 

“Sadie, sweetie, your mom sent me to pick you up. She wants you to go shopping today,” she told her, after saying hello and giving me a hug.

“Awww…” Sadie whined. “But I don’t wanna leave yet! We didn’t even finish making all the muffins.” She looked at me with pleading eyes, as if I could do something about it.

“I’m sorry sweetie, but your mom said it’s for the pageant and you have to go today.” Not even hearing the magic word could make her feel better, her face scrunched into the most pitiful frown I’d seen in a while. 

“I’ll make the rest and send you some,” I tried offering an alternative, because even if I wanted her to stay, her mother was the one to decide. “And then you can come another time and we’ll make more. Hopefully it won’t be as hot as it is today so we can make cupcakes and I can show you how to make animals out of frosting.” A spark of enthusiasm flashed through her eyes, but then she crossed her arms, disgruntled. “Come on, it’s for the pageant,” I insistent. “Didn’t you love pageants?”

“It’s just shopping…” she mumbled and ended it with a dramatic sigh, but didn’t argue anymore. 

I went to the kitchen to pack the rest of the muffins and give them to the girls. A while back, I had bought some cute paper boxes that I really didn’t need, but would now prove useful. Plus, they’d make me seem fancy for owning colourful, paper boxes. 

“I hope the boys aren’t giving you too much trouble,” Mellie said, entering my kitchen.

“Nah, why would they?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, smiling, and I wondered if maybe she knew something I didn’t. “They can be a handful sometimes. And so can Sadie.”

“Everything’s fine,” I laughed. “My kitchen needs a little cleaning, but otherwise everything is great. I did have a lot of fun today and I really appreciate the help,” I said, putting the last few muffins in the colourful boxes, and handing them to Mellie. “Sadie was the master baker today.” 

“Oh was she? Wow, and your kitchen is still pretty much intact, that’s surprising.”

I laughed and assured her that Sadie had been a very good student. She deserved to get a little praise, because she was really a genuinely good kid. I could see how proud Mellie was of her, and it made me happy. 

In the end, there were no tears, but it was still a pretty emotional goodbye. Nah, I’m joking, we just hugged and they got into the car and left, after making her dad promise that they’d come back another time. I didn’t really mind, I actually enjoyed their company. They were really nice people that I enjoyed having as friends. And to my surprise, there had been a lot less teasing than I had expected. I guess I had been surrounded by assholes for so long that I kept expecting the worst from people. But Jimmy hadn’t mocked me and didn’t do anything to try and embarrass me in from of his brother, even though by now he probably noticed my crush. 

But the hard part was only starting, I realized a little later, as I was washing the dishes. Without Sadie to act as a distraction, it wasn’t that easy to keep my eyes off of Clyde. Especially since he decided he didn’t need his t-shirt anymore so he just took it off and was now walking in front of my window in all his bare-chested glory. I huffed and finished washing the dishes, keeping my head down and hoping he wouldn't be able to see my blush. 

I kept myself busy with cleaning the kitchen, while the last batch of muffins were in the oven. I kept glancing at Clyde from time to time, because self-control wasn’t really my forte. And to be honest, what else could I have done? There was a really hot, half-naked man constantly moving into my field of vision. I tried keeping my eyes down for the most part, but he was like a magnet.

“You’ll get a sunburn if you don’t put some sunscreen on,” I said, leaning on the counter. The afternoon sun was quite strong, I could feel it burn through the open window. It definitely wasn’t the time to be exposed to it, especially with Clyde’s skin type. 

His head snapped in my direction and I could actually see how his cheeks became gradually redder as realization dawned him. I wondered if he’d forgotten I was even there and could see him. Somehow, he seemed a little too shy to have done it on purpose. 

“It’s ok,” he mumbled. 

“No, it’s not,” I laughed, shaking my head. 

“It’s just too hot… And the t-shirt is wet,” he said averting his gaze, as if he was trying to apologize for being shirtless.

“With that light skin of yours you’ll get the mother of all sunburns in a couple of hours. I’ll try to find something for you.” I didn’t give him the chance to protest and bolted into the living room, looking for some sunscreen.

I knew I had some, I just didn’t know where. Since my life was mostly spend indoors, trapped in the neverending cycle of home-car-work-and home again, I didn’t really have much use for sun protection, besides the one provided by my face moisturizer. But I remembered buying some cosmetics a couple of weeks back and receiving a promotional bottle of sun spray, since summer season was almost here, but I just didn’t remember where I put it. 

I found it eventually, at the bottom of a storage basket in my bathroom. I looked at the bottle and laughed. It was for kids. Well, at least it had high SPF, exactly what Clyde’s fair skin needed. And it smelled really nice, I thought, shoving my nose into the cap. 

“I found it,” I said wiggling the bottle. 

Clyde was sitting in the shade of one of the trees, drinking a glass of water and smiled as I approached. His skin had already become a little pink on his shoulders and I realized I might be a little too late.

“Do you want some help with this?” I asked. I was pretty sure he wasn’t able to reach everywhere, I knew I wasn’t and I didn’t have a prosthetic arm, but I didn’t know how averse he might have been to being touched. As far as I’d noticed, he seemed to keep his distance from people and didn’t seem the touchy-feely kind.

“Ummm…” He seemed to think about it for a moment. “Yes please,” he mumbled, almost inaudibly, looking at the ground. 

“Okay, brace yourself cause it may be cold,” I warned, before generously spraying his shoulders and handing him the bottle, to spray the places he reached. 

“Why is it green?” he asked, running his hand over the lotion and rubbing it between his fingers.

“I don’t know. It’s for kids,” I shrugged, bringing the sunscreen down on his back, leaving a green trace. His skin felt really hot to the touch, and I was fascinated by all the freckles and beauty marks contrasting beautifully on his pale skin. “I guess kids just like colourful stuff.”

“Why do you have sun lotion for kids?” he asked, frowning at the bottle, and handing it back to me. 

“I got it for free. I don’t complain about things I get for free. But don’t worry, the colour disappears after you rub it in,” I said, spraying more on his back. He did have quite an impressive back, it was impossible for me not to notice, and I could feel my cheeks starting to burn. I knew I shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as I did, but to my surprise, he didn’t seem tense or uncomfortable. He had his eyes closed, I noticed when I shifted a little to reach his right arm, and seemed quite relaxed. 

There was something really beautiful about the way his hair fell in waves to his shoulders. His big ears sometimes poked through the curtain of dark hair, like an invitation to kiss them. I smiled, and was thankful that he wasn’t looking at me right now. 

“All done,” I said, once I was satisfied with the amount of sun protection he had on. He blinked a few time, adjusting to the light and thanked me. “Wait no,” I said and sprayed some products on my fingers. “Close your eyes.”

I ran my fingers over his nose, coating his skin in the most unhealthy shade of green someone could come up in a lab. It almost made him look like an alien, his freckles dotting his now green skin. I started laughing so he laughed too, forcing me to grab his chin to make him stop moving around so I wouldn’t get any lotion in his mouth. 

Somehow I didn’t expect him to open his eyes and look at me with such a soft expression, one that made my heart almost break out of my chest. If I hadn’t been blushing already, I was sure I was burning up right now. I tried spreading the lotion on his face, focusing on something else, but it was incredible how flustered a simple look could make me.

But it wasn’t just a look. As I was kneeling in front of him, his hand found its way to the small of my back, pulling me closer. I lost my balance for half a second and my hands went to his shoulders for support. His bare skin felt even hotter than before, but maybe it was just me. He was still looking, his gaze much more intense than before, sucking me in, and I couldn’t look away. I let my fingers brush over his shoulder and then entangle in his hair, something I wanted to do for a long time. 

He pulled me even closer, until our faces were mere inches apart. His lips were slightly parted and his breathing a little more laboured than before. He seemed to be waiting, looking at me with slight uncertainty. But it was his turn to make the next move, I knew and I hoped he did too. I wasn’t gonna force myself onto him, so he had to give me clear signs that he wanted this just as much as I did. 

Eventually, he took a deep breath and moved forward, pressing his lips onto mine. 

“Clyde!”

We both jumped apart, Jimmy’s voice pulling us out of the moment. I cursed him in my head for picking the worst moment possible to need something. I barely even got a taste of his lips.

“Shit,” Clyde muttered, getting up and going to see what his brother wanted. 

I ran my hands over my face, giggling like an idiot. Ok, that happened. He kissed me. My mind was screaming at me and my heart was beating a million times a minute, and I knew I needed to take a few moments to come down from this high. It was like I was a teenager once again, being kissed for the first time, that’s how flustered I was. But it was understandable, I thought. This wasn’t your typical date, where you knew what everyone was there for, trying to see if there was enough chemistry between you to move forward. This was a little childish, a game, two people dancing around each other, unsure what to do. I liked it. It felt alive. 

I got up and decided to go inside, to give us some time to cool down and think about what happened, before that atmosphere became too awkward. I stopped at the bottom of the ladder just in time to hear Jimmy ask Clyde what the hell was on his face. 

“Uhhh… sunscreen,” came his shaky response.

“I’m gonna head back inside,” I said, making Clyde’s head turn to look at me and Jimmy’s pop out of the attic. “I’ll bring you some drinks and snacks later, if you want to take a break. And if you need me, just yell.”

“Alright,” Jimmy said. “What did you do to my brother?”

“What? Green suits him,” I laughed. “Gives him a little hmmm… mermaid? Merman vibe?”

“More like swamp monster,” Jimmy laughed and earned a frown from Clyde. 

“Aww… that’s mean. Anyway, I’ll be inside doing some stuff,” I said, pointing towards the house.

“Don’t let us keep you.” Jimmy’s head retreated into the attic once again, leaving me and Clyde alone once again.

Clyde looked at me from above and I could see he was struggling to say something, but in the end he gave up and just nodded. I went inside and doused my face in cold water. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon doing some chores I had been neglecting. I did my laundry, vacuumed the house and ironed some work clothes. I kept an eye on the boys and regularly brought them cold drinks and snacks, so they wouldn’t shrivel in the heat. I even went up with Jimmy and he explained to me that he replaced the broken tiles and some of the old rafters. It wouldn’t leak anymore, but the whole framework was old and would eventually give in. He even replaced some of the insulation that had been damaged by rain, so mould wouldn’t form. He offered to come and help me repaint the ceiling one day, but I told him it looked cool the way it was. 

The truth was, I kinda wanted to paint the house myself over the holidays. It was a goal I set for myself when I moved in. I wasn’t very handy, but it seemed like something I could pull off on my own. It would give me a sense of accomplishment and it would definitely make the house belong to me.

I finished baking the rest of the muffins and popped the casserole in the oven for dinner. I had used my oven in one day more than I’d ever used it, and it made me feel good about myself. I’d gotten used from my time in New York, where I’d come from work so late that I’d just eat whatever I could get my hands on and then fall asleep, to just skip cooking and resort to what I took to call ‘deconstructed sandwiches’ (basically a piece of bread in one hand and a random piece of protein in the other) for dinner. Maybe it was time to get my shit together and stop living like a cave troll. 

Living with someone would definitely help in that aspect. I allowed myself to imagine for a moment what it would be like to wake up next to Clyde, make him breakfast in the morning, see his sleepy face every day, but then I shook my head, trying to snap out of it. Live in the present, woman, I told myself, before you end up disillusioned. 

It was still pretty hot when they boys finished, although the sun wasn’t burning as badly as earlier. I knew it was going to be one of those nights I’d have to sleep with all the windows open and it would still feel like the depths of hell. Thank you, Global Warming!

I didn’t know when they finished and loaded the remaining materials into the truck, I just suddenly noticed there was no more noise coming from my above me, so I went outside. 

“It has been done,” Jimmy announced in a theatrical voice, closing the door on this truck.

“Already? That was fast.”

“Is that how little confidence you have in me, Baby?”

“Nope, I’m just pleasantly surprised, that’s all,” I said, picking up some spider web from his hair. “You guys should shower, dinner’s ready.” I turned my head to look at Clyde and burst into laughter. “Oh my god, you’re radioactive!”

And he could have been: the skin on his shoulders and back was a bright, angry shade of red. The redness went down to his mid back, and looked insanely painful. At this point, I was sure he’d be glowing in the dark.

“He spends too much time in that dark cave of his,” Jimmy scoffed and I figured he was talking about the Duck Tape. “This is what happens when you don’t see the sun for months at a time.”

Clyde frowned, but didn’t say anything. The skin on his nose and cheeks was also sunburnt, making him look like he was blushing. It wasn’t a bad look on him.

“Go inside and take a shower,” I told him, “I’ll look for some after sun lotion in the meantime.” He nodded and grabbed a change of clothes from the truck. 

Jimmy sat on the porch while I looked for the lotion. After I found it, I grabbed two beers from the fridge and sat next to him. 

“Dinner is ready,” I said, handing him a bottle. “I could set the table on the porch if you’d like.”

“What’s with you and food?” he asked, a little amused. “You kept feeding us today, like you were afraid we’d starve.”

“Well you didn’t let me do anything else, so I had to do something,” I ranted, embarrassed. “I needed to feel like I’m being useful, otherwise I would have probably just hovered around you asking if you needed any help.” I was a bit of a mom friend, I had to admit, and I really wanted everyone to be fed and comfortable, especially when they were at my place.

“It’s better that you didn’t,” he admitted, jokingly. 

“I know, right?” I laughed. “Anyway, we should talk about payment.”

“What payment?” He frowned at me.

“For the materials, and your work.”

“Nah. You don’t have to pay me.”

“Jimmy.”

“Seriously. I fixed a leak in Mellie’s roof earlier this year and most off the materials were extra from that job. You don’t have to pay me anything for something that was just gathering dust in my garage.”

“Well then I’ll pay you for your work,” I insisted.

“Do you ever take no for an answer?” he asked, scratching his forehead.

“Rarely.” 

“Told you, you don’t have to pay me. You cooked for us, entertained my daughter and saved me from the wasps, you’ve repaid me enough. Seriously, you don’t have to,” he laughed, but I still opened my mouth to protest. “You can repay my brother if you want to,” he cut me off before I could say anything, so I shut my mouth before something stupid came out of it. “I’m gonna let you figure out how,” he added with a wink.

I took a swig of beer, hoping to hide my blush behind the bottle. “Okay,” I mumbled.

“He’s a good kid, you know,” he said, looking away, like the conversation was taking on a more personal tone and he wasn’t really comfortable with that. “He’s just not that good with people. And ever since he came back from Iraq, he just…” 

I placed a hand on his shoulder in what I hoped would be a reassuring gesture. “It’s okay,” I said. I wasn’t really good at comforting people, so I really didn’t know what else to say.

“I just want him to be happy, that’s all.”

“Me too,” I said, flashing him an encouraging smile, which was probably a little rusty since I’d spent the best part of the past ten years frowning. He smiled back and turned his head to look at the door.

“Well, the swamp demon has emerged,” Jimmy announced, as a wet Clyde was joining us on the porch, a towel still on his shoulders. “My turn to abuse the shower,” he said, quickly getting up.

“Be my guest,” I said, getting up to fetch the lotion. 

A clean t-shirt was hiding most of the sun damage, but as far as I could see, his skin looked even redder thanks to the shower. The redness on his cheeks still made him look like he was blushing and with his still damp hair brushing his shoulders he looked a little like a wet puppy.

“Take off your shirt,” I said, unscrewing the cap. “It’s after sun lotion,” I explained,“it will calm the burn considerably and it will make your skin much feel better.”

“No, it’s alright,” he mumbled. “It doesn't hurt.”

“Yet,” I said, giving him a look. “I get it that you wanna be manly and real men don’t use lotions, but trust me, you’re gonna regret it if you don’t listen to me. It’s gonna hurt like hell and keep you up all night.”

“Alright,” he gave in, and it looked like his perpetual blush became a little deeper as he took his t-shirt off. 

“Here we go,” I said, squirting a considerable quantity of product in the palm of my hand. 

I started applying it as gently as I could, knowing that even if his skin hadn’t started hurting yet, there would still be a considerable amount of discomfort. He hissed when my fingers made contact and I jumped slightly. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, retracting my hands. “I didn’t think…”

“Two,” I heard him chuckle and suddenly I didn’t feel sorry anymore.

“Oh, so that’s how it is?” I said, realizing that he did it just to get an apology out of me. “Well I can play dirty too.” I said as menacingly as I could while also stifling a laughter. I placed my hands on his shoulders, massaging roughly. If he wanted to pretend to be in pain, then maybe he should experience some. He didn’t even wince. I guess he had a lot more self control that I thought. So I had to bring out the big guns. 

I grabbed him by the sensitive skin right above his elbow, and pinched. Clyde sucked in a deep breath, but still kept silent. I wasn’t about to give up so I pinched harder. And harder. 

“Okay, okay it hurts,” he blurted out, trying to get his arm out of my grasp.

“Magic word?” 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry,” he mumbled. 

“Three!” I laughed and let go of his skin, vigorously massaging the sore spot. He groaned, but I really didn’t care. “Have you learned you lesson, Mister Logan?”

“Yes?” he said looking at me over his shoulder, but the tiny grin that was just forming in the corner of his mouth told me otherwise. So that’s how he wanted to play. Okay, I could do it too. Just wait and see. 

I poured more lotion into the palm of my hand and started gently massaging his shoulders, like it had been the plan before he decided to trick me into apologizing. He sat in silence and let me pamper him, and I had to admit I was taking a little longer than strictly necessary. He smelled like pomegranate from the lotion and my favourite shampoo, and I really wanted slither my arms around his torso, rest my head on his shoulder and nuzzle into his hair. I wondered if he’d mind. After all, he just kissed me a few hours back.

My fingers absentmindedly brushed along his side, and I could feel him shying away from my touch.

“Are you ticklish?” I asked, moving around so I could better reach his chest. 

“A little, yeah,” he smiled. 

“Hmm… good to know,” I tried to appear mischievous, but he didn’t really take me seriously until I started wiggling my fingers closer and closer to his skin. He laughed nervously and kept moving, trying to get away from me, but I persisted until he grabbed one of my hands, pulling it away from his skin. My heart skipped a beat.

“Please don’t,” he said, still laughing.

I looked away, hoping that he wouldn’t notice the blush that I knew was starting to form on my face. He still hadn’t let go of my hand. “I won’t, but only if you stop fidgeting,” I said, poking a finger in the open lotion bottle, trying to get more product on. Having another free hand to pour the lotion would have been useful, but I realized that I’d gladly give up the use of one hand if he was the one holding it. 

“Close your eyes,” I warned him before leaving a trail of lotion on his nose and gently spreading it out. His face relaxed and went back to his usual somber expression. He didn’t look sad, I noticed. That was just his resting face. However I missed that playful smile in the corner of his mouth. I wondered, if I kissed him, would that make him smile?

One moment of hesitation on my part and the moment was gone, interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening and closing. I quickly got up and started screwing the cap back onto the bottle, keeping a safe distance from Clyde. I didn’t want Jimmy to get any ideas and start teasing us, something I knew neither Clyde nor I would like. 

Clyde looked sad. He looked at his hand like the sudden absence of mine left an empty spot. I didn’t want him to feel like rejected in any way, and I definitely didn’t want him to think that I was somehow ashamed or didn’t want his brother to see us together. It’s just that… fuck it, I thought, took a step closer to him and kissed his cheek, then turned around and entered the kitchen without looking back.

“I’m gonna plate everything,” I said loud enough for everyone to hear, “but if you guys wanna eat on the porch, I’m gonna need someone to carry the table outside.” The taste of sun lotion lingered on my lips, a bit bitter and not tasting at all like the pomegranate scent it had. 

“I’ll do it!” I heard Jimmy yell from the living room. “How did you manage to short-circuit my brother?” he asked, entering the kitchen and starting to fold the table.

“I did nothing,” I said, throwing him a quick smile over my shoulder. “I’m innocent.” I didn’t sound innocent, but oh well. 

“Yeah, sure.”

“It must be the heat,” I suggested, but I was still smiling. 

“Oh, it’s heat alright!” he laughed, grabbing the table and taking it outside.

We moved everything to the porch and ate outside. It was lively and fun, and I realized how much I’d missed spending time with friends. I felt tired, but tired in a good way and I knew I would fall asleep instantly that night.

Clyde and I kept exchanging glances when we thought Jimmy wasn’t looking. And he usually wasn’t, too preoccupied with his beer or the stories he was telling. Sometimes it gave me the impression that he was doing it on purpose like he was trying to give us a little space. Any time there was something that we needed from the kitchen, he wouldn’t let me get up and get it.

After dinner I packed them a few of the remaining muffins in those cute little boxes. I packed another extra box for Sadie too, and Jimmy promised he’d pay her a visit the next day before lunch to ‘deliver the goods’.

“There are mostly blueberry in yours,” I told Clyde as I has handing him the box. “The others are some of my favourite.”

“Thank you,” he said, and looked genuinely thankful. 

“And the lotion bottle. This will be your friend for the next few days,” I said, giving him the bottle of lotion . “Remember to keep the skin hydrated and don’t scratch once it starts itching.”

“Thanks,” he said, reluctantly taking it. And then once again he looked like he wanted to say something else, but didn't know how. I just smiled and waved as the truck took off. 

The house felt empty after they left. It was suddenly much too quiet, so I turned on the tv as I finished washing the dishes from tonight’s dinner. It was still early and enough adrenaline was running through my veins so I knew—contrary to my initial belief—that I wouldn’t be able to sleep anytime soon, so I decided to pamper myself and take a long ass bath, with scented candles and bath bombs. Without wine, cause I wasn’t that fancy. I just soaked for a while until I was sure I’d relaxed enough to go to bed. It wasn’t very easy. Everytime I closed my eyes I felt Clyde’s lips on my own and a new wave a of giddiness took over me. 

I regretted not being bolder. I should have just grabbed him by the t-shirt and—or by something else when he didn’t have a t-shirt—and drag him somewhere where no one could see us and let him kiss me until I’d turn blue from the lack of air. But I wasn’t that brave, and neither was he. 

I eventually emerged from the bath, but not before turning into a wrinkled raisin. I changed into my pajamas and got into bed, turning off the lights, only to notice my phone’s screen light up with a notification. 

‘You were right,’ said Clyde’s message. ‘It hurts.’

I couldn’t help but laugh. I knew it was wrong laughing at someone else’s misfortune, but a part of me was glad that I was right and another was happy that he’d messaged me. 

‘More lotion. And consider taking some painkillers,’ I texted back. 

‘Nah. It’s not that bad,’ he replied after a few moments. ‘You should go to sleep.’

‘I’m working on it,’ I said, checking the time. It was pretty late, but not that late that I would regret it in the morning, especially since I knew I could sleep in. I assumed he was also pretty used to staying up late.

‘Night,’ said his next message.

I was tempted to try and find something to keep the conversation going, but I decided that we both needed rest. Clyde more than me, the memory of his sleepy face in the morning making me giggle. 

“Good night, Clyde,” I replied. Tomorrow was another day. And thanks to his sunburnt shoulders I had a reason to check on him. ‘Sleep well.’

‘You too.’

I snuggled next to Clyde the Bear and fell asleep with the phone in my hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed the story so far. These three chapters have been mostly written and posted to Tumblr, so I only had to rearrange them a bit and upload them. But there isn't much else written so it may take a while until I can post the next chapter. I am asking you to be patient with me, because I am a really slow writer. Thank you again for reading and liking. 
> 
> As always, if you get bored you can find me on tumblr @joeybelle


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Me again. It's been a while. Thanks a lot for the kudos and the bookmarks and really, for reading. It makes me very happy knowing that you enjoy my story. Feel free comment too or message me on tumblr @joeybelle. 
> 
> NSFW content below, rating gone up for this chapter. 
> 
> Also, a million thanks to my bff and Beta, Llexeh, without whom this chapter would not have been finished, ever. Thanks a lot for listening to my endless complaining and not blocking me. You're the MVP.

The messages didn’t stop after that night. It was never a long conversation, usually we’d stick to a couple of messages at a time, but after a while they got more frequent. I have to admit that at first I’d find any excuse to keep the conversation going, asking questions about this or that in our town or just telling him a funny thing that I saw at work. He always replied. Maybe not instantly, but he never left me on read. And he started doing the same, sending me random texts throughout the day, so I started to eagerly expect the notifications.

Once he sent me a really out of focus picture of a butterfly that he said looked just like the ones I’d painted on my old mailbox. I told him it did, although I could hardly tell it was a butterfly in that picture and to be honest I didn’t remember what the ones on my mailbox looked like. But he seemed to remember, so he either had a better memory than me, or he’d been so traumatized by the whole experience that it was scared in his brain. Still, it made me feel good to know he thought about me.

Another time, when I woke up in the morning I saw a text he sent me at 3am telling me that it’d started raining and I should probably take an umbrella to work. It was little things like this that made me really happy.

I also went down to his bar a few times, because we agreed to repay the drinks we owed each other. The ‘buy’ part of the deal ended up being a little tricky, since he refused to let me pay for any of them, and the shots usually added up to more than what I had to repay, but I wasn’t gonna complain about that. Instead, I just enjoyed his company until it was time to close. Mellie and Jimmy joined us one night and we all stayed way past closing time, just telling stories and having fun. They were all such nice people and I was glad to be able to call them my friends. I felt we’d gotten a lot closer over the past couple of weeks. 

However, the kiss was never brought up, and a tiny part of me feared that it might have just been a one-off. Maybe it was the heat, staying for so long in the sun might make you take some rash decisions. But we also didn’t have any opportunity to spend time alone since then, so it might have been just that the timing was wrong. I tried to get him to walk me home one night after we’d been drinking for a while, and he seemed eager to do it, but then something happened at the bar and he had to stay back and fix it. Luck didn’t seem to be on my side.

So we didn’t really get to spend time alone until the day of the storm. 

It had been announced all over the news that a big storm was coming our way. The scientists didn’t really agree, some saying that it would die down as it progressed towards us, some that it would hit us full force, with potentially disastrous consequences. So of course, everyone panicked. For two days before the storm was supposed to strike the whole town went completely mental: they attacked the stores like a bunch of trolls waiting for the apocalypse, filled their tanks with gas, loaded their weapons, built barricades and all that. For those couple of days it took me twice as long to get to and from work, and all my patience and self restraint not to kill anyone in the overcrowded stores. 

I actually felt relieved when the day of the storm actually came and everyone barricaded themselves inside their homes leaving the town empty. It looked a bit like we were waiting for the world to end, with stores closed, shutters secured, streets empty and an ominous cloud front looming over the town, but at least it was peaceful.

The storm started in the evening. It was just thunder and wind for a few hours, but the combined noise was so loud that I ended up sleeping on the living room couch with the TV turned on, hoping that it would cover the noise a little. It didn’t help much, sometimes the thunder was so loud that I could feel the vibration in my chest and the windows rattle, but I eventually managed to fall asleep. 

I woke up when the rain started, a furious rapping on the roof. I was disoriented for a moment, in complete darkness and in an unfamiliar place. It took me some time to remember why I was in the living room, and why it was so dark. The power was down, and not just my house, it seemed. There was no light coming from any of the other houses or the streetlights, so the rain seemed to swallow everything. 

I hadn’t prepared much for this storm, I realized. Just some bottles of water, something to eat that didn’t require cooking and a bunch of scented candles (because if I really had to buy candles why not buy the scented kind, at least they would smell nice and I would keep using them), and charged my powerbank. If the roof gave in or the house got flooded, I was completely unprepared. I sighed and turned on the cell phone flashlight.

I studied the ceiling in every room, but there was no sign of moisture. Yet, at least. If my roof survived this storm, I promised myself I’d cook Jimmy a four course meal, and even share some of my expensive vodka with him. Not too much, the rest was still waiting for Clyde. 

I tentatively opened the front door and peeked outside. The rain was pouring, but the wind had calmed down considerably. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad, I hoped as I closed the door and moved to the kitchen to grab a candle. 

It was almost morning when I fell asleep again. Luckily, the college was also closed because of the storm, so I knew I could afford to sleep in. I woke up again around noon, still a bit disoriented. The power hadn’t come back on, but the rain had mostly stopped. I looked out the window. My garden and the street were full of leaves and tiny branches, but it seemed like the town had survived the storm. 

I spent the next few hours waiting for the power to come back on, but I was out of luck. When I started to get hungry, and it became clear that I’d have to eat only cold cuts for the rest of the day, I started to wonder why the power wouldn’t come back on. I grabbed an umbrella and headed outside to ambush the nearest neighbour. To my surprise, they had power. It must be my wiring system or the fuses, they said, and I trudged back to my house, disgruntled. 

I turned on my phone flashlight and descended into the deep, dark abyss that was currently my basement to check on the electrical panel. To nobody’s surprise, the fuses were fried. I facepalmed, because my dad had told me repeatedly to go and buy some spares, but the detour to the electrical store was enough to make me delay it indefinitely. And now I was fucked, because I had been too lazy to drive 15 minutes more to buy some fucking fuses. 

I plopped onto the couch, groaning like a dying animal and laid there in misery for a few minutes. Then I pulled out my phone, took a deep breath and dialed Clyde’s number.

“Hi Clyde, sorry to bother you,” I blurted, anxiously biting my lip.

“You’re not bothering me,” he replied, so blunt and honest that it made me smile.

“How did you survive the storm?” 

“We’re good. Nothing happened. How about your house?”

“Well about that,” I laughed nervously. “The house is fine, but I think the lightning blew my fuses and I don’t really have any spares. Do you think you may have any fuses lying around somewhere?” I crossed my fingers and prayed to at least seven different gods.

He was silent for a few moments, like he was thinking. “I don’t know,” he replied. “I’ll have to ask my brother and call you back.”

“Thank you, Clyde.” I sighed. “I really appreciate your help.” 

I knew there wasn’t much hope, but I anxiously waited with the phone in my hand nonetheless. As the minutes passed, I was starting to lose all remaining hope. If the Logans had no fuses, I was doomed. All the stores were closed for the day and I really didn’t want to knock on all my neighbours’ doors to try and find some. I would have to live without power, like my ancestors before me and their ancestors before them. Unfortunately for me, I was way too dependant on electricity: my fridge worked on electricity, my stove and oven were both electrical, the water heating system as well. I couldn’t even take a long bath surrounded by my new scented candles, unless I liked soaking in cold water. 

Eventually, the phone vibrated in my hand, breaking my panicked train of thought. ‘I found fuses,’ the message said. ‘I’m coming over.’

I jumped off the couch and started skipping through the living room. I was so happy I felt I could tackle him the moment he entered the house and kiss him until he turned blue from lack of air. Well, I could do that on any occasion, but this time the sentiment was a little more acute. 

It didn’t take long until he arrived, pulling his car in my driveway.

“Who angered the bear?” I asked, pointing at the pronounced frown on his face.

“No one, it’s nothing,” he said, almost through gritted teeth as I let him in. His whole demeanor screamed ‘tense’, so I took a few steps back.

“Okay,” I said, feeling my heart sink. I really didn’t expect him to be in such a bad mood. I couldn’t remember ever seeing him like this. “Listen, I’m sorry for calling, I really didn’t wanna inconvenience you in any way. You could have just said that you were busy, I would have understood.”

“What?” He looked at me, confused like he didn’t know where I was coming from. “ No! It’s just…” He put the box of fuses down on the kitchen table and huffed. “I just argued with my brother this morning, that’s all. No need to worry about it.” He gave me a tentative smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes, hell it didn’t even reach his nose, so of course I worried.

“Is it about me somehow, cause…”

“No, no…” He took a deep breath and looked at the floor. “I asked Jimmy this morning to come fix this. He insisted that I could do it, but I told him that if it’s more than just a blown fuse I won’t be able to. Not with only one arm.” There was a clear look of frustration on his face when he looked at his prosthetic arm. I wasn’t completely sure, but I thought he whispered ‘useless’, before looking away.

“Hey, listen to me,” I said, keeping my voice low and cupping his cheek, making him look at me. “If it’s more than just a blown fuse I wouldn’t let you or Jimmy or anyone else without a license touch it anyway. I won’t die without power until tomorrow, when I can call an electrician, so please don’t worry about that. It means the world to me that you came all the way here to try and help me with this, really.” He nodded, still pouting, still a little grumpy and I laughed. “Come on, let’s see if we can bring back the light in this house. If not, we’ll just get drunk and complain about it.”

He grabbed the fuses, I turned on the flashlight and we commenced our descent in the dark hole of my basement. This is how horror movies start, I thought as I stepped behind Clyde, lighting the stairs.

“Be careful,” I warned, “there’s a missing step.” There was a not so subtle irony in me saying that exactly as my foot slipped and I fell forward, colliding face first into Clyde’s back with a yelp. 

“Are you okay?” came Clyde’s concerned voice from the other side of the back. 

“Yeah. I think I found the missing step,” I said, tentatively searching with my foot for the other step, before I even thought to let go of his t-shirt. “I’m sorry if your back now has an imprint of my face in it.”

He laughed. “Four,” he counted, and I whined. 

“It was a joke!”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, sounding pretty smug. “Hold onto me, please.”

I did as he said and grabbed onto his shoulder. With him acting as my support I managed not to fall anymore, and we both reached the bottom of the stairs in one piece.

The basement was eerie on a good day, and only lit by my flashlight it was downright creepy. I never liked that place, ever since I was a kid, so I took advantage of Clyde’s presence to huddle closer to him. He didn’t seem bothered by the darkness or the creepiness of the place, or by me latching onto his arm for that matter. 

“Yep, they’re fried,” he said once we reached the electrical panel. “It must have been quite the power surge.”

“I don’t know, I was sleeping,” I admitted, looking over his shoulder. “I hope it didn’t do a huge damage.”

“We’ll see,” he said, taking out the old fuses and putting the new ones in place. “Are you ready to test it?”

“Should I be scared?” I laughed, but there was a hint of nervousness in my voice. Electricity isn’t a joke and I didn’t really wanna see what it would feel like to be electrocuted.

“No,” he chuckled. “But you can still take a step back.”

“That’s very reassuring.”

He flipped a few switches and fortunately, nothing exploded. I could hear the TV turning on, the music channel blaring at a hellish volume. Oh gods, did I really sleep with it that loud? 

“Success!” I yelled and Clyde laughed at me as I stumbled to find the light switch. Now that I had power once again, it felt like I had travelled back to the 21st Century, back to civilization. And all thanks to Clyde. “Thank you,” I said, latching onto his neck, enveloping him into an unexpected hug. He had to bow down a little so I wouldn’t dangle from his neck, but he put a hand on my back, awkwardly returning my hug. I immediately became aware of his scent and of the way my boobs touched his chest. Fuck, this wasn’t good. “Let’s get out of here,” I said, my voice surprisingly high pitched, instantly detaching myself from his neck. 

My house seemed much more welcoming now that the appliances were working. Once again it felt like a home, and not a cave in the middle of nowhere where I happened to find shelter. I turned off the TV and the lights that I’d forgotten I had on.

“I was thinking about cooking something,” I said, making my way to the kitchen. “Would you like to stay for whatever this will be, late lunch, early dinner? It’s not gonna be anything fancy, but I’d like you to join me. If you’ve got nothing else better to do, of course,” I trailed off, but I closed my mouth before I started making up excuses. You invited him to stay, now own up to that shit, no buts.

“I should go by the bar and see if nothing happened last night,” he said, looking mildly annoyed that he had to. 

“Oh. That’s ok,” I said, a bit disappointed. “But you know, you could always come back,” I offered. He looked at me with such a surprised and hopeful look in his eyes, like this possibility never really occurred to him. “I mean, it’s not that far away, and dinner will be ready by the time you’re back,” I said with a smile. 

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll… ummm I’ll be back, then.”

“Don’t take too long though, otherwise I’ll eat everything without you!”

He laughed. “Should I bring anything from the bar?” he asked, and it was such a domestic question that it hit me right in the ovaries. 

“Grab a few beers of you want. I have vodka, but that’s about it,” I said, checking the fridge.

“Alright,” he said, and stood awkwardly by the door. “I won’t be long.”

“I’ll be waiting.” I stood in the doorway, smiling at him as he backed the car up and left. I felt like a housewife seeing her husband off to work. I laughed and went back inside to cook him dinner, like the good wife I was becoming. 

I must admit, if it was just me having dinner that day I would have just cooked the simplest thing that I could put together with the things in my fridge, but I put a little more effort in just for Clyde. It wasn’t exactly Michelin star cooking, but it was my mother’s trusted recipe that I knew everyone loved. Sometimes, the simplest things are the the best, if you put enough love into them. I wasn’t really sure about the love, but I sure as hell put a lot of paprika in it.

Clyde sent me a text while I was cooking telling me he’d be a little late, so I had time to take a quick shower and tidy the place a bit. There was so little furniture in my house that cleaning was a breeze. At first I wanted to set the big table in the dining area, but in the end I decided against it. For just the two of us, it was a lot cozier to eat in the kitchen. 

It was already getting darker when Clyde arrived, although I was sure it couldn't be that late. Maybe I’d lost track of time. 

“Sorry for taking this long,” he apologized as he handed me a six pack.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just a broken window. I’ve checked all the others, and made sure that everything is secured,” he said. “Hopefully, they’ll survive tonight too.”

“You think that it might hit us again?”

“It’s quite possible,” he said, looking out the window, trying to get a glimpse of the sky. “It’s gotten pretty dark all of a sudden.”

I couldn’t see the sky clearly, but I assumed by the gloomy atmosphere he was right. I wasn’t looking forward to another night spent worrying if my roof was going to survive, but I tried to not think too hard about it. I was going to enjoy dinner with Clyde and worry afterwards. I threw one last glance at the vegetation that was already billowing in the wind, turned on the lights to brighten up the room, and set the table. 

Clyde seemed to really like my food. He said it was something his grandma used to cook and hadn’t eaten in years. It made me incredibly happy knowing that he liked my cooking, and I was already trying to find ways to get him to eat my food again. 

“It’s my mom’s recipe,” I explained. “I can’t make it quite like she does, somehow whenever she cooks it it’s always better.”

“I think your cooking is better,” he blurted, quickly looking into his plate.

“Buttering up the cook is a great tactic if you want seconds and also another portion to go,” I laughed. “Thank you for the compliment, but you haven’t tasted my mother’s cooking yet. You can tell me afterwards if you still like my food better.”

“Well, I did eat your mom’s food. It was a long time ago, though.”

“Really?” I asked genuinely surprised. “When?”

“When we built your mailbox. She didn’t wanna let us leave before she fed us.”

“It means she really liked you,” I said, to Clyde’s pretty visible surprise. “She never invited anyone that she didn’t like inside the house, let alone feed them.” I was starting to regret not being home that summer, it would have been fun getting to know the Logan brothers. Maybe we would have been friends, and who knows, my teenage years might have been much different. “When my mom comes visit I’ll organize a cook off and you’re invited to act as a judge. I really hope you’ll be impartial, but I won’t mind if you favour me in exchange for muffins.”

He laughed. “I’ll do my best.”

“Anyway, I’m gonna help myself to another serving, do you want some more?”

“Yes, please.”

By the time we finished eating, the wind had picked up speed considerably and it was almost dark. I hadn’t looked out the window until the crack of thunder made me almost jump through the roof. 

“Are you scared of thunder?” Clyde asked, as I got up to look outside. 

“No, just a bit jumpy. Any loud noise startles me if I don’t expect it,” I said, a bit embarrassed. “I think you were right, we may be getting storm part two.”

“It may seem so,” he said, joining me in looking out the window. Another lightning split the sky, followed by the roaring of the thunder. The lights flickered, so I turned off the ones in the kitchen. This way we could see what was going on outside better. 

“Doesn’t it bother you?” I asked, leaning on the counter next to Clyde. 

“What?”

“Lightning and thunder? I’ve heard it reminds people of war and explosions and… stuff,” I trailed off, feeling increasingly stupid for assuming things, but I needed to know what to expect.

“No, it doesn’t bother me,” he said, matter of factly.

“I’m sorry for bringing it up, and for assuming things.” 

“It’s ok. People are different,” he said, and his tone was low and reassuring, no ounce of annoyance or judgement in his voice. He was a really nice person and I was so glad I’d met him. Remembering the circumstances in which we met made me resent my old friends even more. How could they be that shit so such a good man?

Another thunder broke my train of thought and I jumped once again, hitting my knee on a cabinet handle. “It’s ok, I’m gonna be jumpy enough for the both of us,” I mumbled, rubbing the sore spot. 

There was a roaring sound in the distance that I thought was just the wind at first, but got louder and louder with every passing second. “What’s that?” I asked, but I got the answer to my question almost instantly, as rain started hitting the roof.

It didn’t start gradually, like I had come to expect, instead it was like the sky suddenly opened and all the rain poured down at once. I couldn’t see much out the window anymore, so I opened the front door and was met with a sudden gust of wind and rain. 

“You can’t see six feet ahead,” I almost yelled to make myself heard over the noise, the door barely opened. I knew I couldn’t let Clyde drive in this weather and I felt really guilty for making him stay for dinner. “I’m sorry, Clyde, but I can’t let you go back home in this weather. You’ll have to stay here a little longer.”

Clyde smiled. “If you keep apologizing you’ll soon have to buy me another bar.”

“Oh, shush,” I said, waving my hand and feigning annoyance. “I’m nowhere close.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“Well, I have some really expensive vodka, would that be an acceptable way to repay my debt?” I smiled, making my way to the kitchen. He nodded and followed me. “How many?” I asked, taking out the bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. 

“Five.”

“So, four shots?”

“Five shots.”

“No! You’re lying,”

“I’m not lying,” he laughed. “Why would I lie?”

“I don’t know,” I said pouring vodka into the glasses and handing him one. “I think you just want this bottle to be empty already so I’ll stop bragging about it,” I laughed. “Or you want to get me drunk enough to actually think I can sing. Cheers!”

While I downed the drink, trying to taste it as little as possible, Clyde actually took his time. I had been joking when I said that I wanted an appraisal, but he seemed to be taking his role as a judge very seriously. 

“So, how is it?” I asked, once his glass was finally empty.

“Overpriced. But not bad.”

“Yeah, kinda figured that would be the case. But as I said, it was free and that’s its best quality.” 

I poured another round and downed it before I could think too much. It wasn’t the right moment to get drunk with a storm raging outside, but a tiny bit of alcohol would help calm my nerves a little. 

“Do you think the rain will let up anytime soon?” I said, looking out the window. I couldn’t see much even if I tried really hard. 

“Probably not,” he said with a frown on his face. “It could be raining like this the whole night so I should probably get going.” 

“What? No! I’m not letting you drive in this weather, what if you have an accident?” I said crossing my arms, really close to actually stomping my foot. “You’re staying here until it is safe to go home again.”

“What if it doesn’t stop raining all night?”

“Then you’ll sleep here. Does it bother you?” I asked, biting my cheek. I hadn’t considered that he might be uncomfortable sleeping at my place, and now I was feeling double as guilty for making him stay for dinner. 

“No, no! I really don’t mind, it’s just…”

“Do you think Jimmy will worry if you’re not home tonight?”

“No,” he said so deadpan that I couldn’t help but laugh. Well Jimmy did send him here and knowing him I was pretty sure he wouldn’t care if he spent the night. 

“I’m not sure if you’ll fit on the couch, though, but we’ll figure something out. My bed’s pretty big, I’m sure we could both fit,” I said and winked. Damn you, vodka, and your tongue loosening properties. 

Clyde opened his mouth to say something, his cheeks already starting to burn, but his voice was covered by the loudest thunder I had ever heard. It sounded like it hit really close, and for a fraction of a second I thought my house was being ripped apart. I yelped, and nearly knocked over the vodka bottle from the counter. The house went dark.

I didn’t expect Clyde to suddenly pull me into an embrace, but I welcomed it wholeheartedly. My heart was beating a million times a minute, trying to break out of my chest, and his embrace was reassuring. I pressed my cheek to his chest, sighing deeply, his hand gently running through my hair as I tried to get my breathing under control. I closed my eyes and melted into his embrace.

“Are you alright?” he spoke after a few moments of silence, nuzzling into my hair. I felt his warm lips brush against my forehead, and I sighed, content.

“Yeah,” I whispered against his t-shirt. I was a lot calmer now, but I didn’t want him to let go just yet. In fact, if he could hold me like that forever, it would be perfect. 

“Lightning must have struck pretty close.” His chest vibrated pleasantly as he spoke. His warmth was delightful and I found myself wishing there were less clothes between me and him, so that I could just run my hands over his chest, kiss every beauty mark on his skin. 

But the light still wasn’t coming back on. “My fuses!” I whined. 

I felt him chuckle. “I don’t think it’s just your house this time.” He shifted a little to look out the window, but didn’t let go of me. “The power must be down in the whole area.”

“How can you make anything out in that rain?” I squinted but I couldn’t see a thing. “I guess I’ll have to use the candles anyway. My trip to the 21st century has been pretty short lived. Welcome back to the Dark Ages,” I mumbled.

I reluctantly pried myself from his embrace, feeling around for the candles I knew I had left somewhere in the kitchen earlier that day. He seemed even more reluctant to let go, holding onto my hand as I fumbled in the dark. In the end I managed to find the candles and light them up. A warm glow followed by the scent of essential oils filled the room, and suddenly the atmosphere wasn’t as gloomy anymore.

“It’s not bad,” I said, placing a couple of candles on the kitchen table, and another couple on the counter, trying to light the room evenly. Our shadows danced on the walls and the rain was making for a pleasant soundtrack. “It’s kinda romantic in a way. Storms and candlelight, they work well together, don’t you think?” 

I looked up to see Clyde’s reflection in the window as he took a step towards me, the intensity of his gaze as he checked me out leaving me unable to move. Another step and he pinned me to the counter, his hips pressing into my ass. My heart skipped a beat. His much larger frame seemed to envelop me and I was once again surrounded by the warmth of his body as he bent down to place a soft kiss behind my ear. A shiver ran down my spine and I closed my eyes, pressing myself closer to him.

“Please stop me if I’m doing something you don’t want,” he breathed against my skin, his voice low and gruff.

I nodded in acknowledgement and shifted a little to expose more of my neck to him. Goosebumps formed all over my body as his lips placed one kiss after another, each a little bolder than the one before. My body reacted to even the lightest touch, his smell intoxicating and arousing. I gasped as his teeth grazed my skin, a bite too light to leave a mark but enough to set my nerves on fire. 

I pushed him back and turned around so I could grab him by the collar and pull him into a proper kiss. It was rough and needy, and it was so much better than I had ever imagined. The difference in height forced him to bent into an awkward position, even if I tiptoed, but I hung onto his neck nonetheless. 

“I should have worn heels,” I joked and chuckled against his lips.

He broke the kiss and looked around for a moment, then slipped his arm under my ass and lifted me in the air. I squealed and held onto his shoulders, giggling. “Is this better?” he laughed, placing me on the counter.

“Yeah,” I said, shifting a little closer to the edge and crossing my legs around his waist, making sure he was exactly where I wanted him. 

I combed my fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face. Damn, this man was so beautiful, I thought as he looked at me with a sort of awe in his eyes, his lips slightly parted and waiting. I smiled and gently pressed my lips onto his, not wanting to rush and allowing myself to savour his kiss for the first time. 

He tasted like expensive vodka. His lips were incredibly soft and warm and maybe a little greedy as he tried deepening the kiss almost immediately. It didn’t take much to convince me to give in and allow him to explore my mouth, after all this is what I’d wanted for quite some time. I still found it a little hard to believe that it was actually happening. Maybe I’d wake up in the morning and it would have been all just a dream.

But now wasn’t the time to think, as Clyde’s hand had found its way under my top, going up my ribs and cupping my breast over the fabric of my bra. I sucked in a sharp breath and bit his lip, which only prompted him to squeeze a little harder. I should have worn a nicer bra, I realized. Luckily, it was pretty dark and I didn’t think it would have mattered anyway, not with Clyde being so impatient in his attempts to take of my top that he jabbed me in the ribs with his prosthetic hand. I winced and he froze. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered and tried to take a step back, but my legs were still locked around his waist and held him in place. 

“It’s okay.” I smiled and took his plastic hand, holding it closer to me, hoping he’d understand that it didn’t bother me. It was the first time I had actually touched it, he usually made sure to stand in such a way that his hand was furthest away from me, and I respected that and tried to draw as little attention as possible to his disability, but this time I really didn’t want him to feel self-conscious. I didn’t want him to hold back. I wanted him fully and just the way he was. 

I pulled him back into a kiss to which he eagerly responded at first, so I was a little surprised when he broke the kiss and looked down. He seemed tense all of a sudden. 

“Umm… Would you like me to take it off?” he asked, his voice a little shaky. 

My eyes darted to his prosthesis and then back to his face. He looked serious and a little sad, or that’s what I could make out in the poor light. “Whatever makes you more comfortable,” I said, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, making him look at me. “I’m okay either way.”

He nodded, a frown still present on his face. “I’d like… I’d like to take it off, then.” He sounded hesitant, like it was more of a question than a statement, like he was still looking for my approval. 

I smiled encouragingly and pecked him on the lips. “Okay.”

I let go of his hips and he moved a little to the side, placing his prosthetic arm on the counter next to me. He unclasped the strap that went around his bicep and carefully took it off. The whole process seemed incredibly intimate and I felt like he was placing a lot of trust in me, opening up in ways he hadn’t done before. Soon clothes would come off and we’d have the chance to explore the most intimate parts of each other’s bodies, but this was a different type of intimacy. He was letting his guard down in front of me.

My breath caught in my throat once his arm was revealed. His hand and half of his forearm were missing. The crude-looking scar seemed old and healed, but it still looked painful as hell and my heart ached just imagining how much it must have hurt and how long it took to heal. 

I had to admit it was a little strange looking at his arm and not seeing a hand at the end of it, but it wasn’t something I couldn’t get used to, and it certainly didn’t take away from his beauty. I looked up to see Clyde studying me with the same stern look on his face, like he was waiting to see my reaction—like he was afraid of my reaction. 

“Does it hurt?” I asked, because I had been really curious about it for some time, but it never felt like the right time to bring up the subject. 

“Sometimes.” 

“Does it hurt now?” I asked a little panicked and a smile broke the severe look on his face. 

“No, it doesn’t.” 

“Okay, that’s good,” I babbled. I looked at him silently asking for permission and brushed my fingers along the side of his forearm. There was a lot of scar tissue, the texture a little different from normal skin, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It also felt warmer somehow. Clyde shivered under my touch. “Is it sensitive?” I asked, letting my fingers trace upwards, over the well defined muscles in his arm.

“More or less,” he answered, his voice a little strained. 

I smiled and brought my hands to his shoulders, moving him back between my legs, and placing a long and slow kiss on his lips. His arms went around my back, pulling me closer to him, for the first time that evening holding me with both. 

And speaking of strained, I can tell you what else was strained: the fabric of his jeans. I smiled when I noticed his erection and rolled my hips just enough to put a little pressure on his crotch and make him moan into the kiss. The kisses soon became more erratic, more impatient. We were both a little out of sync, a bit too greedy to even try and make everything perfect, each of us wanting to take as much of the other as we could. His hand went under my top once again and I entangled my fingers in his hair, pulling and tugging when he started kissing down my neck, leaving tiny bite marks on my skin. 

He was trying to press himself between my legs and I shifted as much as possible to allow it without falling off the counter, but the position we were in was starting to get a little uncomfortable and I really ached to explore more of his body without clothes getting in the way. 

“Shall we move to my bedroom?” I asked, breathing heavily, still holding onto his shoulders like my life depended on it. “Before one of use ends up with their ass on the stove?”

He lifted me off the counter and kissed me again before putting me down. I was starting to get used to him lifting me in the air, and to my surprise I kinda liked it. 

“Let me blow out the candles before we go, so I don’t set the house on fire.” 

The storm was still raging outside, but I wasn’t scared or anxious anymore. I didn’t even notice it until I was in my bedroom, lighting the other candles. It could take my roof for all I cared, as long as Clyde was here with me it didn’t matter. Hell, it could take my whole house and I’d be okay with it. Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore and I don’t really give a fuck. I smiled to myself and looked up to Clyde, who was standing very awkwardly in the middle of my bedroom. I lit the last candle and placed it on a nightstand.

“All we need are some rose petals,” I said, getting up, “and we’d have the textbook setting for a cheesy romance love scene.” 

“I like the candles.” The golden light was covering everything in a soft glow, making my bedroom look a lot nicer than it actually was. I might have been joking about cheesy romances, but I actually didn’t mind the setting. It made everything feel a little more special.

“Yeah, me too.”

He was a lot less awkward once I pulled him towards my bed and started kissing him again. There was a lot of fumbling with the clothes as both of us wanted to get out of them as quickly as possible. There was no gentle disrobing, just tugging and pulling and unclasping, and sloppy kisses on more exposed skin. When I struggled with my bra clasp, Clyde brushed my hands away an opened it in one simple move, his mouth never leaving my neck. I was impressed for about half a second, until his lips closed around my nipple, and my mind went blank. 

He let me unbuckle his jeans, sighing in relief as I freed his cock. He hastily shoved them off, nearly tripping in the process, and I eagerly slipped my hand into his boxers once he was back on the bed with me. He moaned as I took him in my hand, kissing roughly down my neck. I gave him a few tentative strokes and he bucked his hips against my hand, unsatisfied with the slow and teasing motion of my hand. I smiled and pushed him down on his back, straddling his hips. 

He was insanely beautiful, lying beneath me with his hair splayed on my pillow, lips damp and reddened by all the kissing. The low light was accentuating every ridge and dip in his muscles making it look like he was perfectly carved out of marble. His hand caressed the side of my thigh squeezing gently when I rolled my hips against him, pressing my still clothed pussy onto his cock. 

The way he looked at me, with a sort of hunger in his eyes made me feel like I was on fire. Every spot he touched felt like burning, and I wanted nothing more that to be completely and unquestionably fucked by him. 

He took my hand and pulled me into a kiss. I let my fingers travel down his chest, delicately brushing against his skin. My lips followed, kissing down his jaw, sucking a mark on his collarbone, kissing a scar I found on his chest and the soft skin on his abdomen. He lifted his hips when I pulled onto the waistband of his boxers allowing me to pull them down his thighs. 

He was pretty well endowed, I had to admit. I kinda expected him to at least be proportional, since everything about Clyde was big, but he seemed to have exceeded my expectations. I realized that it could end up being a problem in the very near future—after all, I haven’t been with anyone for quite some time—but there was a bottle of lube in the top drawer of my nightstand, and there’s nothing that can’t be achieved with a little perseverance and a lot of lube. 

I looked up at Clyde as I took him into my hand once again. He was following my every move, so I kept my eyes fixed on him as I licked the underside of his cock, feeling him twitch in my hand. The prolonged moan that escaped his lips resonated through my body, making me more eager to actually feel him inside me. He closed his eyes when I licked the tip, tasting his precum, so I dipped my head and took him into my mouth. 

I wasn’t able to take him all, I didn’t even try. I just stuck to what I was comfortable with, trying to make up for the lack of depth with my hand and the flicking of my tongue. Clyde didn’t seem to mind, his breathing becoming more shallow with every swipe of my tongue. Although he sometimes involuntarily bucked his hips, trying to get deeper, he mostly let me take control. 

I couldn’t blame him for trying. I too was aching for release, my own hand between my thighs rubbing circles through the fabric of my underwear offering me much too little stimulation. I needed more. 

“I have to let you know,” I said between ragged breaths, wiping away a trickle of saliva from my chin, “that it’s been a while for me.” I was a bit embarrassed to admit this, but he had to know what to expect. 

“For me too,” he uttered. 

“Do you have any condoms?”

“Fuck!” he lifted his head and looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Oh,” I said, and I must have sounded really dejected because he frowned. “I don’t have any either, cause wasn't really expecting this to happen… but I guess we could work around this.” It was a minor inconvenience at best, but it was an annoying one. I wanted to feel him inside me, to have him hold me as he fucked me senseless, but I guessed we could work around it and find release through other means that didn’t require a condom.

“I have some in my car,” he said all of a sudden and I blinked a few times in surprise. “Jimmy made me take them this morning… he insisted, I…” he mumbled, getting off the bed and pulling up his boxers, and even in the poor light I knew he was blushing. 

Alright, so Jimmy had a hand in this. At least now I knew why he insisted Clyde come alone. “Is that why you argued this morning?” I asked, a smile creeping on my lips. “Cause he forced you to take a box of condoms with you?”

“Yep,” he said, turning around and heading for the door. 

“Well he was right,” I giggled, following him out the room. “Wait, you don’t intend to actually go and get them?”

“I sure do.”

“But there’s a storm outside!” I protested.

“It’s just rain.”

He didn’t seem to stop, his steps long and determined. I ran into the bedroom to grab my phone to light the way, and by the time I was back he was already looking out the open front door. I had forgotten just how loud and violent the storm outside actually was. Tiny droplets of water carried inside by the wind were hitting my burning skin and made me shiver, so I hid behind Clyde’s larger frame, pressing myself to his back, leeching off his warmth. 

“You don’t seriously want to go out there?” I asked, peeking around him and through the open door. 

“It’s just rain,” he repeated, but I could see that he wasn’t thrilled to go outside either. I opened my mouth to protest, and make him understand that there are other things we could do, that would be just as pleasant, but he turned around and looked at me with that stubborn expression of his and the words died down in my throat. He cupped my cheek and kissed me lightly on the lips, then stepped out in the rain. 

He was a fully grown man, built like a refrigerator, with a mane of dark hair, currently only dressed in a pair of boxers and sporting a raging erection, and he just stepped out in the middle of the season’s worst storm, barefoot, to get a pack of condoms from his car so he could properly fuck me. That was the exact moment I realized I was in love with him. 

I was holding my phone close to my chest, flashlight still on, and I kept glancing at the clock. It felt like an eternity until I saw his outline emerging from the dark, but in reality it had been only a few minutes. 

He was completely drenched, water dripping from the tip of his nose and the ends of his beard, droplets running down his chest and falling in a small puddle on the floor. His hair stuck to his head and his ears were a lot more prominent now that they weren’t hidden by his locks. He was breathing heavily, but he had a satisfied smile on his face as he lifted his hand to show me the box of condoms. I burst into laughter and went in for a kiss. He took me in his arms, drenching me too in the process, but I was too happy to care. 

“Let’s get you a towel,” I said, placing one last kiss on his lips before heading to my bedroom.

I took out the biggest and fluffiest towel I could find and motioned for Clyde to sit down on the bed, so I could dry him off. 

“I’ll just get water on the sheets,” he said, keeping a safe distance from it, as if it could absorb moisture through the air if he stood too close. 

“I don’t care,” I said as sweetly as possible, flinging the towel over my shoulder and taking a few steps towards Clyde, until I was right in front of him. A thrill of excitement ran through my body as he fixed his gaze on me, the intensity of his brown eyes making my skin fire up once again. I was terribly aware of my nakedness, dressed in only my underwear so I slipped my fingers under the waistband of his boxers and pulled them off letting them fall to the ground with a wet splat. 

“Bed,” I said, and he didn’t protest this time. 

He obediently sat on the bed and I wrapped him in the towel, letting it fall around his shoulders like a cloak. He started kissing down my abdomen while I tried patting his hair dry. I got a bit distracted as his hand traveled up my thigh and grabbed my ass, kneading my flesh under his fingers. I hissed as he touched the wet spot on my underwear and I tangled my fingers through his hair, directing his mouth to my breasts, completely forgetting about the towel. No one cared anyway. 

He held me in his arms and gently placed me on the bed, on my back. The mattress made a really distressed noise as Clyde got on top of me, his weight on his knees as his mouth went to my nipples, sucking and grazing his teeth over the sensitive skin. I was already a mess in his hands so I whimpered when he shifted my underwear a little to brush his fingers over my inner lips. I was so starved for direct contact that I immediately raised my hips to meet his touch. He smiled and tentatively placed a finger in me, and I bit the back of my hand to hold back a moan. 

He quickly became impatient, his touches more hasty and erratic, as he slid his fingers in and out of me, the palm of his hand applying a much needed pressure to my clit. My panties were starting to become uncomfortable, rubbing against my skin in some places, so I decided to take them off, but before I could do anything, Clyde lifted my hips, grabbed the waistband between his teeth and slipped them off. 

Now I could lie and say that I never dreamt of a man ripping my underwear off with his teeth, but what would be the point? I was now completely naked in front of him, blushing furiously while he just looked at me for a few long seconds before kneeling on the floor and pulling me to the edge of the bed. He kissed down my inner thigh and I was almost shaking in anticipation, wanting him to taste me, to feel me. And when he did I stopped thinking or worrying, letting myself enjoy the feeling of his tongue on my skin, his fingers deep inside me. 

I knew it wouldn’t take long to get me over the edge, not with how aroused I already was, but I decided to be selfish and ask for the whole package. I wanted Clyde to fuck me, I wanted him to fuck me like today was our last day on Earth and no matter how good his fingers felt in me or how electric every flick of his tongue felt on my clit, I just wanted him to pin me to the bed and fuck me until the bed gave out under us. After all, he’d gone out in the fucking storm to get those condoms especially for this, better make the best of it.

I grabbed a handful of his hair and tugged slightly. When he looked at me, the sight of his beautiful face between my legs almost making me cum on the spot, but he seemed to understand what I wanted because he started feeling around for the pack of condoms. He took one out of the box, and I was completely hypnotised by the casual way in which he ripped the wrapper with his teeth. He held the condom between his lips as he pulled it out and put it on with only one hand.

“I say that from now on men should only be allowed to handle condoms with one hand,” I said, placing a foot on his shoulder. He smiled shyly and kissed the hollow of my foot, making me giggle. “Oh, stop wasting time, Clyde! Come here and fuck me already!” I said, wiggling my fingers in his direction. 

He laughed and pulled me closer to the edge of the bed, guiding my legs around his waist before pinning me down. His knees were still on the floor, supporting most of his weight. I figured there would be some sort of logistics problems, with his missing hand and all, but he seemed to handle it pretty well.   
His lips were on mine in no time and I realized that I had missed his kisses, even for the brief period he was focused on other parts of my body. I had missed the way he looked at me between kisses and the way he always came back for more. I missed the way his shoulders felt under my fingers and the way his body seemed to envelop mine in its warmth.

“Do you know how long I’ve been wanting this?” I said, brushing a strand of hair away from his face. 

He laughed and looked away for a second, placing a wet kiss on my collarbone. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this?” he whispered against my skin. A shiver ran down my spine imaginning how long he’d been pinning after me. Somehow it felt good knowing he had at some point lusted after me, even if it had been a long time ago. 

“So then what are you waiting for?” I laughed, shifting my hips so I’d be applying a little more pressure on his rock hard cock. 

He entered me slowly, kissing me the whole time, holding me close to his chest like I was something fragile and precious. Given the impatience he’d shown before I assumed he’d be a lot rougher, but he took his time and patiently waited for me to adjust. Maybe a bit too patiently, since I had buck my hips against him and moan in his ear to get him to pick up the pace. But once he did, there was no way I could stifle my moans. 

It was a wild ride. I held onto his shoulders, my face buried in his hair while he drove into me, the force of his thrusts making the mattress squeak underneath us. Our bodies, hot and sweaty, gilded against each other, making lewd, carnal sounds that blended with my loud moans. Clyde was mostly silent, transfixed by his own pleasure. His panting and occasional grunts were enough for me to know he was enjoying this as much as I did. I pulled him into a kiss as he started pumping into me even faster than before, snaking his hand under my ass, angling my hips so that he could reach even further, the force almost knocking the air out of me.

I came with a shudder, arching my back and clawing at his skin, waves of pleasure washing over me. Clyde stopped for a moment, allowing me to ride my own orgasm, softly kissing my face, before starting to move again. I was so spent from just cumming, that the only thing I could do was cling to him and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. He came shortly after, his whole body tensing up, pulling me flush against him. With a long, deep sigh of relief he relaxed, collapsing on top of me. 

“Hi,” I said, smiling once he opened his eyes to look at me, his breathing still as laboured as mine.

“Hi,” he croaked, pecking the corner of my mouth. 

I lazily brushed my fingers through his damp hair and smiled. He lay on top of me for a few more minutes, nuzzled against my shoulder, and I was starting to feel like I could just fall asleep like that. Eventually, he got up to throw the condom. He wobbled a little and I couldn’t help but giggle, prompting him to look at me.

“You’re really cute,” I said, my voice sounding weary. He smiled and avoided my gaze, and if he weren’t already flushed I was pretty sure he’d blush. “Can you please blow out those candles, so we don’t se the house on fire?” I asked, lazily getting up and going around the bed to take care of the ones on the other nightstand. My whole body felt heavy and the only thing I wanted to do was to fall asleep in his arms. I kept the last candle lit until he would get into bed, but instead he just followed me, hugging me from behind, and placing a few brief kisses on my shoulder. 

I giggled and blew the last candle, both crawling under the sheets and settling into an embrace, my head on his chest. The wind was still raging outside, the rain falling in angry gusts but I felt myself dozing off despite the noise.

“Did you really have a crush on me in highschool?” I asked, my words already a little slurred.

“Yeah,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head. “A huge crush.”

“I guess you were pretty disappointed to see current me,” I smiled, sadly, drawing circles on his chest with the tips of my fingers.

“What?” he asked, and I could feel him tensing under me. 

“I mean I’m not… I’m not the way I used to be. I mean you fell for a happy go lucky popular girl. Now I’m a bit pathetic and not as charming and a bit weird.” I laughed nervously, regretting to have opened my mouth. 

“I really like the way you are now,” he said, lifting my chin and kissing me on the lips. “I liked you since the first time you came to my bar.”

My stomach contracted painfully thinking about that encounter. I was still feeling guilty about the way I behaved that day. 

“Then why didn’t you wanna go on a date with me then?”

He went silent, and I thought he wouldn’t reply. I had almost fallen asleep before he spoke again. 

“I was afraid you’d realize you’d made a mistake and then just ditch me after one date. I just didn’t wanna get my hopes up, that’s all.” His voice sounded strained and sad. “It’s happened too many times already.”

I propped myself onto one elbow and looked at him, but it was too dark to make anything out. “Why would you think I’d do that?”

“Because I’m… me?”

I snorted and took his face into my hands, kissing him deeply. “Well, Clyde Logan, I’m really glad you’re you, because you’re amazing and I like you a lot,” I laughed and kissed him some more. 

The kisses were slow and lazy and unrushed and eventually I nestled back into his chest, and fell asleep in Clyde’s strong arms.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo we've arrived to the last chapter. There will be a short epilogue after this one, so the story isn't quite over, but we're pretty close. Thank you all for taking the time to read and give me some feedback. This story wouldn't have reached this point without you all. Feel free to leave me comments even 50 years from now, I'll still come back from the dead and reply to them. I love long comments, short comments, <3 and emojis as extra kudos, anything works really. 
> 
> A million extra thanks to my BFF and Beta Llexeh, without whom this fic would have never been published.
> 
> Thank you all, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. XOXO

A very persistent ray of light woke me up at the crack of dawn. At first, I was a bit confused as to why I was pinned down, unable to move, but as my eyes adjusted to the light I saw Clyde’s sleeping figure splayed across my bed, trapping me under him. 

I smiled and brushed a few strands of hair away from his sleeping face. He was breathing evenly, the tiniest snore escaping his parted lips. He was still hugging me, his head on my shoulder, holding me close to his chest. I was hot and sweaty, swaddled too tightly in the sheets, with Clyde’s body radiating heat like a furnace on top of me. He was heavy and I really, really needed to pee, but refused to move and wake him up. 

I closed my eyes and tangled my fingers through his hair, stroking it absentmindedly. I was mildly uncomfortable, but content. I was really happy that he had finally gathered the courage to make a move, and what a move it had been. I could thank the vodka for that, or the storm, or my mother’s magical recipe, either way we had finally given in to our urges and I was ecstatic. 

I must have fallen asleep once again, because the ringing of my cell phone brought me back to reality with a jolt. I scrambled out of Clyde’s embrace, trying to get to the phone as fast as possible. I nearly tripped on Clyde the Bear (who had spent the night on the floor because his place had been taken by Clyde the Human), but eventually reached the demonic device, stopping the blaring sound. 

“Hello?” I croaked into the phone, hurrying to the bathroom, trying not to wake Clyde up in the process. He was stirring in his sleep, covering his eyes with his forearm, so I knew it was probably too late. 

It was the school secretary, calling to inform me that due to some water damage, the college would be closed for the rest of the week for repairs. I thanked her, but wished she’d have just sent a text or an email, because I really planned on sleeping in. Work was the least of my worries right now. 

There was still no power, I noticed as I washed my face and brushed my teeth with freezing cold water. I’d probably have to shower in cold water too, but for now I just washed the crucial parts, hoping that I’d be able to take a proper shower later that day. Freezing, I wrapped myself in a fluffy bathing robe and crawled back into bed next to Clyde. 

He was only half awake, looking at me with unfocused eyes. He snaked an arm around my waist and pulled me closer, kissing my forehead. 

“Good morning,” I said, nestling back against his chest. He mumbled something unintelligible in reply, but it sounded like a greeting to me. “There still isn’t any power,” I let him know, although he seemed more interested in nuzzling against my hair than anything that was happening outside the bed. “So if it doesn’t come back soon, we’ll have to shower with cold water,” I gave him the bad news. 

His eyes were closed and his breathing steady, so for a moment I thought he’d fallen back asleep. “‘S okay,” he mumbled against my hair. “We have a generator, we can shower back at my place,” he said, yawning. 

I hadn’t really thought of that alternative. Of course they would be more prepared for anything than I was, but I hadn’t even considered the possibility of going to his place. A shiver ran down my spine thinking about it. It was silly to feel anxious; after all, I wasn’t going to be formally introduced to his family or anything and as far as I knew Jimmy seemed to encourage the relationship, but it still made me somewhat nervous.

I shifted a little and craned my neck to look at him. “Do you think that would be okay?” I asked, biting my lip.

“Mhm,” he mumbled, placing a soft kiss on my lips. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, settling back into his arms, basking in the comfort of his embrace and wishing I could worry less about minor issues.

It only took a few moments for Clyde to fall asleep again, but unfortunately I was wide awake. Even so, I laid still in his arms thankful that he was there, holding me close. It had been such a long time since I’d been with someone that I had almost forgotten how good it felt to just stand still for a moment, enjoying the present. Most things come to an end, unfortunately, so you have to learn to enjoy the good ones while they last.

And my time with Clyde was definitely something I wanted to enjoy, whether it was going to be a long lasting relationship or just a one night stand. Inviting me to go to his house meant that he wasn’t going to get dressed and bolt out the door the moment he got up, and that he wanted to spend more time with me. He hadn’t seemed the type to get up and leave and never call again, but my brain had decided that early in the morning was the best time to overthink. Either way, last night had been blissfully satisfying even if we wouldn’t end up together in the end. 

The phone started ringing once again, resounding unpleasantly in the mostly empty room. I mumbled profanities and wiggled out of Clyde’s embrace once again, cursing myself for not turning it off the last time it rang. I wondered who would be calling so early in the morning. Work was already settled, I was certain they wouldn’t call again. Maybe my mom had heard about the storm and was calling to check up on me, but since they were visiting some old friends in Europe, it was highly unlikely. They’d just spend all day taking walks, eating cheese and sipping wine, not giving a fuck about what was going on in the US. Could it be that Jimmy had panicked thinking that I’d eaten his brother alive during the night? He didn’t have a cell phone, though. 

Surprise! It was Maggie. My good old friend Maggie.

“Hiii Baby!” she screeched in my ear, her voice way too high pitched to be pleasant at that hour. “I didn’t wake you up, did I? Your voice sounds a little rough.”

“No! No,” I said, getting the feeling that it would have been a better idea to just lie and pretend to be asleep. “I was just gonna make some coffee.”

“Oh great! Cause I brought you some cookies,” she giggled and my face fell in utter confusion. 

“What?” 

“I was checking up on your next door neighbour, you know, that cute old lady that used to give us apple pie whenever she baked, do you remember her?” I hardly managed to mumble a ‘yeah’ before she continued her tirade. “Well, she’s really old now so Jake and I are checking up on her from time to time, the poor lady doesn’t have any kids. Anyway, I was checking up on her to see how she had pulled through the storm, and I thought to drop by your place and bring you some cookies. I know that you’ve been busy lately and we didn’t get to catch up last time we met ‘cause you left so early so, please accept this as a peace offering? And also, open the door? Please?”

I swear to god, this woman didn’t need to breathe. It took me a few moments so realize that she was in front of my door, so I told her to hold on while I scrambled for something to get dressed in. Luckily, Clyde was still sleeping, so I was hoping I would be able to send her away before he woke up. I really didn’t want to think about what she’d say if she found Clyde walking around my living room. I wasn’t ready for that argument just yet. I knew I’d have to let her know about the relationship sooner or later, but for now I wanted him all to myself. 

I opened the door and was greeted with the most enthusiasm I had ever experienced in one single hug. 

“You know there’s still a hole in the fence between you and your neighbour? The same one we used to sneak out through?” she said, pushing a box of homemade cookies in my hands. “Yeah, I didn’t even have to go round the corner, I just came through the fence. Your house is okay, right?” she asked letting herself in and looking around the living room. 

“I guess,” I mumbled, crossing my arms, feeling like she was a little too much for me to handle without any coffee in my system. “I didn’t check everywhere.”

“I guess it’s alright then. Your house is pretty sturdy. You know, when Jake and I built our house five years ago…” and I stopped listening, following her around as she told me a story I wasn’t really interested in. 

I eventually guided her to the kitchen, hoping that we hadn't woken Clyde up with all the chatter. He didn’t get that many days off, as far as I knew, so I wanted him to get some well needed rest. Also, I wanted to crawl back into bed next to him and spend the rest of the morning without pants, doing absolutely nothing productive. 

I set up the coffeemaker and turned it on, waiting anxiously for the liquid to start dripping in the pot. Maggie was still talking. I wondered if she’d noticed that I wasn’t really listening, or giving a fuck about what she was telling me. Probably. She may have been a little ditzy, but she wasn’t stupid. I was feeling bad for treating her like that, but after the horrendous meeting in the bar, I needed a little time to think about our relationship. Ambushing me early in the morning with cookies wasn’t a great way to deal with this situation, but that was Maggie. 

It took me about two minutes to notice that I still had no power, so there was no way I was getting any coffee. I rubbed my eyes, feeling increasingly miserable. Cold brewing would take a few hours at least and I didn’t have any instant coffee. The day was getting better and better. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, interrupting her. “You’ll have to excuse me, there’s a power outage and I’ve got no way of making coffee. Is soda okay?”

“Anything is fine, really,” she assured me with a wave of hand. “A tree has fallen on the power lines down the road,” she helpfully let me know. “It may take a while before they fix it.”

Oh great. This meant no shower, no coffee, no hot breakfast. I really wished she’d leave so I could go back to sleep until the power came back on. “But they’re fixing it, right?” I asked taking two soda cans from the non-functioning fridge. 

“Yeah, but it may take some time. Is that a plastic arm on your counter?” she asked, making the blood freeze in my veins. I turned slowly and looked at it. It was still on the counter where Clyde had left it last night in the heat of our makeout session. I had no idea how I could forget about it, but even if I hadn’t, there was still no way I could have subtly hidden it. This was going to get awkward fast.

“Yeah,” I said, straightening my back and taking a deep breath, expecting the worst. 

“Is it Clyde Logan’s arm?” she asked, a nervous smile forming on her lips. 

“Yeah,” I replied, maybe a little snappier than intended.

“What’s…” she laughed, “what’s it doing on your counter?”

“He left it there.” There was no point in lying, not that I could put up a believable lie in such a short time anyway. “He spent the night. He’s still sleeping,” I added to clear the blatant look of confusion in her eyes. 

“Oh,” was the only thing she said, looking around a little startled, like she’d just woken up in a strange place. “I didn’t know you were into _that_ ,” she said, pointing with a perfectly manicured finger at the prosthesis, the confusion on her face morphing into a mocking smile. “You’ve come with some weird fetishes from New York.”

I felt my blood starting to boil. “I’m not _into that_ ,” I said, mocking her tone, trying really hard not to start yelling. “I’m really into him, and if he comes with a prosthetic arm it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s just one tiny part of him and I like the whole person.” My tone must have been pretty harsh despite my efforts, because I saw her smile falter, and her whole demeanor become apologetic. 

“Oh, come on, Baby,” she said, and her voice was suddenly sweet, no trace of that mocking smile anywhere on her pretty face. “It was just a joke, you don’t have to take everything so seriously.”

“I don’t like it when you joke about him like that,” I said, my voice still keeping its severe edge. “Neither you or Jake or anyone else for that matter.” I knew I could have been way more delicate in handling this situation, trying to salvage the friendship I had with her, but in the end I didn’t care. If she wanted to still be friends she had to follow my rules, and one of those was: do not mock the people I care about. And I really cared a fucking lot about Clyde. 

Maggie seemed to scramble to find her words, taken aback by my outburst. She looked around like she was trying to find an escape route. “Oh, hi Clyde,” she suddenly said, making my head snap in the direction of the door. 

Clyde was standing in the doorway, looking like a bear that had just been woken up from hibernation, dressed in the same jeans and t-shirt he had been wearing last night. I didn’t know how long he had been standing there, but I really hoped he hadn’t heard out argument. But by the frown on his face he must have heard at least a part of it. 

“I see you’re busy this morning,” Maggie said, getting up and heading for the door, for the first time seeming to understand that she wasn’t wanted here.

“Kinda,” I mumbled, following her. “It’s just not the best time right now. Thank you for the cookies, though,” I said, forcing my face into a fake smile, for the sake of appearances. 

“So that’s how it is?” she muttered, and I could see the hurt in her eyes. I chose to ignore it, even though my heart ached knowing that I had to finally accept that this friendship was dead. It wasn’t easy after all those years spent together. “Don’t worry about it, I like baking and as I said, I was in the area.” She quickly gathered her stuff, mirroring my fake smile perfectly. “Oh, and Clyde,” she said as she passed him, and I wanted to be able to stuff my fist in her mouth before she had the opportunity to open it again, “take good care of my girl here.” She pat his shoulder in fake familiarity, but I could see how her face twisted into that mean sneer once again. “You know she’s way too good for you, right?”

If it weren’t for Clyde’s hand on my shoulder I would have snapped right then and there and it would have ended up in a fistfight. But I looked up at him and I only saw a worried expression on his face, no anger, no hurt, as if he’d already been expecting her words. I decided it wouldn’t be worth the cops and having to get Clyde to bail me out of jail on the second day of whatever this relationship would end up being. I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself, and leaned into his chest, his hand protectively going around my shoulders. 

“Don’t be such a cow, Maggie.”

She laughed, but I could once again see the hurt in her eyes. “And what if I am?”

“Then I wish you all the best,” I said, with another forced smile. My blood was still boiling. “I hope that one day you’ll be find happiness and peace, so you don’t have to hurt others to feel better about yourself.” 

I was a bitch. I knew exactly where to hit to make it hurt. But I wasn’t gonna let anyone come into my house and insult my man and leave like nothing ever happened. 

“Same to you,” she said, before stepping out the front door. The sun was shining brightly that morning, covering everything in a warm glow. I could see tears in Maggie’s eyes when she turned to look at me one last time. 

“Oh, I’m good,” I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking. She waved at us and she was gone. 

I closed the door and collapsed into Clyde’s open arms, pressing my face into his t-shirt. His smell was already familiar and comforting. I made an effort to not break down into sobs. Yeah, she was a bitch, but she had been my friend for so many years. And to be honest, I didn’t think she did it out of malice, I just think she was scared of the new, of the unknown. She’d lived all her life between perfectly drawn lines, and everything that deviated from that was bad. I was weird in her eyes for leaving, maybe even weirder for coming back and not being the same person that left. And the weird scared her. Maybe one day, when she’d learn to be more accepting of the world around her we could be friends once again. 

“You know,” he finally spoke, “she’ll tell everyone about me. About us.” I looked up at him. He seemed a little worried, his body rigid and his face strained. 

“Does it bother you? If people know about us?” I asked, swallowing the newly formed lump in my throat. 

“No! No, of course not,” he said, pulling me closer to his chest and I breathed a sigh of relief. “Does it bother you?” he asked in a small voice betraying his insecurity.

“Nope. Absolutely not,” I vehemently denied. “But it kinda pisses me off that she’ll be the one that will tell everyone and she’ll make it sound like it’s a super secret thing she’d uncovered and she’ll tell you but ‘don’t tell anyone else’, cause that’s the best way to start rumours. If I had the money, I’d write it on a banner and hire a blimp to fly around town making sure everyone knows before she gets to tell them. There’s nothing that would piss her off more. Nothing!” I huffed, annoyance growing once again and looked up to see Clyde laughing. There was no sign of the insecurity I saw earlier and I smiled, relieved. “Don’t laugh at me, Clyde Logan. I need my coffee,” I mumbled into his t-shirt. 

“Let’s get you some coffee then.”

I wasn’t feeling great, but a kiss from Clyde made me feel a little better. This wasn’t really how I’d planned spending the morning with him, but I could find some solace in the realization that it could have been much worse. I frowned at the still dead coffee maker as Clyde reattached his prosthetic arm. 

“I can’t make coffee,” I said, hugging him from behind and resting my head on his back. “Or breakfast. Or anything that requires electricity, because guess what: the power still hasn’t come back on and may not do so for a while. Maggie said there’s a tree down the road that has fallen on the power lines.”

“That’s something that happens often. Especially during storms like the one we had last night,” he said in his totally serious, matter-of-fact way of speaking. I laughed and let go of him.

“Well then, cold cuts and soda it is,” I replied in an over dramatic way.

“We could always go to my place,” he offered while fiddling with the clasp on his prosthesis. He seemed really shy about it, avoiding my gaze and playing with something as he spoke. “I can make eggs and bacon, and coffee. And you can shower in peace ‘cause Jimmy’s gonna be checking up on Sadie and I don’t think he’s gonna be back before noon.” 

He finally looked up and met my gaze. He seemed really hopeful and maybe a little scared of what my answer would be. Truth be told, I was going to refuse, because I had a pathological fear of inconveniencing people and a martyr complex on top, but I didn’t really want to crush his hopes. Why would I, in the end? So I smiled and nodded. 

“Okay. I’m just gonna have to grab a few things. Toiletries and a change of clothes,” I said, pointing towards the bathroom. His whole face lit up in the cutest smile I’d ever seen. Yeah, my morning had suddenly gotten a lot better. 

I gathered all my stuff in a bag and got properly dressed, while Clyde washed his face and brushed his teeth. He was a bit reluctant to just ‘waste’ one of my spare toothbrushes, but I convinced him it’s not wasted if he’d spend the night at my place from time to time so he’d use it. He smiled and blushed and hid in the bathroom while I was getting dressed. 

Before we left I took Clyde the Bear from where I’d thrown him on the floor in the heat of the moment the night before, dusted him a little and placed him back on the bed. I had a feeling he wasn’t very pleased with how I’d treated him, but I was convinced he understood the circumstances, and he’d forgive me for sleeping on the floor. I’d make sure to move him to the living room couch next time. 

“Do you really sleep with it?” Clyde asked, emerging from the bathroom looking a lot more alive than five minutes before. 

“Yeah. Look how cute he is,” I said, squishing its cheeks. “He reminds me of you. You’re both big and cuddly. You’re a bit cuddlier, though.” 

Clyde smiled and grabbed my bag, and in a couple of minutes we were out the door. 

It was a beautiful morning, the sun shining brilliantly on a perfectly clear sky. If it weren’t for the scattered leaves and broken branches that were littering the ground, you’d never think there had been a storm that night. 

We got into the car and pulled out of the driveway. The street was just as full of debris as my garden, and at the intersection there was indeed a team cutting down a huge tree that had fallen on the power lines. It was a bit sad. It was a tree that had always been there, huge and majestic ever since I could remember, watching over us as we walked to school. Now it just lay there, a pile of broken wood and scattered branches, covering half the street and somebody’s front yard. 

“I’m afraid they won’t be able to fix this today,” I said, looking out the window as we passed it. 

“You can sleep at my place if you’d like,” he said, looking straight ahead. “Until they fix the power lines. Also after that, if you want to. You are always welcome in my house.” He nodded to himself and shut his mouth, pressing his lips together as if to stop himself from rambling.

I looked at him with great fondness and giggled. “Sure,” I said and his head snapped in my direction like he hadn’t expected me to actually say yes. “If there’s still no power when I come back, we’ll see. I’d have to pack some clothes.”

“I won’t mind if you don’t,” he said and I burst into laughter.

“Of course not. But them you’d have to lend me some of yours.”

“Don’t mind that either.”

“I’d drown in them.”

“They’d look good on you.”

I snorted and went back to looking out the window. Everywhere in town you could see the aftermath of the storm: broken branches, debris on the road, tiles that had fallen from the roofs and shattered on the pavement. I could see broken windows and signs that had been ripped off shops. It was quite depressing, but people had already gone out and started fixing the damage.

“You know,” Clyde said all of a sudden, making me look at him, “you shouldn’t have argued with your friend… because of me.” He didn’t seem very comfortable speaking about this, the frown on his face and the rigid posture making me think he was forcing himself to speak. 

“We would have argued anyway, sooner or later. We’re just too different right now to be able to stay friends.” I pressed my forehead to the window and focused on the scenery outside. It was still an open wound and it still hurt talking about it. “Maybe one day, if she realizes how shit she’s been, we could be friends once again. But that won’t happen anytime soon, because she’s too afraid of change and of doing anything that her husband would even slightly disapprove of.” I could feel myself getting angry once again, so I made an effort to calm down. “If she started thinking for herself and stopped echoing Jake’s beliefs for five minutes, I know she’d really like you.”

Clyde threw me a quick glance. “I doubt it.”

“I don’t. I’ve known her even before she had anyone to impress or anything to prove and I know that if she unironically liked me for all those years, she’d like you a lot.”

He somehow looked even sadder despite my reassurance, and I was wondering what landmine I had stepped on now. 

“All the more reason not to argue with her.”

“I don’t like her very much right now,” I mumbled. My heart ached, but it was the truth. My eyes started to fill with tears but I was able to fight them off for now. I’d have time to cry another time. “I won’t waste my time on people that make me uncomfortable.” I looked at Clyde once I was sure I didn’t look like bursting into tears and he still didn’t look convinced of what I was saying. I signed, and decided that now was as good a time as any. I could feel my cheeks start to burn, but blurted it out before I had time to start overthinking. “But I like you very much.”

The car swerved a little, but Clyde regained control before anything happened. He’d turned beet red and was throwing me quick glances while I smiled like an idiot. Maybe it wasn’t the best moment, if I didn’t want us to die. 

“I like you a lot too,” he eventually said once he regained enough composure to speak clearly. 

“Great,” I said, smiling. “Now please stop worrying about other people, okay?”

“Okay,” he said and tried to take my hand, before remembering that he couldn’t drive and hold my hand at the same time.

“Hand on the steering wheel, eyes on the road, Logan,” I laughed, scooting closer to him and lacing my arm around his elbow. He managed to turn even redder in embarrassment, so I lifted the sleeve of his t-shirt and placed a kiss on his shoulder. 

The rest of the drive was spent in comfortable silence, my hand still holding onto his elbow. His and Jimmy’s house was further away from the town center, so we passed through some unpopulated areas before arriving. 

“It’s just a trailer,” he explained, when we got out of the car. “But you know, it’s ours and it’s home.”

“It’s really nice,” I said looking around. No neighbours, just vegetation all around. Paradise. “Seems peaceful.”

“It is,” he said, letting us in. “Unless the bears come at night. Or raccoons. It’s mostly raccoons lately, though.” I looked at him wide-eyed, but didn’t say anything. I had forgotten that there were animals larger than rats and roaches here, but I wasn’t living in New York anymore.

The house looked really cozy and it was a lot cleaner than I had expected a house inhabited by two single guys to be. Everything was small and functional and was so different from my big, spacious but almost unfurnished house. There was a couch in the living room with a small table in front of it, and an old fashioned shelf full of books, and I could peek into a tiny kitchen.

“It’s lovely,” I said, smiling, to Clyde’s embarrassment. 

“It’s… small.” He placed a hand on the small of my back, guiding me towards one of the bedrooms. 

“Maybe for you, cause you’re huge. For me it would be perfect. Less to clean.”

He laughed. “This is my bedroom,” he explained opening a door, “and here is the bathroom. It looks like we have power,” he said, after flipping a switch and seeing the bulb light up. “You can take a shower and I’ll make coffee in the meantime.”

“Sounds great,” I said, throwing all my stuff on his bed.

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” He took a few uncertain steps towards the kitchen, looking a little awkward even in his own house. He seemed to be debating whether or not to leave me alone and I was really happy when he made up his mind, turned around and kissed me hard before actually leaving the room. 

I giggled to myself and collapsed on his bed, closing my eyes and just enjoying this new found feeling of giddiness and infatuation. The sheets were a little rough to the touch, but they smelled like Clyde, so I pressed my face onto them and just breathed in. 

Eventually I convinced myself to get up before I’d fall asleep on his bed. I could do that later, after I’d showered and eaten something for breakfast. I took my clothes off and wrapped myself in a huge towel I’d brought with me, and stepped out of the room. 

Clyde was in the small kitchen, rummaging through the fridge as I came out. He straightened his back and looked at me, blushing slightly as I approached him, tiptoed and kissed him gently on the lips. He looked at me as if it was the first time he’d seen me almost naked. Considering how little light the candles were throwing last night, it probably was. It was a different thing in broad daylight. I was starting to feel a little self-conscious as he brushed his fingers over my shoulder, but seeing the awe filed look in his eyes made me try and push down my insecurities. 

“You know,” I said, slipping my fingers under his t-shirt, “I bet there’s enough space in the shower for both of us. We could be saving a lot of water like that.” It was a load of bullshit and we both knew it, but it sounded like a plausible excuse. 

Clyde bent down to kiss me, just as passionately as the night before, letting his hand roam over my body. He was just as impatient, wanting to do everything at the same time as if he’d never have the chance to to them again. I had to hold onto his arms to make him slow down. There was no rush. 

“Shower?” I asked, smiling at his flushed cheeks and ruffled hair. 

“Yeah. Go ahead, I’ll be with you in a minute.” His voice had become hoarser and his accent a bit more pronounced. I had noticed it before and I had to wonder if he wasn’t somehow trying to control it when he was with me. 

I kissed him again and went into the bathroom. It was pretty small, but it was to be expected. I knew it would be a little crowded with the both of use trying to get in the shower, but that was what I'd wanted. 

I hung my towel on a rack and got into the shower turning the water on, enjoying the pleasant sensation on my skin, letting it wash away all the sweat. It felt so good to be back to civilization, with hot running water and electricity. You never get to appreciate a shower fully until you’re deprived of it. 

I had brought my own shampoo and conditioner with me, but that didn’t stop me from sniffing the ones that were already in the shower, trying to identify which one belonged to Clyde. Was it weird? Maybe a little. Maybe a little more. I shook my head, put back anything that didn’t belong to me and started quickly shampooing my hair. I knew that with two people in the shower there’s generally a very small chance that you’re going to do any actual washing, and I really needed to clean my body, so I was trying to get a headstart.

Clyde joined me a few minutes later, taking up almost all the space in the little bathroom. He was already naked, all shoulders and muscles, almost more impressive in the small space than he usually was. I smiled at the blush forming on his face as I checked him out and gestured for him to join me. 

He involuntarily pushed me into a corner, since there was not enough space for both of us under the showerhead. Not that I minded, I was more than happy to press myself against him as water washed over the both of us, soaking his hair and dripping from the ends of his beard. I had a hard time kissing him without getting water in my mouth, but nevertheless I persisted. 

“Can I wash your hair?” I asked out of the blue, bringing forth the puppy eyes. 

“Umm… sure,” he replied, sounding a little surprised. 

“Am I being weird?”

“No, no. It’s just that no one’s ever asked to wash my hair before. Except for Mellie, when she cuts it.”

Somehow I kept forgetting that his sister was a hairstylist. “I’m probably not going to be as good as her, but I’ll do my best.”

“I don’t care, I’ll enjoy it more,” he said, squeezing my butt and making me push up against him.

“Well, I really hope you do,” I said, pressing my thigh between his legs and earning a hiss, “or I’d have some questions for you, Clyde Logan.” He laughed, a sound that I was finding more endearing every time I heard it, and turned off the faucet, so he could properly kiss me without the risk of inhaling water. “Which one can I use?” I asked, pointing towards the shampoo bottles.

Clyde looked at them for a moment and then placed a finger on my bottle. I questioningly looked at him and he just shrugged. “I really like the way your hair smells,” he mumbled, embarrassed. 

I laughed and squirted a sizable amount of shampoo in the palm of my hand before he had the chance to change his mind. If he wanted me to mark him with my scent, who was I to refuse. He leaned on the wall bending down a little and I rubbed my fingers through his hair until bubbles started to form.

“I always wanted to play with your hair,” I said, wiping away some foam from his forehead, so it wouldn’t get in his eyes. 

“Why didn’t you?”

“Couldn’t reach it,” I joked, and he laughed. 

I took my time washing his hair and he didn’t seem to mind, letting his hand and eyes roam over my body as I massaged his scalp. By the time I was finished, he was almost purring in my hands, looking like he’d fall asleep if I kept going. Also he was aroused. How you could be both at the same time was beyond me, I always thought that one cancelled the other. I turned on the water, letting it wash away the shampoo in his hair and pressed my thigh a little harder onto his erection. He let out a soft moan and pulled me closer. 

As I predicted, there ended up being a lot less attention paid on personal hygiene and a lot more on mutually exploring each other’s bodies, but this level of excitement was to be expected. After all, everything was new, every inch of our bodies still felt like uncharted territory that needed to be touched, to be felt, to be used until it became familiar. 

A knock on the door made us both almost jump through the roof. 

“You in there, Clyde?” I heard Jimmy’s voice from the other side of the door. 

Clyde let out a long and defeated sigh, while I clasped my hands over my mouth, hoping that he didn’t hear me. 

“The one day you had to come home early,” Clyde mumbled in my ear, and with all the adrenaline that was currently running through my veins I couldn’t help but giggle. “Yeah, I’m coming right out.”

“Alright, I’ve been to the store…” Jimmy said from the other side of the door and then he started moving around and knocking over something in the kitchen and I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he didn’t stop talking. 

Clyde let the water wash over him one last time, and got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his hips. “Take as much time as you need,” he said, bending down to kiss me. “I’m gonna make him leave. Forcefully if I have to.” He huffed and slipped out of the bathroom, leaving me alone once again.

It felt like it was too much space now and the air was colder than before, but I could actually focus on cleaning myself. I was nervous about seeing Jimmy, not because he’d have anything against me and Clyde—or at least I hoped he didn’t—but even if he didn’t hear me he could put two and two together and if he found out we had been sharing the shower he’d know we weren’t there just to save water. It made me a little uncomfortable when people knew about my sex life. And I knew Jimmy could tease. 

I could hear them talking in the living room, or the kitchen, I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying. The words were muffled by the door and even when I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, I still couldn't understand much. They seemed to be arguing, or at least, Clyde seemed annoyed. I could hear Jimmy’s boisterous laughter fill the room from time to time and I was fearing what he’d say when I emerged from the bathroom. 

Well, I couldn’t stay locked in there forever, although it had crossed my mind. I listened until the voices died down and hoped that Clyde had been able to remove Jimmy from the common space, so he wouldn’t have to see me only wrapped in a towel. I took a deep breath and opened the door. 

The first thing that hit me was the smell of bacon and the sizzling of a frying pan. My stomach constricted painfully and for a moment I forgot I wasn’t dressed properly and I shouldn’t be thinking about having breakfast until I fixed that. 

“Morning, Baby!” I was greeted by Jimmy’s cheerful voice. He was the one cooking, only a few feet away from me. I almost facepalmed.

“Morning,” I replied, feeling myself starting to burn up. 

“It’s good to finally have you in our humble home,” he said, only lifting his eyes from the pan for half a second. “I was starting to think I’d grow old before I’d see Clyde bring a girl back home.”

“Shut up!” came Clyde’s response from the living room and I couldn’t help but smile. 

“I’m gonna go get dressed,” I said, pointing towards Clyde’s room.

“Take your time. There’s bacon and eggs for breakfast today, I hope you like them.”

“Love ‘em!” I said before closing the bedroom door behind me. 

I collapsed on the bed and hid my face in the palms of my hands, letting out a long breath. I stayed like that for a while, just contemplating my life. This wasn’t the way I wanted Jimmy to find out about our relationship. Also, Maggie propelled gossip wasn’t the way I wanted the whole town to find out about our relationship, exactly one day after we’d decided to do something about the sexual tension between us, but there was nothing I could do about either of those right now. There was nothing I could do besides keeping my head up high and accepting everything with a smile on my face. I was afraid that Clyde would be taking the attention and the gossip even worse than I was, since I knew they’d find a way to trample on his insecurities, but I was gonna be there for him if he needed me. 

Once I calmed down a bit I got dressed in a hurry, because now that I could smell the bacon, my stomach refused to let me live for even a second longer without breakfast. My hair was still damp, but it was warm enough for it to air dry as we ate, so I just left it like that. 

I cautiously emerged from the room. Jimmy wasn’t in the kitchen anymore so I tiptoed to the living room. Clyde was sitting on the couch looking incredibly grumpy. I plopped next to him and kissed his pouty lips before he managed to say anything. 

“I’m sorry about Jimmy. He was supposed to be away all day,” he said and I could sense the annoyance in his voice. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry about Maggie this morning, so I guess we’re even,” I said, stealing a piece of bacon from the mountain of food on the table. It was a little crispier than I liked it, but it was still incredibly tasty. “I actually don’t mind,” I said, seeing that his whole demeanor wasn’t changing, “I like your brother. I don’t mind his company.”

“I really like you,” he said out of the blue, and I wasn’t sure which one of us was blushing more at that point.

“Well, Mister Logan, that’s good to know,” I said, placing my arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss.

“You taste like bacon,” he said between kisses. “I love bacon.” 

I couldn’t stop myself from giggling. He said it in such a serious tone and with such sincerity that is sounded like the best compliment I had ever gotten, so I pulled him even closer, kissing him passionately.

“Wow! Can’t you guys wait until after breakfast to eat each other’s faces out?” Jimmy laughed, coming from outside with a bag full of groceries. 

We both jumped apart, and I could see Clyde’s annoyance emerging once again and I knew it was going to be a breakfast full of bickering. 

“Depends,” I said, stealing another piece of bacon. “What can you bribe us with?”

“Well I got this,” he said starting to rummage through the paper bag, “mango?” 

He threw me the fruit and smiled. It was indeed a mango, and a pretty good quality one. It looked perfectly ripened and it smelled really good.

“Okay, deal,” I said, placing the mango near my plate, intending to devour it after breakfast.

“Did you just sell me for a fruit?” Clyde asked, straightening his back and towering over me even if we both sat down. 

“I’ll share it with you,” I assured him, sneaking another kiss when Jimmy went to the kitchen to put away the groceries. He laughed and started piling food on his plate. 

The breakfast was lovely and full of teasing, just as I had expected. Once the initial annoyance wore off, Clyde started biting back at Jimmy until it turned into full blown banter. I almost choked on food a couple of times, because I was laughing so hard, but I managed not to die in their living room. I was going to die of overeating anyway, because I just couldn’t stop stuffing my face. Maybe because of the company, or the adrenaline, or the butterflies in my stomach, but this had been the tastiest breakfast I’d ever had. 

Clyde and I were sitting on the porch after breakfast, snuggled together on an old, tattered couch. I had my feet up in Clyde’s lap, sipping coffee and nibbling on store bought cookies as he lazily stroked the curve of my foot. It was the perfect setting for a lazy day. The storm had cleared the air so much that even in the growing heat, it still felt somewhat crisp and clean. There was no cloud in sight, the sun shining brightly and the birds singing, all the shit living in New York had me missing. This was a completely different, much calmer world.

Jimmy said he had something to do and left shortly after breakfast. Whether he was just using that as a pretext to give us some privacy or he was genuinely busy, I didn’t know but I was grateful for the time alone with Clyde. I was content to spend some time with Clyde relaxing in silence.

“I’ll have to go to the bar later today, see if anything got damaged,” he said after a while. My coffee mug was already empty, but I was still holding onto it. “Get things ready to open tonight.”

“Oh, so you plan on opening today?” I said, a little disappointed. I really hoped we could spend the whole day together, but just because I had the day off, didn’t mean he did. 

“Yeah, if everything’s alright. We’ve been closed for a while, people probably need their drinks by now.” He smiled, knowingly. “But I plan on closing early. You could wait here for me. If you want to, of course,” he added quickly. “Or you could come with me to the bar.”

“Are you offering me a job, Mister Logan?”

“Well I could use the help,” he said, thoughtfully. “And I could definitely use the company.”

I opened my arms and he leaned in for a kiss. “I’ll think about it. I have to go home first, see if I have power first.” There was the nagging feeling that I really had to hurry home for some reason, but I couldn’t for the love of me remember why. Until it hit me. “I left the coffee maker turned on!” I gasped, straightening my back so fast that I nearly headbutted Clyde. 

He started laughing. “You’ll have fresh coffee waiting for you when you get back.”

“Also, no house, in case something happens and it burns down in my absence. Ugh, I really didn’t need this,” I mumbled, placing my empty cup besides me and snuggling closer to Clyde. 

“I can drop you off on my way to the bar,” he helpfully offered. “And I’ll be there if you wanna come by later.”

“Yeah, I guess I’ll pay you a visit later. I want you to make me your best drink. I do expect special treatment now, you know.”

“Alright,” he laughed. “How special?”

“I’ll think about it,” I said, yawning, letting my head drop onto his shoulder. 

Before we knew it, it was time to leave. We spent most of the morning and early afternoon doing absolutely nothing, but somehow I was still feeling drowsy. I was really tempted to go for a nap in Clyde’s bed and wait for him to come back, but the fear of finding my house in flames was enough to keep me alert. 

As we drove through the intersection I noticed that the tree we saw this morning had already been cleared and the power lines looked in order, so I assumed the power was back on. 

“So, I’ll see you later?” Clyde asked, walking me to my door. 

“Yeah. Text me when you open. And if you don’t, maybe we could go out and get something to eat,” I said, shrugging. “Go on the adventure of finding a restaurant that opened today?”

Clyde’s whole face lit up in a brilliant smile. “Okay,” he said, still smiling as he kissed me goodbye, a kiss that none of us wanted to break until we actually had to, due to lack of air.

“See you later,” I said, opening my door.

“Yeah, see ya.” 

I was still smiling to myself when I entered the living room. To my surprise, the power was still down, but honestly I didn’t care. I was really high from the rollercoaster of emotions that had been the past 24 hours, and minor inconveniences like the lack of electricity didn’t matter anymore. I didn’t even bother to check if my fuses had blown out again or ask my neighbours if it was a general thing, this was a problem for future me to solve. I had already decided, the moment I entered the house, that I was going to pack some clothes and sleep over at Clyde’s tonight, regardless if I had power or not.

I unplugged the coffeemaker, and anything that could short circuit in my absence, cleaned my fridge and threw away anything that could get spoiled and changed the sheets. After that, I packed some things and waited for Clyde to give me a sign. 

I was starting to doze off on the couch, bathed in the afternoon sun when I got a text from Clyde saying that they’d opened and he was waiting for me. 

‘I still have no power,’ I replied. ‘Is it okay if I sleep at your place tonight?’

I already knew the answer before I got his reply, so I just changed into something that was just a little more dressy than my usual attire—I wanted to look good for him, but not like I tried too hard, after all it wasn’t really a date—grabbed my bag and walked out the door. I left the car in the driveway and decided to walk. It was a lovely afternoon and I wanted to make the best of it. 

To my surprise, the Duck Tape was already full when I arrived. I guessed the people in our town really loved their booze and a two day break from drinking was a bit too much. I was happy for Clyde, this meant more revenue (and hopefully more tips), but at the same time I was a bit selfish and I would have loved to have him all to myself tonight. I wondered if he liked to dance. 

“Hi there, Baby,” came Earl’s greeting even before I entered the building. He was sitting in his usual spot, cigarette in one hand and an almost empty beer bottle in the other. “Is it true what I’ve been hearing through the grapevine?” 

Okay, so it seemed that Maggie had been really busy today. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for questions like these for the next few weeks and put on my bravest smile. “Depends who you’ve been listening to.” I winked and pushed the heavy door and entered the bar, leaving Earl in a laughing or a coughing fit, I couldn’t really tell which one. 

A few heads turned to look at me when I walked to the bar, but quickly returned to their drinks. I didn’t really care, now that I could see Clyde the rest of the world just didn’t matter.

He was smiling at me, standing behind the bar, dressed in a dark button down and black jeans, a whiskey bottle in one hand. He was breathtakingly handsome, especially when I was the one he was smiling so wholeheartedly at. He winked and pointed towards a seat that had a ‘reserved’ card in front of it. 

“Am I a special guest today, Mister Logan?” I asked, climbing onto the bar stool. 

“You’re always a special guest,” he said, fixing me with his intense gaze, making me blush. 

“Then how about you make me your best drink? For a very special guest like me?” I winked and he smiled, taking out a martini glass. He was just as fascinating to watch as the first time I’d seen him make a drink, but this time it was even more impressive, because I knew the whole show was for me and me alone. 

He finished the drink, poured it into the martini glass and slid it in front of me. I took the drink and took a sip.

“Is it good?” he asked, placing his elbows on the counter and leaning closer to me. 

“Yeah it’s good,” I said, which was an understatement because the drink was amazing. “But it could be better.”

Clyde frowned and for a moment I thought he’d argue with me about it, because we both knew he’d made it perfectly, but in the end he looked at the stupid smile on my face and understood it was a lie. 

“And how’s that?”

“I think it would be perfect if it came with a kiss,” I said, smiling cheekily at him. 

I could see him become flustered, a blush tinting his cheeks. He had the same goofy smile on his face as he took a few steps back, looking around the bar. I was sure he’d let it slip and kiss me later, when it was just the two of us, but I watched him pour himself a shot of alcohol, down it and then come back to me with a determined look on his face. 

The kiss was short, but passionate. Maybe a little too passionate, but by the cheers that erupted in the bar, I guessed no one was really bothered by it. I hid my face behind my fingers for a few moments, until the cheers died down. Well, if the whole town hadn’t found out from Maggie already, I was sure they’d find out now. They’ll definitely have something to talk about. I was laughing and blushing at the same time, and as I looked up, so was Clyde. I was taken over by a wave of affection for the man in front of me and I realized that I wasn’t as angry at my life anymore, because whatever bad decisions I had taken along the way, they’d led me to meeting him in the end. 

I took my drink and downed it, still blushing. “Another!” I laughed, sliding the glass across the counter.


	6. Epilogue

The phone vibrated in my pocket as I tried to not trip on the dangling power cord. ‘I’m online,’ said my mother’s text. I dropped the laptop on the kitchen table and texted her back, telling her to wait a couple of minutes.

Clyde was studying me from the other side of the kitchen, wide eyed, cautiously munching on his bacon as I cursed and tried to untangle the cables. “What are you doing?” 

“I’ve gotta skype my mom,” I said, disappearing under the table and trying to force the power cord into a socket. “I didn’t talk to her much since I’ve moved and she’s really eager to tell me about her trip to Europe.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No, why? Ow, fuck!” I tried scrambling out and hit my head in the process. “Why do you wanna leave?” I asked, vigorously massaging the top of my head. 

“So your mother doesn’t find out I’m here?”

I gave him the side-eye as I took a seat opposite him. It had already been a few weeks since the night with the storm and he had been spending so much time at my house that I was tempted to just tell him to move in. But I knew it might be a little early for a big move like that, especially since he seemed to be a creature of habit, so I just let him organically move all of his stuff to my place. I already had half a wardrobe full of his clothes, since he occasionally dropped by his place to grab some clean ones, and then never bothered to take them back after I washed them. But he was still using the spare toothbrush, and my shampoo to wash his hair; somehow I had the feeling he’d still do that even if he officially moved in. 

So mornings like this were pretty common. He’d usually come home after midnight, take a shower and then crawl into bed next to me. I’d wake up to greet him, and we’d fall asleep in each other’s arms. If I went to work the next day, he’d wake up to have breakfast with me and then go back to sleep after I left, but since today was the first day of holiday and I had nowhere else to be, I let him sleep in. 

It was a beautiful, rainy morning, droplets rhythmically hitting my windows as I made breakfast (brunch?). I had time to do some chores and drink my coffee before he emerged from the bedroom, looking like a cute and ruffled sasquatch. Mom had called in the meantime and knowing that I’d be home all day she wanted me to call her over Skype, so here I was, side-eyeing Clyde who was chewing on his bacon, as I waited for the laptop to turn on.

“Why do you think I wouldn’t want my mom to know you’re here?” Sometimes his way of thinking baffled me.

“So you don’t have to explain to her… about me. About us.”

I knew this all came from a place of deep insecurity, but sometimes I just didn’t get it how he came to certain conclusions, that were completely ridiculous in my opinion.

“I need exactly two words to explain the situation to her: ‘we’re’ and ‘dating’,” I said, getting up to refill my coffee cup, stealing a kiss on my way to the coffee maker. Bacon kisses were my favourite thing in the morning. “Do you want some more?” I asked, taking the coffee pot with me.

“Yes, please,” he said, pushing his cup forward. He lifted my top a little as I was filling his cup, placing a chain of greasy kisses on my stomach.

“That tickles,” I laughed and he somehow took that as a challenge, grabbed my butt to hold me in place and started blowing raspberries on my stomach, making me almost howl with laughter. 

“Stooop,” I whined once I managed to escape his grip. “Look what you made me do,” I said, pointing at the coffee I had spilled on the table in the midst on my laughing fit. I tutted and climbed onto his lap, straddling his hips. He pulled me close to his chest as he kissed me hard, running his hand under my top, caressing the small of my back. He’d squeeze my butt to make me push up against him, grinding my crotch against the rough fabric of his jeans. 

It took me a moment to realize that the sound coming from my laptop was in fact the Skype jingle, letting me know that my mom had already gotten bored of waiting for me to call and had taken charge of the situation.

“Shit, mom!” I stumbled out of Clyde’s embrace, but didn’t return to my seat until after I had kissed a few more of the beauty marks peppered across his face. Eventually I sat on my chair and answered the call, trying to fix my top in the time it took Skype to connect. 

“Sorry, mom,” I said, after the mandatory ‘hello, can you hear me?’ and ‘I can’t see you turn on the camera’ greetings that came with using Skype. “I got a bit distracted.”

“Did you burn down the house yet?” she asked, crossing her arms, visibly annoyed that I’d let her wait. She had important things to do. She was a retired person, after all. 

“I appreciate your trust, but no. Not yet,” I said, trying to think of ways to introduce Clyde to her. I didn’t want to just blurt it out of the blue, especially since I knew she was eager to tell me all about her trip, so I figured I would get that out of the way first. “How was your trip?”

“The trip was great! You should come with us the next time, you would have so much fun.”

“Next time?” It was a good thing that I had brought the coffee pot with me, because I knew I’d need a whole lot of coffee to survive mom’s retelling of the trip. I loved my mom, but she had a way of making any story ten times longer than it would be necessary. So I braced myself, kept the coffee pot close to me and nodded once in a while as she recounted everything in microscopic detail. 

Clyde was silently laughing at me from the other side of the table every time my mom said something outrageous and I rolled my eyes so hard I was afraid they’d do a 360. Occasionally he’d hand me a piece of bacon, careful to stay hidden from my laptop’s camera. I loved that we could have moments like this when we didn’t have to use words to understand each other. He was usually a pretty reserved person, preferring to listen instead of speaking, so he was very good at noticing things. After a while I found out that he wasn’t that hard to read either, most of the time he was unable to completely hide his emotions no matter how much he tried. 

The roaring of thunder made me jump in my chair and stopped my mom’s narration. “What was that?” she asked, looking a little worried. 

“Just the thunder,” I said, taking a few deep breaths to calm my heartbeat. “It’s been raining since last night.”

“Oh, that reminds me, I’ve been meaning to ask how you've gone through that storm, I’ve heard it was pretty bad in some areas.”

“Yeah, but not here. There was some flooding in the next town, but luckily nothing serious happened here. Just some broken trees and power lines.”

“Oh, that’s good. I was really worried about that leaky roof. Did you manage to fix it before the storm?”

“Yeah, didn’t I tell you about that?” I was certain I’d at least texted her about it, but I might have remembered wrong. My memory wasn’t that great at my old age. 

“Did you hire someone to do it? Did it cost you a lot?”

“Nope. The Logan brothers fixed it for me. Almost for free.” I glimpsed over the monitor and I saw that Clyde had stopped chewing and I could almost hear him swallow. “It only costed me a mountain of muffins.”

“Oh, the Logans. Are they still living there?” 

Clyde had straightened his back, pressing himself into the wall like he was trying to melt into it at some point. I had a feeling he didn’t like where this was going. 

“Mhm,” I replied, keeping my eyes on him trying to tell him mentally that everything was going to be alright. I hoped.

“Those were a pair of lovable airheads,” my mom laughed. “Did you know that the youngest had a crush on you?”

“Yeah, I just found out.” Clyde seemed to slowly, but steadily, lose all the colour in his face. “Jimmy told me.”

“Oh, poor kid. What was his name? Was it Clyde by chance?” I nodded and my mom laughed again. “He was so in love with you, but all you could think of was his brother.” 

Okay, so I was starting to not enjoy this either. I could feel my cheeks start burning up, as if the colour that had drained from Clyde was now creeping up my cheeks. I knew my parents were very aware of my crush on Jimmy, I had been teased for years, and I really didn’t want that brought back. 

“Yeah, I’m guilty as charged. Anyway…” I tried shifting the conversation to something else, before she said something really embarrassing. I wished I had told her up front about me and Clyde, so he couldn’t hide in his corner, but I just couldn’t find a way to wiggle that into the conversation. I figured that after she’d finished talking about the trip I’d have time to break the news to her. And now it was too late. 

“Did you know,” she continued, and I was actually considering ‘accidentally’ breaking the connection, “he tried to ask you out to prom?”

“Really?” Well this was something I didn’t know, but Clyde seemed to remember, because I’d never seen someone go so fast from paper white to radioactive red. “I did not know that.”

“Yeah, he came to our door all dressed up in a suit and tie. He even had this tiny bouquet of garden flowers.”

Clyde wasn’t even looking at me at this point, probably wishing he was anywhere else but here. On the other hand, I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of him in a suit, with a bouquet of freshly picked flowers, trying to ask me out. I was certain he would have been just as awkward, if not more. I couldn’t imagine him as a teenager, though. Something about his imposing stature made it hard for me to picture him as a kid. I made a mental note to ask Mellie if she had any photos. 

“Why didn’t I hear about this?” I asked, still looking at Clyde over the monitor, smiling from ear to ear as he still stared at a point on the floor. “You didn’t chase him away, did you?” A cold shiver ran down my spine at the thought that maybe my parents had scared him off. 

“No, no, we didn’t,” mom assured me. “He chickened out before ringing the bell.”

“Oh, did he?” I asked, and Clyde looked at me for half a second with the most pitiful look in his eyes, and it took all my restraint to not get up and hug the poor guy.

“Yeah. I think he stood in front of our door for a good ten minutes before turning around and leaving. You know, he costed me 20 dollars. I actually had faith that he’d eventually gather the courage to knock on the door. Your father didn’t. And he won.” Good ol’ dad and his cynicism. “If you see him, tell him that he made me lose 20 dollars and he better pay me back.”

I tried. I really did try to do the right thing, but there was no way I could fight the little devil on my shoulder. I should have apologized in advance. I sighed. 

“Well, why don’t you tell him yourself,” I said, turning the laptop around so that now Clyde was in front of the camera. 

I honestly thought for a second he’d just get up and run away, or explode in a cloud of confetti, dissolve into thin air or anything really, so that he didn’t have to be here. He was looking at me with a startled expression, and I very felt sorry for putting him into that position, but as I said, sometimes the devil was too hard to resist. However, it only took him a few moments to regain enough composure to be able to speak. 

“Hello Mrs. M,” he greeted my mom in a small voice, still glancing nervously at me.

“Oh, hello Clyde. Didn’t know you were there,” she said. “It would have been helpful if my daughter would have let me know from the beginning.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. M,” he said, apologetically. 

“Hey,” I said, coming around the table and moving the laptop so that my mom could see us both. “Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault,” I told him, and sat on his lap. He still felt incredibly stiff, so I took his hand in mine and squeezed it reassuringly. He placed the prosthetic one around my waist, but then hid it back under the table when he realized my mom could see it. “I would have, mom,” I said, making her shift focus back to me,—although by the way her eyes lingered, she had noticed his arm—“but I couldn’t interrupt the retelling of that appalling horse joke you were telling earlier.”

“Oh shut up,” my mom mumbled, clearly disappointed that I didn’t appreciate her humour, but then she looked at Clyde and I could see her expression soften as she smiled. “So, Clyde Logan, did you finally gather the courage to ask my daughter out?”

Clyde was still a little tongue tied, so I replied instead. “He didn’t really,” I said. “I asked him out.” And he rejected me at first, but I wasn’t going to tell her that, especially when I could feel him hiding his face in my hair. “Took a little persuasion, though. I think your signature recipe convinced him in the end.”

My mom burst into a hearty laugh. “That’s what sealed the deal with your father too. He proposed right after dinner.”

“Somehow, I actually expected an even less romantic gesture from dad,” I laughed and even Clyde snickered. He seemed to relax a bit, seeing that my mom didn’t have anything against him. 

“Do you have big plans for today?” she asked, looking at her watch. I guessed she was a really busy pensioner. 

“Actually, we do. I wanted to repaint my living room and Clyde offered to help. Big date painting walls,” I said, leaning into his chest. 

My mom scoffed. “I guess you inherited the sentimental side from your father. He’d consider that an amazing date.” 

“Come on, be proud of me. I’m actually using one of my free days to do adult stuff. I could have been sleeping, it’s the first day of holiday after all.”

My mom took a moment to consider my statement, and then she nodded, as she knew productivity wasn’t really my forte. “Very well. But please don’t overwork the kid.”

“Does he look overworked to you?” I said, pointing at Clyde’s nose over my shoulder.

“He does look a bit tired.”

I glanced over at Clyde, who seemed to have regained most of his composure. He did look a little tired though, but I knew he’d look substantially more alive once he finished breakfast and had enough coffee in his system. 

“He works until late,” I explained. “He’s a bartender in town.”

“Did you take over your father’s business?” my mom asked him, her interest peaked once again.

“Yes, Ma’am,” he replied, straightening his back. I guess he still found my mother scary, even after all these years. (Truth be told, she could be really scary if she wanted to.)

“That’s wonderful, I really loved that bar. So many great memories started with drinks at the Duck Tape,” she said, a little nostalgic. 

“Well, Ma’am, you’re always welcome. We’re still serving the best beer in town.”

It really made me smile just how proud he was of his little business, and I could see why. Over the past few weeks I had become so fond of the bar and the people coming there, although the one I liked best was still the handsome bartender. 

“Just make sure to not come back home drunk,” I warned her, “cause I’m locking the door and leaving both you and dad to sleep outside. And don’t make me pick up your tab either, I may have a discount now, but I’m not wasting it on you guys.”

“Have you seen a more ungrateful child, Clyde?” she asked shaking her head, and I could tell that Clyde was making an effort not to laugh. “Is this why I broke my back working my whole life to give her an education and a future, and she won’t even consider taking care of me when I’m shitfaced drunk,” she said, starting to laugh in the middle of the sentence. “Alright, I’ll leave you kids alone, it seems you’ve got quite a busy schedule today.”

“Okay mom,” I said, still laughing. “ll text you and send pictures of the finished project.”

“I have a feeling I’ll get a ‘how to get paint out of hair’ text soon.”

“Haha!”

“And take good care of my daughter, Clyde,” she said, with a very soft expression on her face. “She can be a bit of a handful at times, but she’s worth the hassle.”

“I’m really glad you’ve never written an online dating ad for me, mom, or I would have been Forever Alone.” I mumbled, just loud enough for Clyde to hear it, but not enough for mom to make out the words. Clyde was making a valiant effort to keep a straight face, but I could see the cracks in his composure. My mom, on the other hand, told me not to mumble.

“Okay, okay, I’m leaving you alone,” she said fiddling with the mouse. “I’m going to try to get those twenty bucks back from your dad, ten years too late, but better late than never I say…” And then the connection broke. 

“I think she hung up on us,” I said, both Clyde and I letting out a long sigh of relief. “I’m sorry for putting you through this without prior warning,” I said, pulling him into a kiss, feeling a bit guilty for what I’d done. In the end it wasn’t that bad, but it might have still been unpleasant. 

“It’s okay,” he said taking my legs and rotating me a little so that I was now cradled in his arms. “You just took the band aid approach with this.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said, still kissing him, until my phone started to ring. “Yeah mom, you hung up on us,” I said into the phone. Let me put you on speaker.”

_“Well, I don’t know what happened, I didn’t touch anything. It must have been the connection.”_

“Probably,” I said, knowing there was no point in contradicting her. I was 100% sure she pressed the wrong button. 

_“Take care of yourselves, and hopefully we’ll see you soon. We were thinking about paying you a visit before the holiday ends, your dad’s been worried about you moving into the old house, although he’d never admit it.”_

I smiled and rested my head on Clyde’s shoulder. Dad wasn’t really good with showing affection, so little things like this proved how much he actually cared. “We’ll be waiting for you, hopefully by then I’ll be able to furnish the guest room too.”

_“Do you need money? Should we send you some?”_

“I’m good,” I lied, since money was still a bit of a problem for me, but not wanting to abuse their kindness any longer. I was going to do some tutoring over the summer, so I hoped I could save some money to be able to furnish at least a part of the house. 

_“Let us know if you need anything.”_

“Your love and support is enough,” I said. “Also, some of your strawberry jam. And assorted pickles. Actually I’ll make a list.” My mom laughed, but I knew the moment she’d hung up she’ll start putting together a huge package with my favourite things. She’d even bake me cookies, even though she knew I was perfectly capable of baking my own. 

_“Very well then. Don’t forget to send me pictures of the newly painted living room. And of your painted faces.”_

“Will do. Bye mom.”

“Goodbye, Mrs. M,”

_“It was really nice seeing you again, Clyde. I hope you’ll stick around, or my daughter will remain un...”_

“Mom! Goodbye!”

_“Goodbye love!”_ she laughed as she hung up.

I put the phone down and exhaled audibly. Clyde was laughing his ass off, still holding onto me as I felt I was turning into slime and just melting into a puddle on the floor. 

“I deserve it,” I said, straightening myself and hiding my face in Clyde’s hair. “I can’t say anything because I deserve it.” Clyde was still laughing, but somehow that was reassuring. “She really likes you, you know?”

“Do you think so?” There was still a note of uncertainty in his voice, but right now he sounded more hopeful.

“Haven’t you seen her, she was glowing,” I said, kissing his neck. “Expect her to send a ton of preserves especially for you.”

“Will you make me pancakes with strawberry jam?”

“Of course. Actually, I could make pancakes now, do you want some?”

“Yeah, sure.”

I kissed him and got up, getting out all the needed ingredients. I started making the batter as Clyde was telling me funny stories from our childhood. The atmosphere in my kitchen was so warm and lovely ever since we’d started dating and even now, despite the rain outside, it felt so bright and cozy. 

“Now I really wanna see you in a suit and tie, bringing me flowers,” I said, placing the plate of pancakes on the table, as well as different toppings. 

“I think it’s better if you don’t,” he said, looking at the pancakes, and avoiding my gaze, but I could still see him blush. I guess he never expected that someone had seen him trying to ask me out. I was wondering how much Jimmy had teased him for it, or if Clyde had done it without anyone knowing. I wondered if he’d been sad when he went home that day, but I tried to shake the thought away. It had been a long time ago, things were different now. 

“Why not?”

“They always looked ridiculous on me,” he said and I could feel the bitterness. 

“I think you’d look amazing in a suit, you’d just need a decent tailor to make some small tweaks. No suit looks good right off the hanger.”

“You think so?” he said, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

“I’m certain. But you’ll also have to pick me a bouquet of flowers and finally ask me to prom.”

He laughed and bushed even more, looking away. “Well, we could go somewhere fancy if you’d like,” he finally said, digging into the pancakes. 

“Only if you want to. We could dress up and binge watch Netflix on my couch for all I cared,” I said, wondering if I could shove a whole pancake down my throat. “I just wanna see you in a suit.”

“Well, I don’t have a suit,” he said, after a few minutes of eating in silence, “but I still have my uniform.”

I dropped my fork. Somehow the idea that he’d have a uniform never crossed my mind, although I knew he had been in the military and he’d been honorably discharged. Now the image of Clyde dressed in a uniform would never leave my mind.

“This is actually so much better,” I said, pressing my palms to my cheeks as I knew I was blushing, but not of embarrassment.

“Really?” He laughed in disbelief. 

“Oh yeah. So much better,” I said, picking up my fork and furiously shoving half a pancake in my mouth, trying hard not to choke and die before I got to see Clyde Logan dressed in his military uniform.

It was past noon when we finally finished eating, drinking coffee and just being lost in each other’s eyes, and decided it was time to get to work. Clyde changed in a pair of old overalls that looked so cute on him. I just changed into some old clothes that I didn't like anymore, and Clyde insisted that I at least wear his trucker hat as a protection for my hair. I looked ridiculous, but he assured me I looked great, and by the lovingly way he looked at me, I believed him.

“So, Mister Logan, are you ready to start?” I asked, following him as be brought the needed utensils from his truck, prompting him to turn around and smack me over the face with a roller. 

“I’m so sorry, Baby,” he said, dropping everything and taking my face into his hand, examining the damage. 

“It’s okay, I wasn’t paying attention where I was walking and I was in your blind spot. A kiss will make it better though,” I said and he happily obliged, kissing my cheek multiple times, his facial hair tickling my skin. “Also, it’s the first you’ve called me Baby.”

“I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be, I love it when you say it.”

“My Baby,” he whispered in my ear, and I melted right then and there. 

“Right, let’s get started,” I said, shaking my head to regain composure. “Before this turns into something else and we wrapped the whole floor in plastic for nothing.” 

Clyde laughed, and opened a bucket of paint while I grabbed a roller and held it like a spear. 

I never knew what coming back to my West Virginia hometown would bring, I actually felt pretty defeated when I came back. I’d felt like I had wasted all those years working my ass off for nothing and in the end I still failed. Returning was a sign I was giving up, that I wasn’t good enough to fulfill my dreams. 

But in the end, maybe it wasn’t like that, or it didn’t have to be. Maybe it was just a new beginning, a new starting point. It was time to really think about what I wanted from this life, and cherish the good things and even if in the future I’d fail again, I had to remember that failing at something wasn’t the end, unless you completely gave up. 

I ran my fingers through Clyde’s hair as he was mixing the paint.

“What?” he asked, turning his head to look up at me. 

“Nothing,” I said, smiling broadly. “I’m just happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end. I will be keeping the universe open for future one shots regarding their lives, but the main story ends now. Thank you all very much for coming with me this far, for reading and taking the time to like and comment. If you stumble over this fic anytime in the future, even 50 years from now, feel free to leave me a comment, I will always read them even if I will be too old (or too dead) to reply to them all. Love you all, and thank you for reading. 
> 
> A ton of love and hugs for my beta, Llexeh, the only person in the world that can be more excited for my fics than I am, and the most supportive person on the planet.


End file.
